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I Thought God Didn’t Want Me 

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By Harris Holsapple IV 

[Para leer este artículo en español, haga clic aquí]

The Word of God says we can defeat the enemy by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony, so I want to share my story. I have gone to church my whole life. In fact, my grandfather was a Methodist minister for thirty to forty years. 

My family went to church; it was what we did. It wasn’t who we were. When I was in seventh and eighth grades, some of the leadership in our church hurt me deeply, leaving me feeling unloved. I thought, “If this is how church people treat me and they think I am a problem, then God must feel the same.” A seed of bitterness and anger took root in my heart. Our family ended up leaving that church hurt and broken. 

When I was in ninth grade, we visited a Pentecostal church. There I heard a message about how Jesus takes us as we are and even loves us as we are. I thought, What? You take me as I am? That message of pure grace spoke to my heart, and I gave my life to Jesus. I’m not saying everything was suddenly wonderful, but that was the beginning of my faith journey.     

Like most families, mine wasn’t perfect, but I grew up in a supportive home and I’m thankful for my family. But because of my hurt, I was full of anger. At a young age, I was exposed to pornography and became addicted for a long time. This addiction carried into my Bible college life and into my marriage. It caused even more situations with anger.  

Anger is a secondary emotion. Like a weed with deep roots that keeps popping up, my anger kept resurfacing because I had not gotten to the root of my issue. My hands are full of scars from me punching things because I didn’t know how to handle my anger. I loved people, joked with people, talked a lot, but I was always angry, hurt, and broken inside.  

I went into ministry right out of Bible college, got married, and moved 2,000 miles away, from Oregon to the Midwest. I thought because I was in ministry, I had to say yes to everything, to do everything. I worked day and night. I said yes to everyone else, but no to my wife, Sarah. It wasn’t until years later that I would realize I needed to stop trying to be Jesus and start pointing people to Jesus. I needed to stop trying to be the Savior and instead lead others to the Savior. I was in a very lonely, hard place. Then two years into my marriage and ministry, my anger got me arrested, and I went to jail July 3, 2006.  

Harris and Sarah and their kiddos.

The next day, Independence Day, offices were closed, so I had to spend two nights in jail before facing a judge. I was forced to think about what I had done and where my life was. After I was released, I realized I had lost my ministry, my job, and maybe my wife. I remember crawling underneath the dining room table in a fetal position, all alone, two thousand miles away from my family and everything I grew up with, feeling like a total failure.   

The accuser of our souls kept repeating the phrase, “Look what you’ve done. Look what you’ve done!” I felt a darkness over me, and I had a choice to make: give up on the call God placed on my life or fight for it. It felt like I was at a “T” in my life. I could go down a dark path or choose a path that would be hard, but one where I would be following Jesus. At that moment underneath that table, I surrendered my life, my addictions, and my anger to God. I haven’t dealt with anger since July 3, 2006.  

Most things were restored, but I was still hurt. The devil kept lying to me, saying, “You’ve lost the ministry. You’ve disappointed a lot of people. God doesn’t want to use you. You’re a mess-up.” 

We moved from Illinois into my father-in-law’s home in Arkansas, trying to get back on our feet. I was able to find work at a Fortune 500 company full time, so that was a huge blessing, and God kept blessing me with promotions at work. Eventually people encouraged Sarah and me to get back into ministry, but we knew we weren’t ready until a few years later when we decided to go into ministry part time as youth pastors. However, when a new pastor was hired to lead our church, he didn’t like some of the stuff I was doing or saying. My calling came into question, and the other leaders’ confidence in me disappeared. 

The devil took advantage of the situation and said, “See, I told you.” I was so hurt, I ended up leaving the church.  

Sarah started attending another Pentecostal church she had found, but I wouldn’t go. I felt like God was ashamed of me. Thankfully, my wife didn’t give up. She kept asking me to go with her to church. Finally, I relented and went, but I sat clear in the back. A few weeks later, an evangelist who operated in the gift of prophecy and words of knowledge spoke at our church. I hadn’t seen anything like this and thought it was crazy.  

