Notice I did not say \u201cthat you were willing to take the time to try to \u2018fix them\u2019 or to \u2018solve all their problems\u2019 or to engage in ever-so-helpful \u2018telling.\u2019\u201d None of these things, no matter how well-intended, convey we care. (In fact, they generally have the opposite effect.) <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Conveying that we care starts with a willingness to listen more and talk less. And lest you think this is something I simply made up on the fly, this idea seems to be a biblical principle as well. James instructs us: \u201cYou must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry\u201d (James 1:10, NLT). <\/em>King Solomon put it like this: \u201cFor everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. . . . A time to be quiet and a time to speak\u201d <\/em>(Ecclesiastes 3:1,7). It is not that we never speak (that would be a little awkward), but it is important to know when to speak and when to listen. <\/p>\n\n\n\n We complicate things when we get the order wrong. <\/p>\n\n\n\n I am convinced that connecting each of us is an innate desire to be fully heard and to know with certainty that what is in our heart matters to the person on the other side of the conversation. Imagine how many relationships could benefit from both parties adopting a listening posture! <\/p>\n\n\n\n Authentic listening is powerful; it brings life; it brings healing; it deepens intimacy and strengthens connection. And it is a gift we all can give. <\/em> <\/p>\n\n\n\n Since I am a quieter and a naturally curious person, listening has always tended to be my first impulse. I am genuinely fascinated by people\u2019s stories (and much prefer hearing others\u2019 experiences over sharing my own). However, as I have come to learn, listening simply for \u201clistening\u2019s sake\u201d is not the same thing as being an authentic, active<\/em>, engaged<\/em>, heart-level listener<\/em>. In our conversations, it is entirely possible to hear every word being spoken but walk away having heard nothing at all. Authentic listening is a skill that must be cultivated and developed. <\/p>\n\n\n\n True, authentic listening <\/p>\n\n\n\n Is not distracted. <\/strong> This kind of listening is hard and, sadly, far too uncommon. Listening on this kind of level is something I have had to learn and develop over time \u2013 and I am still learning! <\/p>\n\n\n\n This kind of listening is impossible in our own strength.<\/em> We will need the resourcing of the Holy Spirit to help us with this. Perhaps you want to become a better listener as well? <\/p>\n\n\n\n Here are five ways to cultivate an authentic, active listening posture: <\/p>\n\n\n\n Authentic listening communicates that we care. And though not necessarily easy, everyone, with a little practice (and a lot of help from the Holy Spirit!), can be a better listener. I would say it is worth it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Jessica Sanford<\/strong> has served alongside her husband, Matt<\/strong>, in ministry for over two decades. She is a licensed coach with Leader Breakthru, Inc<\/em>. and is passionate about making disciples and helping facilitate the spiritual transformation of those not content with the status quo. She also loves seeing women in ministry, especially other pastors\u2019 wives, realize and step into their unique calling.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" By Jessica Sanford Recently, I was asked the question \u201cWhat surprises me most about people?\u201d I responded, \u201cIt\u2019s been my experience that most people simply want to know you care \u2013 that you were willing to take the time to truly listen.\u201d Notice I did not say \u201cthat you were willing to take the time to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":32,"featured_media":21026,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_coblocks_attr":"","_coblocks_dimensions":"","_coblocks_responsive_height":"","_coblocks_accordion_ie_support":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[373],"class_list":["post-21021","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-five-things","tag-sep23"],"yoast_head":"\n
Is compassionate. <\/strong>
Is others-focused. <\/strong>
Does not need to be right. <\/strong>
Is humble and non-defensive. <\/strong>
Listens for understanding and not necessarily agreement. <\/strong>
Can lay aside self-preoccupation in order to see things from the other person\u2019s perspective. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
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To be clear, I am not advocating that in the spirit of \u201clistening\u201d we allow someone to berate or denigrate us. There may be times when we simply must end the conversation, letting the other person know we will be happy to resume it once they can do so respectfully. God doesn\u2019t expect us to be anyone\u2019s verbal punching bag.\u00a0
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<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\nAbout the Author<\/h2>\n\n\n\n\n\n
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