5 Things
Five New Year’s Resolutions that Impact Others
The first of January provides a valuable opportunity to leave behind an old pattern or habit and begin something new. As I have gotten older, I have recognized the importance of developing healthy disciplines for self-care. I have also deepened my appreciation for developing disciplines that benefit others. As you begin your new year, I encourage you to identify not only new habits that benefit yourself but also ones that benefit those around you. Here are five suggestions:
1. Work at listening better.
It seems those in the world around us are listening less to each other and becoming more forceful in projecting their opinions onto others. What once seemed like a common courtesy, listening, is actually a meaningful ministry and an expression of love to others. The art of listening is intimately connected to our quality of serving and loving people. Make a point this year to expand your listening skills.
2. Cultivate friendships with those who are different than you.
This should not be difficult since everyone is different than us in some way; however, it seems to be human nature to gravitate toward people who share similarities with us. We find safety and security in bonding with those who are part of “our tribe.” While there is nothing wrong with that, we rob ourselves of the richness of God’s created diversity in humanity by not developing relationships with those different than us. Perhaps that means building a relationship with an individual from a different generation or one who has a different political preference or religious practice. Jesus modeled this beautifully and was known as a “friend of sinners” because He invested relationally with those different than Himself.
3. Verbalize your gratitude for your church more often.
This may seem like a “company line” or a little self-serving for me to say, but we live in a society that is hypercritical. Social media is filled with “experts” who have an unquenchable thirst for identifying everything that is wrong with everything. This includes the church. It is tempting to compare our church to other churches we see in the community or online. “I wish our church had this or had that . . . .” It can become easy to get so wrapped up in comparing other churches to our own that we forget what is great about our church. When was the last time you shared with someone what you love about your church? Make a point on a Sunday to strike up a conversation with someone in your foyer or café area by saying, “You know what I love about our church?” Churches get scrutinized all the time. Choose to make a difference and spread good reports about your church this year.
4. Affirm others more often.
This is pretty self-explanatory, but it is worth emphasizing. Affirming people is more than simply clicking the heart icon or thumbs up icon on Facebook. Using meaningful words to speak life and encouragement into others is not a complicated art form. It is simple, and our culture is deeply thirsty for it. Think of a time when someone spoke an affirming word to you. My guess is you are smiling at the thought of how much it meant to you. Guess what? You can provide that meaningful feeling for others. Start with your family members or friends and acknowledge good things you see in them. Imagine how your network of relationships could be affected if you simply took time to affirm and encourage regularly.
5. Disrupt your routine and be creative.
Moving to Florida this summer provided our family the opportunity to disrupt our routines and consider new habits we needed in our new context. We were forced to be creative and try new things. Some were good ideas and some were not. Either way, it was healthy for our family to evaluate our routines. Sometimes we find ourselves in a good routine that may have lost some vibrancy. Routines can give us stability, security, and predictability, all of which can be good. But sometimes we can get stuck in a routine and lose freshness (which is a really valuable thing). Sitting down at the “drawing board” of your relationship with Jesus with a blank sheet of paper and asking the Holy Spirit to creatively give you new direction for a new year can be uncomfortable (because who knows what He’ll say), but it very well could be the best way to begin 2020. One of the best resolutions we could implement is to tear down an old routine and begin a new one that brings fresh passion and creativity.
So before you try the newest diet plan everyone is raving about on Facebook or pick up the same Bible reading plan you have done for years and years, consider these resolutions as a way of shaking up your new year. Not only will you benefit, but those around you should as well.
By Nathan Hagan
Nathan Hagan loves the church and advancing her mission, currently through his role as Open Bible Churches Regional Executive Director in the Southeast Region. He earned his master’s degree in leadership studies from Gonzaga University (GO ZAGS!!). Nathan and his wife, Candi, have been serving in ministry leadership for over 20 years primarily in the areas of discipleship and leadership development, but view their most important ministry to be parenting their three children: Miciah, Caleb, and Noelle. Because life can be crazy, they work hard to have quality times of quietness, meaningful conversations with each other and others, and to regularly enjoy the simplicity of a good cup of coffee and a book.
My husband Josh and I joke that we have a punch card for all the life-threatening scares our children have given us, and that punch card is completely filled.
I want to cash it in for a prize, please.