Yet in the middle of his sermon, the evangelist called me out, saying, “You in the back wearing such-and-such color shirt.”  

After looking around, I realized he was talking to me! 

“The enemy has been lying to you,” he said. “And all those things that have been spoken over you and said to you and things you believe are a lie. You have been called into ministry. God has a call on your life, and He is calling you back.” 

The speaker quickly moved on and kept preaching, but I was wrecked. I couldn’t believe God loved me enough to find me in a room of four hundred people, call me out, and say, “You do have a call.”  

At that moment I truly followed Jesus with ALL I was. A few months later I was baptized in the Holy Spirit and filled with His power. God has been the difference in my life. 

Sarah and I soon moved to Iowa where I became a youth pastor and eventually would become a lead pastor. My wife and I have been married nearly 18 years, and we have two beautiful children. God is using us in spite of me because Jesus is the difference. I am thankful for what Jesus has done and thankful for the resurrection. Trust me, I would be the last one to say, “I’m going to stand up and preach in front of a bunch of people” because the enemy tells me I am not worthy. But it’s God working through me who is worthy.

God also wants to make you whole, heal you, and set you free. If you would like that, pray this prayer with me. 

Lord Jesus, I admit I am a sinner and need a Savior. The Bible says that if I confess with my mouth and believe in my heart that Jesus Christ was raised from the dead I will be saved. Lord, forgive me of my sins. I believe You are the Savior. Be the Savior, be the difference in my life. Amen. 

This journey has been hard, but it’s been amazing. Jesus is the difference!

About the Author

Harris Holsapple IV is the lead pastor at First Open Bible Church in Cedar Rapids, Iowa. He leads the church with fresh vision, excitement, passion, and creative ideas so they can win Cedar Rapids and the surrounding areas for Christ. Pastor Harris has a heart to see lives transformed by the power of the Holy Spirit and to see people experience new life. He and his wife, Sarah, have two beautiful children.

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Beauty in the Ashes: God at Work Amid the Spokane Fires 

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On August 1, 2026, three fast-moving wildfires swept across the Spokane area, fueled by a frightening combination of high winds and dangerously dry conditions. The Old Trails, Autumn Lane, and Fairview fires, collectively managed as the Spokane Complex, damaged or destroyed hundreds of homes and other structures and forced thousands to evacuate. 

Seven Open Bible and Open Bible-affiliated churches serve communities throughout the Spokane area, and all were affected in some way by the fires. Three, however, found themselves in the immediate path of the most destructive blaze, the Old Trails Fire. Turning Point Church and Foundation Church were placed under a Level 3 evacuation, displacing members of their church families, while Riverside Real Life Church lost its building entirely. Pastors from Turning Point and Riverside share what they witnessed as fire swept through their communities and how, amid tremendous loss, they saw God provide through the generosity, prayers, and practical care of the Church. 


From Melissa Stelly,
Executive Pastor of
Turning Point Open Bible Church: 


The pillar of angry smoke on the horizon immediately filled me with dread as I drove to the grocery store. High winds drove the flames across parched land so fast that one firefighter marveled that he couldn’t have outrun it, even if he tried. Hundreds of people desperately fled their neighborhoods, clogging the few roads out as flames appeared in their rearview mirrors. There were heartbreaking stories of people calling family members to say goodbye because they didn’t think they would escape in time 

And yet, not a life was taken.
 

And yet, not a life was taken. 

Our church was placed under a level 3 evacuation, and many of our people were displaced from their homes, either losing them completely to the flames or due to toxins that bathed their houses from the burning around them. Immediately, our church family responded with calls and emails, offering their homes to those impacted, along with gift cards, money, clothing, and even animal care. Spokane leaders met at the local high school, inviting faith leaders, non-profits, educators, and government to join together to streamline resources, establish a relief system, and collaborate. Since then, Spokane churches have recognized a deficit in crisis response and are organizing a network of churches to spearhead emergency and crisis response in our city.  

