5 Things
Five Ways to Fill Your Child’s Love Tank
by Terri Michel
If a person’s emotional “love tank” is not filled as a child, it can create a hole inside of them that is hard to fill as an adult. Numerous studies show the importance of a child’s receiving love and affection for him or her to achieve happiness and success in life. On the flip side, childhood abuse and a lack of love can cause physical and emotional problems that can follow people throughout their entire lives.
The following actions are of the utmost importance if you want to fill a child’s love tank, whether that child is your own or someone else’s child running through the church.
1) Communicating Through Their Primary Love Language
Do you ever sense an emotional gap between you and your child that you wish you could remove? We love our children so much, but do they understand how much we love them? Each child has their own way of receiving love. Our knowing their primary love language allows them to receive our love. According to the book The Five Love Languages of Children1 by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell, the five basic love languages are tender touch, supportive words, quality time, gifts, and acts of service. Communicating love to a child through their primary love language helps the child to be able to receive that love to its fullest. The older a child gets, the easier it is to identify their primary love language, although it’s important for children to receive from all five love languages. The Five Love Languages of Children is a useful tool to help us understand our children better so we can help fill their emotional love tank to the fullest.
2) Teaching
One of the most important ways we can fill our child’s love tank is to teach them about God’s unconditional love. Whether we are parents, teachers, grandparents, or children’s ministry workers, we can all have a part in teaching children about the awesome, eternal love of God. Before the beginning of time God knew them and loved them. They are all precious in His sight! We must teach them that God loved us all so much that even though we were born sinners, God sent His son, Jesus, to spare us the punishment we deserved. It is important for children to know that they can talk to God anytime and anywhere.
Singing biblical songs with children is a fun teaching device. I remember singing “Jesus Loves Me” as a child. It helped me even then to understand God’s love. Sharing Bible stories at home or at church with children also teaches these truths.
The words from a song by Ray Boltz, “Thank You for Giving to the Lord,”2 are an inspiration to me:
You used to teach my Sunday school when I was only eight.
Every week you would say a prayer before the class would start.
One morning when you said that prayer, I asked Jesus in my heart.
Thank you for giving to the Lord. I am a life that was changed.
Thank you for giving to the Lord. I am so glad you gave.
Imagine one day in heaven learning that a child found the Lord because you took time out to lovingly teach him or her.
3) Talking and Listening
Talking with, listening to, and all other forms of communicating with our children help them feel valued and fills their emotional love tank. It also helps them develop their communication skills with others, giving them more self-confidence.
Ask your children what is important to them. At church, get to know children’s names. Show interest in them, and when they open up, listen. Praise a child when you see them being kind or helpful. Have little conversations with them and smile at them. Children feel loved when we show genuine interest by talking and listening. I still feel the warmth I experienced as a child when a dear older lady at church would talk to me. Catch these moments while you still have the opportunity. It’s surprising how quickly newborns become little people walking around and talking.
4) Serving as a Role Model
Be a good example for children to follow. Demonstrate the importance of loving God and making Him your top priority. Ground yourself in His Word. It transforms our lives, enabling us to be that godly role model.
Letting God’s light shine through us to our kids will inspire them to understand more of God’s unconditional love. What a remarkable love tank filler! Go to church with your children. Not only will your children learn about God, but the teaching they receive will also influence future generations to be faithful in learning about our precious Savior. Our children must see us trust God even when we don’t always have answers. Our example will give our children inner peace, knowing that God is in control of their lives and is sovereign over all.
5) Treasuring Them
Treasure your children! Their knowing they are treasured helps keep their love tanks full. When I was a young mother and my children were small, an older man at church told me to treasure those days and not allow myself to become too busy. He told me he had worked too hard and didn’t appreciate his children as much as he should have. His children had grown up and moved away. He regretted that he had not treasured those years as much as he should have. I knew he was right, and I would repeat his words over and over in my mind through the years. Yet somehow work and life took its toll, and looking back, I wish I had treasured my children more. I now understand how quickly the years pass, never to return. Our children are growing so quickly and absorbing everything they see, hear, and touch.
I’m a grandma now, and I deeply adore and treasure my grandchildren. It’s an astounding and humbling thought that by pouring love into our children’s lives and telling them about God, we can influence them, our grandchildren, and even our great-grandchildren. The influence of unconditional love shown to our children can flow through to future generations because we filled our children’s love tanks! May our children develop a faith that will go on and on and on.