Yet each life-threatening moment (and let’s be honest, just living) has taught me the imperative of prayer. Sometimes I sense the Lord allowed these events to strengthen my prayer life, teaching me not only the importance of prayer but also methods of praying that have opened my eyes to His power in action.
My prayers of this season are stained with tears, joy, anguish, strangled silence, unstifled cries, and awestruck gratitude.
I could not have survived without my lifeline of constant communication with the Lord of Heaven’s Armies. My prayers of this season are stained with tears, joy, anguish, strangled silence, unstifled cries, and awestruck gratitude.
The following are five things I have learned about prayer, with about a dozen encouragements squeezed in for good measure.
1. The best time to pray is right now.
It’s hard to admit, but I used to be that person who would say they would pray for someone, then forget to actually do it.
Jesus caught hold of me and had a serious talk with my heart, and I have since repented, learning that the best time to pray is right now.
Now, when someone asks me to pray for them, it doesn’t matter what I am doing; I stop, take their hands, and ask if I can pray for them right now. It does not matter if it is in the grocery aisle, in the church hallway on a Sunday morning, as I am rushing to accomplish a task, walking to my car, or watching my daughter’s soccer match. Every time I say I will pray for someone or am asked to say a prayer, that is my Holy Spirit cue to stop and pray RIGHT NOW.
Allow your life to be interruptible for prayer.
2. Invite children and youth to pray for you.
This lesson is brought to you by my three daughters, who have shown me the power of a young person praying. Children and youth do not have less of the Holy Spirit than adults! Being older and more experienced in life does not give me a greater volume of Holy Spirit power.
Children and youth pray with a purity untarnished by life’s cynicism and skepticism.
I see evidence of this in children who feel called to pray over others, teenagers joining hands with adults to pray for bonds to be broken, and youth bowing their heads for freedom and healing.
Children and youth pray with a purity untarnished by life’s cynicism and skepticism.
Seek them out for prayer
3. Practice the Prayer of Examen.
I did not misspell that word. The Prayer of Examen is a rhythm of prayer in which, at the end of your day, you assess your availability to the Spirit with honesty and humility in five ways:
Gratitude: Note the ways you have experienced God’s loving presence today and thank Him.
Ask: Invite the Holy Spirit to provide insight beyond human capacity.
Review: Review the day and moments where God passed right by, unnoticed or ignored.
Repentance: Ask forgiveness for any moments you rejected, ignored, or rebelled against God’s invitation to you.
Renewal: Look ahead to the next twenty-four hours, resolving to respond to the Holy Spirit.
4. Pray Scripture.
There are many moments in counseling others when I have no words for what they need or I am at a loss about how to direct them. In those moments, the Lord reminds me that His Word is a balm. Because His Word does not return void, I take up the sword of truth and use it to bring healing and guidance in ways only He can. I love to pray Scripture over people. Often, I don’t even realize I have Scripture memorized; it just comes out of me as I pray! When you are in your quiet time each day with the Lord and a portion of Scripture speaks to your heart, write it down, memorize it, and wield it in your prayers for others.
5. Pray Creatively.
I am praying right now that the Lord will open your eyes wide to prayer in your every day. May you be available and interruptible, seeing the miraculous because of your obedience.
“O, Lord, hear. O, Lord, forgive. O, Lord, listen and act! For your own sake, do not delay…” (Daniel 9:19 NIV).
*To read more about Melissa’s testimony and how it has driven her to pray, read her related article, The Miracle that is Adelaide.
About the Author
Melissa Stelly serves as the executive pastor at Turning Point Church in Spokane, Washington, alongside her husband, Josh Stelly. She has attended Turning Point for thirty-five years. She is the mother of three daughters, adores camping, hiking, and adventuring, is a voracious reader, and considers Mt. Rainier one of the greatest accomplishments the Lord created. Most days in her free time you will find her curled up with a good book or taking a long walk.
Have your kids ever made plans for you without asking first? Mine have, more than once! But a few years ago, one of those “surprise” plans turned into one of the most meaningful Thanksgivings for our family.
Those moments of laughter around the table and story-sharing carried the quiet presence of Jesus, who promises to be close to the brokenhearted.