I am proud of our church body’s immediate mobilization, which gave generously and put faith into action by meeting needs, opening homes, and volunteering at shelters and outreaches. One woman in our church, who lost her home to the flames, tearfully shared how overwhelmed she was by the support she received. The church family gave her stacks of gift cards, bought her clothes, generously gave to the church to meet her financial needs, and called her constantly to pray with her.

As a pastor, I witnessed this verse in action: “To equip his people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up” (Ephesians 4:12 NIV).  


Our church, Riverside Real Life Church, and the entire surrounding neighborhood were destroyed by the Old Trails Fire that hit the Spokane community. Because of our location at the center of the damage, hundreds of people who call Riverside their church were displaced from their homes, at least temporarily. Praise God, most were able to return after one to two weeks; the number of homes lost in our congregation was in single digits. Many homes in the neighborhood my family lives in were destroyed, but thankfully, our home was spared, and we returned home after nine days.  

The response of our community and beyond has been amazing. I’ve been contacted by hundreds of pastors and churches from all across the country and most significantly, from all across the Open Bible family. I am convinced that the prayer on our behalf has made a difference as God has opened one door after another. On September 6th, we had our first Sunday service since the fires at a middle school near where the church building was located. We came together, standing room only, to reconnect, worship God, and envision the future.  

There are significant complications, but they are not barriers for Him.

Through the generosity of churches all over the country, we’ve been able to give significant financial assistance to families and individuals who’ve lost their homes, restart our small group system, launch a mobile Sunday service that we can be proud of, and continue our mission to “Reach the World for Jesus.”  

I’m full of gratitude to every person and church who’ve supported through care, finances, and prayer. When church leaders ask how they can pray, I tell them, “Please pray for God’s favor in the rebuilding process. There are significant complications, but they are not barriers for Him.”    

Thank you, Open Bible friends and family. I couldn’t be more grateful for your care and support; it has meant the world to me. 


In the midst of tragedy, God’s goodness and glory were evident. As Pastor Melissa Stelly said when sharing her story, “The Lord preserved, the Lord provided, and the Lord used His Church to serve.” But nothing expresses God’s grace over Spokane better than Isaiah 61:3:  

to bestow on them a crown of beauty 
instead of ashes, 
the oil of joy 
instead of mourning, 
and a garment of praise 
instead of a spirit of despair.  

Isaiah 61:3 (NIV) 

About the Author

Hannah Bemis currently serves as the editor and director of Message of the Open Bible. She always wanted to do too many things when she grew up, and God has been kind enough to let her do most of them in different seasons. Those seasons have included raising little ones at home, teaching, writing, and staff pastoring, with Hannah’s most recent adventure being planting and pastoring College Street Church in Newberg, Oregon, with her husband, Jordan. After Jesus and all her favorite people, she spends the remainder of her passion on pizza and dark chocolate in equal measure. 

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Embracing the Call to Unity in the Spirit 

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I am proud to have been a credentialed minister with Open Bible Churches for over four decades. What a privilege to have served in a variety of contexts across our wonderful family of several hundred congregations in the US, along with several thousand globally. Over those decades, God has gradually expanded my understanding of what it means to belong to His Church. 

I’ve enjoyed the enriching experience of embracing so many of the distinctives of what makes Open Bible, well, Open Bible: our unwavering commitment to Scripture as the inspired, authoritative Word of God; our resolve to plant and sustain healthy, vibrant local churches; our passion for the fullness and gifts of the Holy Spirit operating in our daily lives; and so much more. 

And yet, with the beauty of these ecclesial distinctives so evident in our movement, I believe I have come to realize that what we share together as our core values and practices are not completely unique to us. As a matter of fact, when we take a step back and consider just who is a part of the Body of Christ, we can discover that we have much in common with our brothers and sisters across the US and around the world. It took one unexpected friendship to deepen my understanding of what it means to belong not only to Open Bible Churches, but to the Church. 

Pentecostals from around the world, attending the Global Christian Forum in Accra, Ghana, April 2024.

