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Creating a Safe Place in Your Marriage

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After coming home from a girls’ getaway with some friends several years ago, I eagerly greeted my husband and we then conversed about our days spent apart. He asked if I enjoyed my time away. I spoke with excitement, giving vivid details of my time with friends. Of course I asked how he enjoyed his time with our children .

He gave a general account of his experience; then he paused. I asked if everything was okay. 

He responded with hesitation: “Yes, but I have something that I want to share with you.” 

My heart sank and my mind began to race. What was he going to say? 

I began to bombard him with questions: “Are the kids okay?” “Are you okay?” “Did someone die?” 

He said, “Everyone is fine and I am okay, but I would like to let you know about an incident that occurred.”

He proceeded to tell me that he had taken our children to a park to play, and a woman was also there with her children. As the children played, the woman slowly made her way over to the bench where my husband was sitting. She began to engage in small talk and asked general questions. Then there was a shift in her conversation. 

She asked, “Are you married?” 

Up to this point my husband thought this was simply an innocent exchange between parents of young children. Then he began to realize that there was more to this encounter than met the eye. An attractive woman, she was not dressed in casual park attire; instead she was dressed rather suggestively. She then began to make flirtatious remarks. At that point my husband understood clearly what was going on and quickly proclaimed that he was a happily married man and was not interested in anyone or anything that would change that status. 

After my husband and I spoke at length about this situation, we reaffirmed our commitment to God, each other, and our children. However, we became well aware of the forces of evil that work against what God has put together. We decided that some of the weapons we would use to fight for our marriage were honesty and accountability. We developed a new set of standards for our marriage. We decided that if either of us were ever placed in a situation where there was flirtatious behavior toward one of us from someone outside of our marriage, we would let the other know. We also decided that if one of us found someone else attractive either physically or intellectually, we would let the other know. 

Our culture suggests that you can “have your cake and eat it too” because you deserve it. This goes against everything that a Christian marriage represents.

We live in a culture that does not value the sanctity of marriage. Therefore, we are constantly inundated with media and conversations that promote self-centered behavior. Our culture suggests that you can “have your cake and eat it too” because you deserve it. This goes against everything that a Christian marriage represents.

In Ephesians 5:25, husbands are admonished to “love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” A wife is to respect her husband. Honesty and accountability promote love and respect in a marriage. A husband and a wife must strive to be secure in their relationship with God first and then with each other. This will allow them to create a safe place for honesty and accountability without strife and accusation. I realize this can be difficult if there have been past experiences of infidelity, in which case I strongly suggest professional counseling to bring healing and restoration. I challenge you today as a married couple. Strive to create a safe place for your spouse to share his or her struggles. Resist the temptation to accuse or become offended. Seek the face of God and allow Him to shed light on your current struggle. May the peace of God guard your hearts and minds as you entrust your marriage and family into the hands of our heavenly Father.

How to Safeguard Your Marriage –

    • Make your spouse aware of flirtatious behavior toward you from someone outside of your marriage.
    • Let your spouse know if you find yourself inappropriately attracted physically, intellectually, or emotionally to someone outside of your marriage.
    • Ask your spouse on a regular basis what you can do to improve your marriage.
    • Pray for and with your spouse regularly.
    • Embrace transparency with cell phones and computers since you should have nothing to hide.
    • Encourage overall transparency in your marriage that is rooted in trust, not insecurity.
    • Regularly attend marriage conferences, seminars, and retreats for encouragement and refreshing

By Renita Collins

Renita Collins currently serves as an executive pastor alongside her husband, Frank Collins Jr., who is the senior pastor of Breath of Life Christian Church in Harper Woods, Michigan. She is a mother of two and the author of two books, 31 Days of Focus and Persevere. The Collins family resides in St. Clair Shores, Michigan.