Our neighbors, a family of four whom our kids had befriended, had recently lost the matriarch of their family. It was going to be their first holiday season without Mom/Grandma, and our kids insisted we invite them and their grandpa to Thanksgiving dinner.
We sent the invitation and didn’t know what to expect. Weeks passed without a response, and I assumed they had made other plans. Then, just two days before Thanksgiving, a text came through: five more people were coming!
Our table wasn’t perfect. We scrambled to get more groceries to make a few more sides. But the house was full of laughter, stories, and a sense of togetherness that no amount of planning could have created. That experience taught me so much about opening my home and my heart to families who are hurting.
Here are five things I learned:
- 1. Do it scared.
Extending an invitation can feel intimidating! You might worry about saying the wrong thing or overstepping. Ask God to fill you with boldness and do it anyway. I quickly sent a text message before I could second-guess myself or my kids. Even if they don’t accept, your invitation tells them you see them, you remember there loved one, and you care. And most importantly, it shows them God sees them, too. - 2. Focus on connection, not perfection.
Our table was crowded! We pulled in extra chairs from the garage, used mismatched plates, and squeezed elbow-to-elbow. And you know what? Nobody cared. What people remember most isn’t how it looked; it’s how they felt. This family was so grateful to have a new memory of a special holiday meal as they started to figure out what their life without Grandma looked like. Those moments of laughter around the table and story-sharing carried the quiet presence of Jesus, who promises to be close to the brokenhearted. - 3. Acknowledge their loss.
It can feel awkward to bring up the person they’re missing, but silence can make the grief feel heavier. Talk about their loved one. Almost all grieving people I’ve encountered love an opportunity to talk about and remember the person they’ve lost. Ask about their favorite holiday memories. If there’s time, ask ahead of time if there’s a special family recipe you can include with the meal. - 4. Let the invitation be open-handed.
There is a man in our community who is divorced and has difficult relationships with his grown children. He, too, is hurting and spends the holidays alone. For several years now we have invited him to join us, and he always politely declines. However, a small but significant step was taken last year. He accepted an invitation to come over after our meal and pick up a plate of leftovers to take home. We got to chat with him for a while and celebrate after the meal was done. There are many forms of grief, and the last thing we want to do is place pressure on someone in pain. Extending an open-handed invitation without expectation creates space for them to join if and when they are ready. It’s a beautiful reminder of God’s own invitation to us: always open, always patient, always full of grace. - 5. Keep checking in after the holidays.
Grief doesn’t follow a calendar. Sometimes the hardest days come after the big holidays, when everyone else has moved on. Keep inviting, keep texting, keep showing up. Presence in the days and weeks after is just as powerful as during the holiday itself.
That Thanksgiving reminded me that hospitality is less about the table and more about the heart around it. When we create space at our tables for those who are grieving, we’re doing more than sharing a meal. We are sharing the love of God in a tangible way, making room for Holy Spirit to comfort and heal. You don’t need the perfect meal or a Pinterest-worthy home to share the love of Jesus and help someone feel seen. All you need is a willing heart and an open door, and God will do the rest.
About the Author
Katie Thompson is the executive pastor at Desert Streams Church in Southern California, where her husband, Levi, serves as lead pastor. When she’s not pastoring, she’s running her bookkeeping business, leading as CFO at a wellness center, or wrangling kids and backyard chickens. She’s convinced coffee makes everything better, family adventures are non-negotiable, and the beach is one of God’s best ideas.
Recently, at an Alpha leaders’ meeting at our church, someone asked, “What does relevant ministry look like in today’s culture?” I think I decoded that question as “How do we effectively create Christ followers in a way that is relevant for today?” Cultural shifts, digital saturation, and generational expectations have reshaped the ministry landscape. Yet, helping people find and follow Jesus remains our mission. Jesus’ call to “go and make disciples” hasn’t changed—but the environment in which we fulfill that call certainly has.
I would like to share five thoughts on how we can effectively disciple in today’s world, the first two being observations on the state of our culture and the final three being suggestions for how we can minister in relevant ways in this culture.
1. We are being shaped by our culture’s digital fluidity and fluency.
We are living in an age of rapid digital transformation. Platforms change. Trends shift. Everyone has a voice AND everyone is selling you something. The result? People are overwhelmed with content and unsure of what’s even real anymore.