A humbling experience for me has been to receive grace and love from others who are different than me even before I was prepared to offer the same to them. One example for me comes from my years as a participant in the International Catholic-Pentecostal Dialogue. This ongoing annual conversation was begun in the 1970s by David du Plessis, the Pentecostal known as “Mr. Pentecost,” and Father Kilian McDonnell, a Catholic theologian, and continues to this day. When I attended a session of this Dialogue for the first time in 1993, I was so focused on my disagreement with Catholic doctrines and practices that I was not in a place to show much hospitality. But over the next several decades I got to know the Catholic co-chair, Father Kilian, quite well. I was amazed at how well he knew Pentecostals like me, how much he wanted to learn more, and how much he cared for us. He was respectful, honest, and compassionate. We didn’t agree on everything, obviously. But he became a mentor to me, showing me how to treat others who were different than I was. And we became friends. He passed away last year at the age of 100, and I was honored to attend his memorial service. That experience changed how I think about the global Church. 

Father Kilian McDonnell

The following numbers paint a remarkable picture of the global family that shares our evangelical, Pentecostal, and charismatic faith. According to the 2026 Status of Global Christianity report, more than 1.1 billion Christians around the world identify as Evangelical, Pentecostal, or Charismatic. Of those, approximately 676 million are Pentecostal or Charismatic believers.  

That global family is wonderfully diverse, including classical Pentecostal denominations like Open Bible Churches, independent charismatic networks, Catholic Charismatics, and charismatic believers within many Protestant traditions (Anglican, Methodist, etc.). 

So why do these numbers matter? They remind us that we are part of something much larger than ourselves. We are not alone, and we are certainly not “small.” Along with our evangelical, Pentecostal, and charismatic brothers and sisters around the world, we are a fierce contingent in the Lord’s army. It’s both humbling and encouraging to remember that we belong to the CHURCH in all its vastness. 

But that doesn’t mean we have to give up our wonderful heritage, culture, and beauty that make us Open Bible Churches. We have something to contribute to the rest of the Church.  I’m reminded of the prophetic word delivered a few decades ago at one of our conventions: “Open Bible Churches is a vital organ in the Body of Christ!” That statement has never been more true. 

“Open Bible Churches is not ‘the Church.’
Open Bible Churches is part of the Church
— a wonderful part,
but a part.”

And yet, we also do not want to be guilty of isolation or sectarianism. Open Bible Churches is not “the Church.” Open Bible Churches is part of the Church. A wonderful part, but a part. So, it is healthy for us to remember our brothers and sisters in other denominations and networks, to pray for them, and even to cooperate with them in community and regional initiatives so that together we may faithfully steward our callings and responsibilities to advance the Kingdom of God on the earth. 

One of the most important ways we can grow in unity as believers is to start by acknowledging and valuing diversity in the Body of Christ. God didn’t make us all the same. Unity is not uniformity. The old adage still rings true: “in essentials, unity; in non-essentials, diversity; and in all things, charity.” May we agree to disagree with one another with clarity, respect, and most of all love. We can embrace grace and truth at the same time, and indeed we are called to it. 

No doubt you know some followers of Jesus in your community (and probably in your own family) who do not belong to Open Bible Churches. The invitation for us all is to love them, to be grateful for all that we share with them, and to offer some space (and some grace) for our differences. This is not easy. In fact, it is hard work. Remember the words of the apostle Paul: “As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace” (Eph. 4:1-3 NIV). If maintaining unity was easy, Paul wouldn’t have needed to admonish us to “make every effort” to do so. 

Jesus reminds us that unity isn’t just for our benefit: it’s one of the clearest testimonies to a watching world. 

But if we are willing to pay the price of seeing God’s big Church, and loving it the way He does, we’ll be more Christlike, and we’ll participate in being an answer to one of the last prayers Jesus prayed before He went to the cross on our behalf: “…that they may be one as we are one— I in them and you in me—so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me” (John 17:22-23 NIV). Jesus reminds us that unity isn’t just for our benefit: it’s one of the clearest testimonies to a watching world.  

Together, let’s allow the Lord to give us eyes to see the breadth and beauty of His Church, recognizing and loving our brothers and sisters in Christ in such an obvious way that we actually become answers to the prayer of Jesus in John 17. Amen? 