About the Author
Terri Michel and her husband, Dan, live in Ankeny, Iowa. God has blessed them with four children and nine beautiful grandchildren whom they love dearly. Terri works with her daughter Nicole Beaird in children’s ministries at Journey Church of the Open Bible in Urbandale, Iowa.
1Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell, 5 Love Languages of Children: The Secret to Loving Children (Northfield Publishing, 2016).
2Boltz, Ray. “Thank You for Giving to the Lord.” Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd., Universal Music Publishing Group, 1988.
Open Bible has a rich heritage of women ministry leaders. Our denomination was birthed in revival and formed by the union of two movements that branched off from other denominations founded and led by women (Florence Crawford and Aimee Semple McPherson). Open Bible’s position on women in ministry leadership celebrates women leaders at all levels. However, even with this rich history and current blessing for women in ministry leadership, it is still rare to find women in certain ministry positions within our churches. There are multiple reasons for this, but here are five actions to consider when addressing this issue.
1. Look at your own biases.
Most often, women aren’t chosen for senior leadership roles because “it hasn’t been done before.” Tradition can be a powerful force, but sometimes it keeps important change from happening. Ask yourself how you would feel if a woman were chosen as the senior pastor of your church. Chances are it might feel awkward. Awkward doesn’t always mean it’s wrong. It usually means it’s just different. This awkwardness is often temporary, and the willingness to lean into it can create new opportunities for women to lead. When a ministry leadership position opens, allow yourself to consider both women and men as candidates for the position.
2. Study what Scripture says about women leaders.
The Old and New Testaments are full of women who played important leadership roles at all levels. Look at the influence and level of authority they were given. Study the “problem passages” (e.g. 1 Corinthians 14:34 and 1 Timothy 2:12) in Scripture that appear to limit women teaching and speaking. Some reputable scholars and commentaries show how these passages were meant to address specific problems that the early church dealt with rather than become an overall rule limiting women in leadership. If you are a church leader, clearly communicate your church’s position on women in ministry leadership. Too often, this topic is ignored, keeping the status quo going.
3. Champion women leaders.
Encourage women, young and old, who have the gift to lead. Mentor them. Hire them. It is a blessing when a woman unselfishly cheers on another woman in her leadership; too often, there’s a temptation to be jealous or deliver harsh criticism, which leads to hesitance in stepping into leadership. It’s especially impactful when a male leader encourages and makes room for a woman to lead. Giving the same opportunities to women that would be given to men who are learning to lead is so important. Too often it is rare to have a young woman given time on stage or other public responsibilities while such opportunities are given to the men who are being trained. Try to be equal where you can. Make room for inexperience and give repeated opportunities to learn and grow.
4. Preach about strong women leaders in the Bible.
Scripture is filled with women leaders such as Miriam, Hannah, Esther, Deborah, Mary, and Priscilla. Highlighting their lives shows how God’s leadership gifts are given to both men and women. This encourages women leaders and gives them biblical role models.
5. Nurture a culture of leadership sharing.
Many times, the church hears from one pastor’s voice most of the time. Regularly sharing the pulpit creates space where leaders in training can experience public ministry. Allowing both men and women to preach helps your congregation become accustomed to both male and female leadership, creating a bench of players who can be trained to assist at all levels of church leadership. This keeps the church from idolizing or draining one leader and allows more people’s gifts to be shared.
The Church, the Bride of Christ, functions more fully when men and women work side by side in leadership. When women’s voices and leadership gifts are ignored or limited, half of the Church’s voice is muted. However, when men and women unselfishly share leadership and influence, God’s kingdom moves forward powerfully. This unselfish sharing of leadership reflects God’s nature more fully, creating a space where the Holy Spirit can come and powerfully move.
Additional resources:
- Open Bible Manual – Official Statements 7.6: The Role of Women in Ministry and Leadership (p. 89)
- Open Bible Webinar: Women in Ministry Leadership: Answering God’s Call
- Book to help with biblical theology of women in ministry leadership: God’s Women Then and Now by Deborah M. Gill and Barbara Cavaness.
About the Author
Julie Cole
Julie Cole is the Associate Director of Spiritual Formation and Soul Care at The King’s University in Southlake, TX. She’s a licensed marriage and family therapist, spiritual director, and an ordained minister. Julie desires to inspire people to hear God’s voice and to see His hand in both the big and small experiences of life. Julie and her husband, David, live in Fort Worth, Texas, and have four children and eight grandchildren with two more on the way in 2025.
