When Grief Comes to the Table: Five Tips for Hosting Guests Who are Hurting

Have your kids ever made plans for you without asking first? Mine have, more than once! But a few years ago, one of those “surprise” plans turned into one of the most meaningful Thanksgivings for our family.

Our neighbors, a family of four whom our kids had befriended, had recently lost the matriarch of their family. It was going to be their first holiday season without Mom/Grandma, and our kids insisted we invite them and their grandpa to Thanksgiving dinner.

We sent the invitation and didn’t know what to expect. Weeks passed without a response, and I assumed they had made other plans. Then, just two days before Thanksgiving, a text came through: five more people were coming!

Our table wasn’t perfect. We scrambled to get more groceries to make a few more sides. But the house was full of laughter, stories, and a sense of togetherness that no amount of planning could have created. That experience taught me so much about opening my home and my heart to families who are hurting.

Here are five things I learned:

1. 1. Do it scared.
   Extending an invitation can feel intimidating! You might worry about saying the wrong thing or overstepping. Ask God to fill you with boldness and do it anyway. I quickly sent a text message before I could second-guess myself or my kids. Even if they don’t accept, your invitation tells them you see them, you remember there loved one, and you care. And most importantly, it shows them God sees them, too.
2. 2. Focus on connection, not perfection.
   Our table was crowded! We pulled in extra chairs from the garage, used mismatched plates, and squeezed elbow-to-elbow. And you know what? Nobody cared. What people remember most isn’t how it looked; it’s how they felt. This family was so grateful to have a new memory of a special holiday meal as they started to figure out what their life without Grandma looked like. Those moments of laughter around the table and story-sharing carried the quiet presence of Jesus, who promises to be close to the brokenhearted.
3. 3. Acknowledge their loss.
   It can feel awkward to bring up the person they’re missing, but silence can make the grief feel heavier. Talk about their loved one. Almost all grieving people I’ve encountered love an opportunity to talk about and remember the person they’ve lost. Ask about their favorite holiday memories. If there’s time, ask ahead of time if there’s a special family recipe you can include with the meal.
4. 4. Let the invitation be open-handed.
   There is a man in our community who is divorced and has difficult relationships with his grown children. He, too, is hurting and spends the holidays alone. For several years now we have invited him to join us, and he always politely declines. However, a small but significant step was taken last year. He accepted an invitation to come over after our meal and pick up a plate of leftovers to take home. We got to chat with him for a while and celebrate after the meal was done. There are many forms of grief, and the last thing we want to do is place pressure on someone in pain. Extending an open-handed invitation without expectation creates space for them to join if and when they are ready. It’s a beautiful reminder of God’s own invitation to us: always open, always patient, always full of grace.
5. 5. Keep checking in after the holidays.
   Grief doesn’t follow a calendar. Sometimes the hardest days come after the big holidays, when everyone else has moved on.  Keep inviting, keep texting, keep showing up. Presence in the days and weeks after is just as powerful as during the holiday itself.

That Thanksgiving reminded me that hospitality is less about the table and more about the heart around it.  When we create space at our tables for those who are grieving, we’re doing more than sharing a meal. We are sharing the love of God in a tangible way, making room for Holy Spirit to comfort and heal. You don’t need the perfect meal or a Pinterest-worthy home to share the love of Jesus and help someone feel seen. All you need is a willing heart and an open door, and God will do the rest.

About the Author

Katie Thompson is the executive pastor at Desert Streams Church in Southern California, where her husband, Levi, serves as lead pastor. When she’s not pastoring, she’s running her bookkeeping business, leading as CFO at a wellness center, or wrangling kids and backyard chickens. She’s convinced coffee makes everything better, family adventures are non-negotiable, and the beach is one of God’s best ideas.