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The Church I See

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There has been much discussion about the future of the Church. While I’m not a futurist or researcher, I’m grateful for voices that help us think wisely about pursuing the mission of the Church in an ever-changing culture. Researchers like Ed Stetzer and Carey Nieuwhof highlight some encouraging trends, such as revivals on college campuses, rising Bible sales, and Gen Z’s hunger for authentic faith.

I carry deep conviction and a faith-filled anticipation about what I see and am praying for. When I think about the Church and the days ahead, I don’t see a Church in retreat, but I do see a Church being refined  – prepared for what God is getting ready to do. A victorious and glorious Church (Eph. 5:27).

Jesus said, “I will build my church, and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it” (Matt. 16:18 ESV). That promise has no expiration date. Jesus is still building His Church today.

As the church advances, it will not stand on programs, buildings, or production. . . it will be built on the authority of Christ and the power of the Holy Spirit.

Across the body of Christ, there is a growing recognition that the future of the Church will not be built by addition alone, but by multiplication. Disciples will make disciples, leaders will develop and release leaders, and churches will plant churches. There are many voices helping to bring clarity to this, and we are seeing that same conviction take shape within Open Bible through our Mission to Multiply and the Power of We.

So, when I think about the Church and what is ahead of us, what do I see?

We often measure success by attendance, budgets, and programs. While salvations and baptisms remain central, we must expand the scorecard. As Larry Walkemeyer describes in The River Church, we must move from “lake churches” that gather to “river churches” that send – becoming disciple makers who multiply.

The book of Acts shows us a model of a church that did not just meet but multiplied. The future will not belong to churches that simply gather a crowd, but it will belong to churches that make and send disciple makers. Jesus did not commission us to build an audience. He commanded us to go and make disciples (Matt. 28:19). Multiplication begins there – in intentional, relational, Spirit-led disciple making.

Multiplication is not just a strategy or a motto we adopt. It is the culture of Spirit-empowered, disciple-making churches. The Church I see measures health not only by attendance, but by how many are discipled, equipped, and sent to reproduce what’s been invested in them. This is our Mission to Multiply.

I SEE A SPIRIT-EMPOWERED CHURCH

We live in a time of rapid change. Technology, AI, and social media shape how we communicate and connect. These tools can be helpful, but they don’t transform lives. The Holy Spirit does. 

These tools can be helpful, but they don’t transform lives. The Holy Spirit does. 

Pentecost was Heaven’s defining moment for the birth of the Church and the fulfillment of what Jesus said in Acts 1:8. The early followers of Jesus did not have the influence, resources, or tools we have today. What they had was the power of God. That has not changed!

In the days ahead, more than ever, the Church will move forward not through innovation alone but through consecration. The church I see is unapologetically dependent on the Spirit of God.

I SEE A COURAGEOUS CHURCH

In the book of Acts, every step forward required courage – Peter and John before the Sanhedrin, Stephen in the face of death, Peter going to Cornelius’s home, the sending out of Paul and Barnabas. These were not small steps; they were courageous steps across cultural and spiritual boundaries. The early Church moved from gathering to going, from addition to multiplication. The expansion of the early Church was not accidental. It followed obedience and courage.

The Church I see will walk in that same Spirit.

Courage to preach the truth in love.
Courage to plant in hard places.
Courage to raise and release the next generation.
Courage to choose multiplication over comfort.
Courage to link arms with others for the sake of the greater mission.
Courage to build the Kingdom over our own castles.

We can stand on His promise and by His Spirit knowing “God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power and of love and of a sound mind” (2 Tim. 1:7 NKJV).

I SEE THE POWER OF WE

As we look forward, one of the strongest convictions I carry is this: our future will be stronger through the Power of We.

Individualism limits impact; partnership multiplies it. When we share vision, develop leaders, and align around mission, we step into something far greater than any one church could accomplish alone.  I believe the future Church will not thrive through isolation but will flourish through collaboration. The church I see understands that “we” is stronger than “me.”

When we share vision, develop leaders, and align around mission, we step into something far greater than any one church could accomplish alone.

I am confident in what God has called us to:

The church that makes disciple makers will multiply.