Years ago, I took the StrengthsFinder Assessment, which is designed to help a person understand their top gifts. “Achiever” fell at the top of my list, and I found myself feeling uncomfortable with this result. I wrestled with my uneasiness, unsure why I felt this way until God began to unlock my understanding. From the time I was young, I had built my life to be full to the brim, accumulating a long resume of accomplishments, none of which brought me satisfaction. Instead, God placed a hunger inside of me to be marked by the supernatural. One definition of supernatural is “above, beyond, and far higher and greater than the natural.” I longed to see things that exceeded what I could do through my own achievements and to witness the power of God in my daily life.
God placed a hunger inside of me to be marked by the supernatural.
Since that time, God has taught me to forsake striving and performance, instead discovering His will and wisdom by walking in friendship with Him. Even more than before, my heart yearns to experience ministry moments that inspire awe of our magnificent God. Our team had the honor of experiencing some of these moments during our summer of outreach at Asbury Park. As I share our story, I’ll also share the five lessons we learned through reaching our neighborhood.
1. We can partner with God to see His desires fulfilled.
We were gathered for our regular weekly prayer meeting when God said, “I want this neighborhood. Will you make My name great at Asbury Park?” We felt the weight of this invitation. For a year, we had been hosting neighbors in the basement of our ministry house for weekly dinners. Dozens had found community and a sense of belonging in that space. Some had already met Jesus, but He wanted us to cast the net further. No one on our team had imagined taking our Thursday night dinners out to the park for the summer. But God had heard our cry: “God, you get to do whatever is in your heart to do. We pray your will be done in this region and that Jesus would be glorified.” And that day, He gave us another piece of His blueprint for our region.
2. We don’t have to strive.
Naturally, we looked at the invitation from God and imagined possibilities of how to gather the community at our neighborhood park. We considered the successes of past events that utilized raffle and prize incentives or entertainment such as bounce houses. We went back to prayer and God revealed more of His plan to us. He wanted it simple. As we prayed, He gave us visions of the stations in the park: crafts themed to tell the story of creation, food to fill bellies, a field with kids carefree and playing, bold worship, and a baptismal. He said to get ready for people to be saved and baptized!
May we all live in daily expectation of the things that are beyond what we could do in our own ability, partnering with God and watching His fame spread across the earth.
3. God has a storehouse of provision.
Although God’s plan was relatively simple, we did not have the finances or workers to pull off this vision of taking dinners to the park every other week throughout the summer. God impressed upon us that He would be faithful to provide everything we needed to serve the community in this way. We chose to embrace His plan with faith that He would make a way.
4. God loves collaboration.
God brilliantly inspired us to reach out to many individuals and groups, inviting them to partner with us in reaching the Five Points Neighborhood in Toledo. Over a dozen churches were represented by the participants who filled volunteer slots and donated food and supplies. The greater Body of Christ truly came together, unified around Jesus and His mission.
5. Love + Power + Gospel = Jesus gets His reward
When our dinners first launched at the ministry base in 2023, God gave us a foundational verse to build upon:
“Walk continually in love [that is, value one another—practice empathy and compassion, unselfishly seeking the best for others], just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and sacrifice to God [slain for you, so that it became] a sweet fragrance” (Ephesians 5:2 AMP).
God desired for this aroma to rise to Heaven, the smell of a people walking in sacrificial love. And so, His people took that love to the park. We shared the good news that Jesus gave His life so that all could be saved, healed, and delivered. Many accepted the invitation to receive this gift from Jesus, giving their lives to Him. People experienced healing in their bodies and freedom from bondage. Many encountered the power of the Holy Spirit in a personal way. Twenty-four people chose to follow Jesus through water baptism!
God rained down this summer on Asbury Park. It was His plan, His provision, His glory. It was Jesus’ reward. May we all live in daily expectation of the things that are beyond what we could do in our own ability, partnering with God and watching His fame spread across the earth.
About the Author
Sarah Williams
Sarah Williams and her husband, George, have been in ministry together since they were married in 2006. They began their journey as urban missionaries, which led to planting and co-pastoring CityLight Church. In 2016, Sarah founded the Transformation Center, where she and her team have helped hundreds of people find wholeness and freedom. Sarah’s passion is for Jesus to receive His reward through salvation, healing, and deliverance. The team at the Transformation Center welcomes ministers to book a stay to receive personal ministry or to visit and partner with them in reaching their community.
