{"id":13678,"date":"2020-09-01T07:57:16","date_gmt":"2020-09-01T07:57:16","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/messagemagazinetesthome.wpcomstaging.com\/?p=13678"},"modified":"2021-08-12T20:49:33","modified_gmt":"2021-08-12T20:49:33","slug":"5-things-not-to-say-when-someone-is-grieving","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/openbiblemessage.org\/es\/2020\/09\/5-things-not-to-say-when-someone-is-grieving\/","title":{"rendered":"5 Things NOT to Say When Someone is Grieving"},"content":{"rendered":"

By Nicole Kerr <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you have never experienced a season of grief, you at least know someone who has. We all struggle to know the right things to say and do, and there really isn\u2019t one right way to handle these situations. But hopefully these five tips of what NOT to do will help guide you the next time someone you care about is grieving. Avoid the following:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

1. \u201cAt least\u201d statements. <\/h4>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAt least you got to say good bye,\u201d \u201cat least she lived a long life,\u201d \u201cat least he isn\u2019t suffering anymore,\u201d \u201cat least we know they are in a better place,\u201d \u201cat least you have other kids or can try again,\u201d \u201cat least there are other ways to grow a family.\u201d These statements may come from a heart that is caring and wants to encourage, but in most cases they do the opposite. Even though they may be true, their truth doesn\u2019t make the loss feel any less painful. Someone that is grieving needs to have their grief acknowledged, not to be given the impression that their feelings are invalid.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

2. Bringing up your own similar situation. <\/h4>\n\n\n\n

No two experiences are ever the same, so saying something like \u201cI know how you feel\u201d can diminish the other person\u2019s feelings. When we bring up our own experiences, we are trying to show that we empathize with the grieving individual but in that moment the focus needs to be on the person who is grieving and not ourselves. Sharing your own experiences can be very helpful and welcome in the right situation, but it needs to come after acknowledging the personal grief of the individual and only if you are in a position in that person\u2019s life to offer that kind of experience or advice.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

3. Being overly emotional.  <\/h4>\n\n\n\n

Nothing is more exhausting for someone who is grieving than the need to stop and comfort others. The ability to grieve with someone is an amazing gift, and it can be comforting to know that someone else is feeling what you feel, but the need for the grieving person to constantly reassure the people around them that they will be okay is more exhausting than helpful.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

4. Asking \u201cHow do you feel?\u201d or \u201cHow are you doing?\u201d <\/h4>\n\n\n\n

This one isn\u2019t inherently wrong, because typically we do want to know how someone is doing and we should never assume that we know how they feel. But it gets asked so often that it can feel like a generic greeting at the supermarket such as \u201cHi, how are you?\u201d The other person feels expected to say, \u201cFine, and you?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If the grief is new, the grieving person may really not know how they are feeling, or they may be feeling so many things that they don\u2019t know how to explain it. And if someone is standing in a funeral receiving line, they only have time for \u201cWe are doing fine.\u201d So unless you actually have the time to sit and listen to how the person is doing or can help them process all these emotions, it may be best to avoid the question. That being said, asking how someone is doing is far better than not acknowledging their grief at all.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

5.\u202f Not saying anything <\/h4>\n\n\n\n

\u202fMost of the time we don\u2019t know what to say, or we are afraid we will say the wrong thing. We get uncomfortable when people are grieving so we say nothing. We stay away to \u201cgive them space.\u201d As someone who has been the griever many times, I can tell you that I would rather people say the wrong thing than not say anything at all. When you are grieving, it is common to feel alone, and when those who say they care about you don\u2019t acknowledge your pain, there is nothing lonelier.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ok, so what can we say or do when someone is grieving?<\/span> <\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

1. Let them know that you acknowledge their grief and that you are there for them. <\/h4>\n\n\n\n

You can start by saying, \u201cI am so sorry for your loss. If you or your family need anything, please let us know.\u201d In fact, offer specific ways you would be available to help. Or tell them, \u201cI can\u2019t imagine what you are going through. Please let me know how I can pray for you.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

2. Share memories if you knew the person that has passed. <\/h4>\n\n\n\n

There is nothing that feels better when you have lost someone than to remember the good times.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

3. Give a tangible gift, especially if it can be a reminder of the person who was lost. <\/h4>\n\n\n\n

Many times along with grief comes a fear of forgetting, so a tangible, meaningful item that can serve as a positive reminder is a nice touch.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

4. Pray for them. <\/h4>\n\n\n\n

Don\u2019t just say you will pray, do it. If you have the opportunity, pray for them in person.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

5. Give of yourself. <\/h4>\n\n\n\n

Even if you don\u2019t say anything, just being with someone who is grieving is a comfort. Bring dinner over or bake them cookies. Take them out for coffee. Don\u2019t try to force them to talk about their grief, but let them know you are there to listen if they want to. Simply being there can be more healing than the perfectly crafted condolence or a verse on a Hallmark card.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

No two people grieve the same, and even one person can grieve differently for different losses. But generally speaking, letting someone know you care for them and are there to support them is never wrong. As with anything else, ask God to guide you in how to best show His love to the person in need. 
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cRejoice with those who rejoice; mourn<\/strong> with those who mourn\u201d<\/strong> <\/p>(Romans 12:15).<\/em><\/cite><\/blockquote>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By Nicole Kerr  Even if you have never experienced a season of grief, you at least know someone who has. We all struggle to know the right things to say and do, and there really isn\u2019t one right way to handle these situations. 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