The church that depends on the Holy Spirit will endure.

The church that walks in courage will advance. This is the church I see, and I believe we are being invited to build it together.


About the Author

Michael Nortune serves as president of Open Bible Churches. He has ministered in the local church faithfully for thirty-five years. From his start as a janitor and groundskeeper to church planter and lead pastor of Life Church in Concord, California, Michael has had the opportunity to gain experience in every capacity within the church throughout his ministry. Not only does he have hands-on experience on the local level, but Michael has also led at the district, regional, and national levels within Open Bible Churches. Michael and his wife, Julie, currently reside in Colorado and love living near five of their six children and their spouses. They also treasure the time they spend with their other daughter who lives in Alabama with their first (but not the last) grandson!

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Reopening the Old Wells: Bringing Ancient Liturgy to the Modern Age

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Isaac dug out again the wells that were dug during the lifetime of his father Abraham. The Philistines had closed them up after Abraham’s death. Isaac gave them the same names his father had given them. Isaac’s servants dug wells in the valley and found a well there with fresh water. (Genesis 26:18-19 CEB).

I came to faith as a teenager and had very few church experiences up to that point. My earliest formation as a Christ follower took place within Open Bible church settings, where I found deep community and meaningful spiritual experiences that I continue to value. At the same time, as in many modern evangelical churches, there was limited exposure to the ancient liturgies and historic practices of the wider Church.

A worship service at Cove Church, Pastor Aaron’s church in Eugene, Oregon.

These traditional cornerstones that were foundational to ecclesial life for millennia had been almost eliminated in the churches I attended. It seemed to me that these practices were at best met with ignorance and at worst with grave suspicion. The predictable result was that any real understanding and appreciation for ancient liturgical practices was absent from the first two decades of my church life. I rarely thought about things like Ash Wednesday services, the Book of Common Prayer, and Advent, and if I did, it was with a healthy side dish of uninformed judgment. I viewed Lent the same way I viewed lentils: it was a cold and exotic experience that was both frightening to prepare and painful to consume.

I viewed Lent the same way I viewed lentils: it was a cold and exotic experience that was both frightening to prepare and painful to consume.

This was my context as a few of our church staff began asking whether we could introduce some of these ancient practices into our church worship experience. As you might imagine given my church background, it took me a while to warm up to the idea. I began a process of asking questions, listening, and learning, even reaching out to an Anglican priest friend to hear his take on the value of these long-held traditions. Through all this, Christ in His goodness and patience has allowed us now to incorporate many of these practices into our regular church experience. As a result, I am happy to report that we are experiencing wonderful depth and meaning in our gatherings as we’ve adopted and applied some of these long-proven elements of discipleship.

Our time of worship now always includes the public reading of a Psalm (a practice we have adopted from the Book of Common Prayer) to bring us back to the ancient hymn book of Israel. We have a fresh understanding of what it is to give up something physical in order to gain something spiritual as we fast in the forty days of Lent. Christmas time and the lighting of Advent candles help us celebrate Christ’s first arrival while reminding us to await His second arrival. And Ash Wednesday, with its outward sign of repentance and mortality, leads us to humble ourselves before God, understanding how desperately we need His saving grace. Finally, the celebration of life on Easter Sunday has far greater meaning now because it is preceded by the sobriety of the death we remember on Good Friday.

This is not to say that incorporating these elements has always been smooth. We’ve learned to introduce them slowly and with great attention to the “why” behind the “what.” Along the way, we’ve had our share of growth opportunities and mishaps. One example happened early on in our journey, when we tried to introduce some ancient call and response types of prayers. The practice led several people to worry that we had become a completely different kind of church. We haven’t yet reintroduced those prayers in our services.

We have found that moving slowly and consistently, explaining the meaning of the practices, and laughing at ourselves through our failed attempts have been the key ingredients to discovering the power of these ancient gifts.