Every student should have an opportunity to encounter Jesus beyond the walls of a church. Most students further their relationship with Christ at special events like church camps or mission trips. But the reality of these intentional events is that they cost money, and sometimes a lot of money, for our students. Money should never be the reason a student doesn’t get to experience Jesus in a new way. Fundraising can be daunting for a youth pastor, but it doesn’t have to be! We have found that there are some consistent keys to make fundraising enjoyable, successful, and a blessing to the community.
- Diversify your fundraising sources.
Sometimes it is difficult to fundraise because it feels like we are asking the same people repeatedly to donate. When planning which types of fundraisers you’re going to do each year, make sure the fundraisers draw from various sources and audiences.
- Have a fundraiser that focuses on church engagement, allowing church members to bless the youth (e.g. Dessert Auction, Work Project, Bingo Night).
- Have a fundraiser that draws from the local community. These might offer a service that people in your community need or enjoy (e.g. Car Wash, Flower Basket Sales, Corn Hole Tournament, Restaurant Coupons).
- Have a fundraiser that draws from parents. They are going to have to pay for a portion of the event cost, so you might as well offer something to them in exchange for their investment
.(e.g. Dunk Tank to dunk students or youth leaders, Date Night with babysitting at the church).
- Lastly, have a fundraiser that casts a wide net and engages high numbers of people. You never know who will want to support you or who will want to help you network (e.g. Call/Text-A-Thon).
- Make fundraisers fun for students!
The worst thing ever is when leaders or parents are doing all the work to fundraise for their students. When we make fundraisers fun, students will want to show up and do the work. Here are two of our favorites as examples:
- Wing-A-thon: We have a local chicken shack that makes incredible wings, and they allow us to come in and eat unlimited wings for an hour. Students must collect sponsors to pay them for each wing they can eat. There are “Wing Refs” that ensure students eat all the meat off the bone, there is trivia for spectators, and prizes are awarded based on most wings eaten, fewest wings eaten, spiciest basket finished, surprise competitor, etc. We even let family members eat on behalf of students to encourage everyone to participate (sponsors just need to know it is Dad eating the wings and not a 12-year-old).
- Dunk Tank Fundraiser: Every year at our summer baptism service, we spend a couple hundred bucks and rent a dunk tank. People can pay ten dollars for three chances to dunk the student of their choice, and at the end we do a bidding war for people to be able to dunk each of our staff pastors. You’d be surprised how high some of these bids can get!
- Utilize business sponsorships.
Business sponsorships are typically in larger amounts than contributions from individual donors, and they can serve multiple purposes. These funds can be used to make fundraiser events better by allowing you to purchase prizes, decor, or props. They can cover costs (like paying for everyone to eat unlimited wings so it doesn’t count against the student fundraising). They can go towards travel expenses to help drive down event costs. Any leftover funds can be offered to students who have a harder time fundraising. One perk of a church being a non–profit is we can provide businesses with tax donation forms for anything they give. Additionally, engaging these businesses fosters community partnership.
Money should never be the reason a student doesn’t get to experience Jesus in a new way. Fundraising can be daunting for a youth pastor, but it doesn’t have to be!
- Allow fundraisers to be outreach opportunities.
Fundraisers are wonderful opportunities to invite people into church environments. Encourage students to invite their friends and family to come support at fundraising events. Encourage leadership to attend fundraisers to socialize and build new relationships. Find ways to pray at the event, share testimonies, and model the gospel.
- Overpromote!
Utilize every platform you have in promoting your fundraisers. Make them a Facebook event, post them on your organization’s website, post social media stories that students and parents can share, create graphics for church announcements and printed fliers, send emails via your church database, and have fundraising nights where you sit down with your students to help them write and send out support letters. Lastly, never assume a student will fill their guardians in on what is going on. Always individually connect with parents and give them the information directly.
Fundraising does take work and intentionality, but it is so worth it. Instead of focusing on the money, keep the focus on Christ. He will provide in a perfect and timely manner. Philippians 4:19 says, “And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus” (NIV). Plan with intention, but have fun with your students, church, and community as you equip these students for an awesome opportunity to experience Jesus!
About the Author
Aaron and Christine McAndrews
Aaron and Christine McAndrews both grew up in Thurston, Oregon, and love the people there like family. They serve at Waypoint Community Church as youth pastors and volunteer with Young Life. Aaron attended Fuller Theological Seminary for his Master of Divinity, and Christine attended the University of Oregon for her Bachelor of Arts in education. Aaron serves as a US Army Chaplain for the Oregon National Guard, and Christine is an educator in a local elementary school. Both have a heart to serve the youth in their community.
