{"id":20015,"date":"2023-02-01T07:59:59","date_gmt":"2023-02-01T12:59:59","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/openbiblemessage.org\/?p=20015"},"modified":"2023-01-31T14:50:48","modified_gmt":"2023-01-31T19:50:48","slug":"learning-to-lament","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/openbiblemessage.org\/es\/2023\/02\/learning-to-lament\/","title":{"rendered":"Learning to Lament\u00a0"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

By Jessica Sanford <\/h2>\n\n\n\n\n\n

By nature, I tend to shy away from negative emotions, preferring a world where everyone is happy and there\u2019s no conflict. (Yes, I do realize this kind of world does not exist this side of heaven, but one can always dream!) As a result of my desire to avoid all things negative, I have sometimes struggled to admit to myself, to God, or to others those moments when hurt or sadness or fear or anxiety or discouragement or even anger have invaded my heart. I have erroneously believed to do so made me appear weak or whiny or somehow un-Christian. (Nobody likes a weak or whiny Christian. Am I right?)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I have erroneously believed my \u201cfaith\u201d obligated me to deal with my emotions quickly and move on, never really giving myself permission to \u201cfeel\u201d for too long, absorbing the negative circumstance and continuing on as if everything were fine (when everything wasn\u2019t fine). I felt the sting, but my reaction was more of a whimper rather than a shout. After all, Christians don\u2019t despair; they might cry, but only a little. Or so I thought.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Apparently, Christians are also super-human.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

These patterns worked \u2013 until they didn\u2019t \u2013 and I have spent the past several months coming face to face with some places of sorrow and disappointment I had never given myself permission to fully feel. I call these places \u201cpain spots.\u201d  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

If we are honest, we all have pain spots, areas in our lives that for lack of a better word, stink! A difficult boss, a troubled marriage, a prodigal child, broken relationships, unfulfilled dreams, unfair treatment, loneliness, betrayal, a bleak medical prognosis, lingering anxiety, physical and mental exhaustion, financial hardship, deep sorrow, the loss of a loved one. The list is seemingly endless. What do we do with these pain spots and the emotions they invoke? Though not an exhaustive list, some unhealthy responses might include denial, avoidance, withdrawal, isolation, victimhood, lashing out, self-harm, and self-medicating.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The reality is that we are emotional beings who face an array of both positive and negative emotions every day. To deny our emotions is to deny our humanness. As I am learning, emotionally healthy people learn to lean in to their emotions rather than brush them aside. They learn how to manage their emotions in appropriate, God-honoring ways. They are willing to be honest about what they are feeling, and they are willing to take the steps necessary to walk in wholeness.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

In her book How to Survive as a Pastor\u2019s Wife,<\/em> author Christine Hoover identified some of the challenges ministry leaders face. Though there are many joys, to be sure, there are also challenges. To ignore this fact would be dishonest. How can leaders navigate these inevitable challenges well? Hoover introduces a practice I had not considered. One way to process the hard places of ministry (and life) is through the practic<\/em>e o<\/em>f lament. <\/em> <\/p>\n\n\n\n

What exactly is lament? Lament can be defined as a passionate expression of grief or sorrow.<\/strong>  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

However, as Mark Vroegop points out in his book Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy: Discovering the Grace of Lament,<\/em> \u201cIn the Bible lament is more than sorrow or talking about sadness. It is more than walking through the stages of grief. Lament is a prayer in pain that leads to trust<\/em>.\u201di<\/sup> Vroegop goes on to describe biblical lament as \u201cthe honest cry of a hurting heart wrestling with the paradox of pain and the promise of God\u2019s goodness.\u201dii<\/sup> Or put another way, \u201cLament is how you live between the poles of a hard life and trusting in God\u2019s sovereignty.\u201diii<\/sup>  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Learning how to cultivate the skill of lament is healthy and biblical, and it can be a powerful tool in helping us process our emotions and pain spots. The Psalms are full of laments, making up about one third of the entire book.iv<\/sup> And an entire book of the Bible, Lamentations, is dedicated to lament.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

David expressed lament in Psalms 13 (NLT): <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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O Lord, how long will you forget me? Forever?<\/em> 
How long will you look the other way?<\/em> 
How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul,<\/em> 
with sorrow in my heart every day?<\/em> 
How long will my enemy have the upper hand?<\/em><\/strong> <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Turn and answer me, O Lord my God!<\/em> 
Restore the sparkle to my eyes, or I will die.<\/em> 
Don\u2019t let my enemies gloat, saying, \u201cWe have defeated him!\u201d<\/em> 
Don\u2019t let them rejoice at my downfall.<\/em> <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

But I trust in your unfailing love.<\/em> 
I will rejoice because you have rescued me.<\/em> 
I will sing to the Lord<\/em> 
because he is good to me.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Clearly, we don\u2019t live in a continual state of lament. There is a greater purpose to lament than merely grieving for grieving\u2019s sake, so how do we practice biblical lament?  <\/p>\n\n\n\n