Another example took place during last year’s Ash Wednesday service. During this type of service, ash is used to mark the sign of a cross on each believer’s forehead. This marking symbolizes our own mortality and repentance, as we take up our cross and turn from our sins. Well, our beloved worship leader wanted to add scent to the ashes to create a fuller sensory experience. To do so, he incorporated essential oils, including cinnamon, into the ashes. Little did any of us know that undiluted cinnamon oil burns on the skin. Talk about your full sensory experience. All of us in the service sat wondering what it reveals about our spiritual condition if the ash cross on our forehead feels like it’s on fire. There was a great sigh of relief when our executive pastor let people know what had happened, and a mad dash to the bathrooms ensued as people quickly washed away the painful marker. The next Sunday I formally apologized for turning their Ash Wednesday into a Rash Wednesday.

In these moments and more, we have found that moving slowly and consistently, explaining the meaning of the practices, and laughing at ourselves through our failed attempts have been the key ingredients to discovering the power of these ancient gifts. Just as Isaac reopened the ancient wells of his father to discover pure water, we too can rediscover the meaning of these ancient practices in our churches and experience their fresh water again.


About the Author

Aaron Sutherland is the founding pastor of Cove Church in Eugene, Oregon, and the Director of Multiplication for Pacific Region Open Bible. Along with his wife, Paula, he finds great joy in watching God reveal the new stories being written into the lives of people from every corner of the world.

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Reabriendo los pozos viejos: Llevar la liturgia antigua a la era moderna

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Y volvió a abrir Isaac los pozos de agua que habían abierto en los días de Abraham su padre, y que los filisteos habían cegado después de la muerte de Abraham; y los llamó por los nombres que su padre los había llamado.  Pero cuando los siervos de Isaac cavaron en el valle, y hallaron allí un pozo de aguas vivas. (Génesis 26:18-19, RVR-1960).

Me convertí al cristianismo en la adolescencia y, hasta ese momento, había tenido muy pocas experiencias en la iglesia. Mi formación inicial como seguidor de Cristo tuvo lugar en la iglesia de la Biblia Abierta, donde encontré una comunidad profunda y experiencias espirituales significativas que sigo valorando. Al mismo tiempo, como en muchas iglesias evangélicas modernas, el contacto con las antiguas liturgias y prácticas de la Iglesia en general era limitado.

Un servicio de adoración en Cove Church, la iglesia del pastor Aaron en Eugene, Oregon.

Estos pilares tradicionales, que durante milenios habían sido fundamentales para la vida de la Iglesia, habían sido prácticamente eliminados de las iglesias a las que asistía. Me parecía que, en el mejor de los casos, estas prácticas se ignoraban y, en el peor, se miraban con gran recelo. El resultado previsible fue que, durante las dos primeras décadas de mi vida eclesiástica, no llegué a conocer ni a apreciar realmente estas antiguas prácticas litúrgicas. Rara vez pensaba en cosas como los servicios del Miércoles de Ceniza, el Libro de Oración Común y el Adviento, y, si lo hacía, era con una buena dosis de prejuicios. Veía la Cuaresma de la misma manera que veía las lentejas: una experiencia fría y exótica que daba miedo preparar y era dolorosa de consumir.

Veía la Cuaresma de la misma manera que veía las lentejas: una experiencia fría y exótica que daba miedo preparar y era dolorosa de consumir.

Este era mi contexto cuando algunos miembros del personal de nuestra iglesia comenzaron a preguntar si podríamos incorporar algunas de estas prácticas antiguas en nuestra experiencia de adoración en la iglesia. Como se pueden imaginar, dada mi formación eclesiástica, me llevó un tiempo aceptar la idea. Empecé a hacer preguntas, a escuchar y a aprender. Incluso me puse en contacto con un amigo sacerdote anglicano para conocer su opinión sobre el valor de estas tradiciones tan arraigadas. A través de todo esto, Cristo, en su bondad y paciencia, nos ha permitido ahora incorporar muchas de estas prácticas en nuestra experiencia eclesiástica habitual. Me complace informar de que nuestras reuniones tienen ahora una profundidad y un significado maravillosos en nuestras reuniones, ya que hemos adoptado y aplicado algunos de estos elementos del discipulado que han demostrado su eficacia con el paso del tiempo.