Here are a few resources that explore some of these issues related to Christian Unity:


About the Author

David Cole has been a credentialed minister with Open Bible Churches since 1984. He is currently Professor of Historical Theology at The King’s University in Southlake, Texas. He is also involved in a variety of initiatives related to his calling to encourage the pursuit of unity among believers in Jesus, and to that end currently serves as chair of the Christian Unity Commission with the Pentecostal/
Charismatic Churches of North America
. He and his wife, Julie, are parents of four, grandparents of ten, and are currently located in Newberg, Oregon, where they attend College Street Church. 

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A Thursday Morning Miracle 

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I woke up unable to speak. A breathing tube filled my throat. Machines surrounded my hospital bed. I was confused, intubated, and lying in an ICU room with no memory of how I got there. But strangely, I was not afraid. In the middle of the chaos, God gave me an unexplainable peace. 

I motioned desperately for paper and pencil so I could ask two questions: What happened? And where is George? 

My son’s father explained that I had been in a serious car accident. The car was completely destroyed. I had been found trapped beneath the steering wheel with severe facial injuries. 

That morning — January 22, 2026 — had started like any other Thursday. I got ready for work, buckled my 18-month-old son George into his car seat, and pulled out of the driveway expecting an ordinary day. 

It became anything but ordinary. 

My neighbor, who had left home at the same time I did, later explained what happened. We were both driving around fifteen miles per hour when the car I was driving suddenly lost control. I still do not know why, and I have no memory of the moment itself. 

By the grace of God, George was almost completely untouched. 

The car hit a cement light pole, crossed into oncoming traffic, and was struck head-on by another vehicle. Both vehicles spun, and the car I was driving slammed into another cement light pole. 

By the grace of God, George was almost completely untouched. 

The back windshield shattered directly above him, yet the glass never harmed him because of the position his car seat landed in. The entire back left side of the car was crushed inward, but George had been seated on the back right side. Even now, I can only thank God for His protection. 

I was taken by ambulance to the hospital and admitted into the Trauma ICU. Doctors told my family that I had suffered severe head trauma resulting in a brain bleed. I was also bleeding internally in my abdominal area, and they began preparing my family for the possible loss of my pregnancy. 

… the doctors did not know the God my family and I serve — and how merciful He is. 

But the doctors did not know the God my family and I serve — and how merciful He is. 

My family immediately began to pray. Members of my church, Open Bible Church of Homestead, began arriving at the hospital, and soon an entire army of people was interceding for me. 

During those first two days, I drifted in and out of consciousness and remember very little. But one moment remains clear in my mind: I heard the song “I Surrender” by Hillsong Worship playing in my hospital room. The lyrics, “Like a rushing wind, Jesus breathe within, Lord have Your way, Lord have Your way in me,” stayed with me and brought a deep sense of comfort in the middle of everything happening around me. In that moment, those words became my prayer as I quietly prayed, “I leave this in Your hands.” 

After three days in the ICU, I was successfully extubated and began making remarkable progress. Ultrasounds showed a happy, active baby, and the bleeding had stopped. 

On the fourth day, I was transferred out of the ICU into intermediate care before eventually moving to the medical-surgical floor. Doctors then began preparing me for maxillofacial surgery to reconstruct my face after multiple fractures. 

On January 30, I underwent an eight-hour surgery. By God’s grace, the procedure was successful, and another ultrasound afterward showed my unborn baby remained active and healthy. On February 3, I was finally discharged and able to return home. 

Since then, my recovery has gone smoothly. I am now twenty-eight weeks pregnant and waiting expectantly for the arrival of my baby. Through every frightening moment, God gave me strength and peace, and I never doubted His mercy. 

Today, I am a living testimony of His grace.


About the Author

Thammy Castro is a behavior technician living in Miami and a soon-to-be mother of two. In her free time, she enjoys traveling with her family. She is a member of Open Bible Church of Homestead, where her parents, Jose and Maria Castro, serve as pastors. 

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