News, opinions, and even personal milestones unfold in real time, framed through algorithms and filtered bias. We’re not just consuming content; we’re being shaped by it. And just when we’ve adapted to one platform (remember Facebook?), a new one arises, demanding more of our time and attention.
Why it matters: Discipleship today must cut through the noise. We can’t just add to the information pile; we must offer something real, relational, and rooted in truth.
2. Despite being more “connected” than ever, people are starving for genuine relationships.
People may be connected and engaged in a myriad of conversations, but they lack authenticity and real community.My adopted daughter, for example, grieved the loss of our dog not by turning to close family or friends but by posting online and receiving brief, surface-level sympathy. She devoured those one-liners, but they didn’t satisfy her deep need for comfort and true compassion.
This is the paradox of the present: constant connection without true community.
Why it matters: Discipleship flourishes in authentic relationships. We must move past content delivery to heart-level engagement.
Yes, I know there is more to observe about today’s culture than these two aspects, but this is a good starting point to start structuring our ministries to multiply Christ followers in our current context. Now let’s look at a few practical ways we can do that.
3. Prioritize relational discipleship.
Digital influence may shape opinions, but it doesn’t form character. What forms a disciple is being seen, known, and challenged in the context of real relationships. Discipleship today needs to happen “eyeball to eyeball.” People are more likely to engage today not by having an expert stand up front and tell them the “answers” but by sitting in a circle, in a transparent and safe environment where they are safe to explore the questions, parse the information, AND where they can be mentored by people who model authentic faith. These mentors need to “do life together” with them so that they can provide consistent care and support.
Jesus modeled this beautifully. He didn’t just teach the crowds; He lived life with His disciples. His method was both invitational (“Come, follow me”) and challenging (“Take up your cross”).
Practical Steps:
• Think small: Build organic small groups that foster vulnerability and trust.
• Pair new believers with mature Christians who are willing to “do life together.”
• Create safe spaces for honest questions and struggles without judgment.
Discipleship isn’t about having all the answers; it’s about walking together toward Jesus.
4. Move from information to transformation.
The reality is that people don’t want or need more information; Google and AI have given us all the information of the ages at our fingertips. But here’s the catch: information alone doesn’t transform lives. True discipleship must bridge the gap between knowing about God and being transformed by Him. This means shifting the focus from merely imparting biblical knowledge to fostering genuine spiritual growth and life change.
Practical Steps:
• Encourage spiritual disciplines like PB & J (Prayer, Bible reading and Journaling/Meditation) into daily rhythms.
• Propose application-oriented questions: What is God saying to me and what am I going to do about it? How will this inform my decisions and change my actions this week?
• Share stories of personal transformation to make faith tangible.
The goal isn’t smarter Christians; it’s surrendered lives.
5. Make discipleship practical and missional.
Discipleship must extend beyond study and conversation. Jesus sent His disciples out. They learned by doing. In today’s world, hands-on faith matters more than ever.
Mission trips, community outreach, and acts of justice and mercy aren’t just good deeds, they’re discipleship labs. I like to say that “Ministry is simply an excuse for discipleship.” It’s in the doing that faith is tested, stretched, and refined.
Practical Steps:
• Involve disciples in regular service projects and real-world ministry.
• Help people discover their gifts and put them to work in their communities, not just inside the walls of the church
• Reflect on service together: What did God show you as you served others?
Missional discipleship reminds us that faith isn’t just personal, it’s participatory
Final Thought: Never forget the role of the Holy Spirit.
Disciple-making is a divine partnership. Strategies, programs, and best practices are helpful, but only God transforms hearts. Prayer must be our starting point and our sustaining power.
Pray for those you lead. Ask the Holy Spirit to guide, convict, and empower. And trust that the seeds you plant, even in today’s challenging soil, are in good hands.
Now is a great time for ministry!
Gary Khan was born on the island of Trinidad in the Caribbean. He moved to America when he was twenty to pursue his education and calling to be a pastor. He met his wife DeLaine at Eugene Bible College (now New Hope Christian College) and upon their graduation, they were married and began working at Desert Streams Church in Santa Clarita, CA. After thirty-two years as a pastor, Gary became an Executive Director of Operations for Marketplace Chaplains. He is the author of devotionals including Reset and Greater and his most recent book, That Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Thought.