Ahora, nuestro tiempo de adoración siempre incluye la lectura pública de un salmo (una práctica que hemos adoptado del Libro de Oración Común) que nos transporta al antiguo himnario de Israel. Tenemos una nueva comprensión de lo que significa renunciar a algo material o para ganar algo espiritual mientras ayunamos durante los cuarenta días de Cuaresma. La época navideña y la ceremonia de encender las velas de Adviento nos ayudan a celebrar la primera Venida de Cristo, y a recordar que debemos esperar su segunda venida. Y el Miércoles de Ceniza, con su signo externo de arrepentimiento y mortalidad, nos invita a humillarnos ante Dios, y a reconocer cuán desesperadamente necesitamos su gracia salvadora. Por último, la celebración de la vida el Domingo de Pascua tiene ahora un significado mucho mayor, ya que va precedida de la sobriedad de la muerte que recordamos el Viernes Santo.

Esto no quiere decir que la incorporación de estos elementos siempre haya sido fácil. Hemos aprendido a introducirlos poco a poco, prestando mucha atención al «porqué» detrás del «qué». A lo largo del camino, hemos tenido nuestras oportunidades de crecimiento y nuestros contratiempos. Un ejemplo ocurrió al principio de nuestro camino, cuando intentamos introducir algunas oraciones antiguas de llamada y respuesta. La práctica llevó a varias personas a preocuparse de que nos hubiéramos convertido en un tipo de iglesia completamente diferente. Todavía no hemos reintroducido esas oraciones en nuestros servicios.

Hemos descubierto que movernos lenta y consistentemente, explicar el significado de las prácticas y reírnos de nosotros mismos a través de nuestros intentos fallidos han sido los ingredientes clave para descubrir el poder de estos antiguos dones.

Otro ejemplo ocurrió durante el servicio del Miércoles de Ceniza del año pasado. En este tipo de servicio, se utiliza ceniza para trazar una cruz en la frente de cada creyente. Esta marca simboliza nuestra propia mortalidad y arrepentimiento, y representa el momento en que tomamos nuestra cruz y nos apartamos de nuestros pecados. Bueno, nuestro querido líder de adoración quiso añadir aroma a las cenizas para crear una experiencia sensorial más completa. Para ello, añadió aceites esenciales, entre ellos canela, a las cenizas. Ninguno de nosotros sabía que el aceite de canela sin diluir quema la piel. Hablando de una experiencia sensorial completa… Todos los que estábamos en el servicio nos sentamos preguntándonos qué revelaba acerca de nuestra condición espiritual el hecho de que la cruz de ceniza de nuestra frente pareciera estar ardiendo. Hubo un gran suspiro de alivio cuando nuestro pastor ejecutivo informó a la gente de lo que había sucedido, y se produjo una carrera loca hacia los baños para lavarse rápidamente la dolorosa marca. Al domingo siguiente me disculpé formalmente por haber convertido su Miércoles de Ceniza en un Miércoles de Erupción.

En este y en otros momentos, hemos descubierto que avanzar lentamente y con constancia, explicar el significado de las prácticas y reírnos de nosotros mismos ante nuestros intentos fallidos han sido los ingredientes clave para descubrir el poder de estos antiguos legados. Al igual que Isaac reabrió los antiguos pozos de su padre para encontrar agua pura, nosotros también podemos redescubrir el significado de estas antiguas prácticas en nuestras iglesias y volver a experimentar su agua fresca

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Sobre el autor

Aaron Sutherland es el pastor fundador de la iglesia Cove Church en Eugene, Oregón, y director de Multiplicación de la región del Pacífico de la Biblia Abierta. Junto con su esposa, Paula, disfruta ver cómo Dios escribe nuevas historias en la vida de personas de todo el mundo.

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