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Blind Faith – Interview with Gary and Joneile Emery
How would you react if you suddenly went blind? In this interview we are talking to Gary Emery, who lost his sight about four months ago, and his wife, Joneile. Gary serves as the regional executive director for Open Bible’s Pacific region. Joneile is an artist and also serves in many facets of regional ministry.
Message: Gary, describe the morning you first lost your sight.
Gary: It really happened in two phases. In 2014 I was doing our regional conference in Spokane. I didn’t understand what was going on at first as I was having difficulty seeing, but my left eye had gone blind during the night. I kind of stumbled through the rest of the conference, got home, and found out that my optic nerve in that eye had died. A specialist told me that one out of five people who experience this type of loss would eventually lose sight in the other eye. After about a year I felt like I had dodged that bullet, but in October of 2019 I was returning from a missions trip to Costa Rica and noticed everything was going dark in the airplane. Within a day I was meeting with the specialist again, and he confirmed the optic nerve in my right eye was gone.
Message: What went through your mind when it first dawned on you that your sight was mostly gone?
Gary: At first it felt as if I would wake up and realize I had experienced a bad dream, but then you realize it is real. Outside a miracle, this is permanent.
It’s been four months now. A couple things help: first, the grace of God and great support from my wife and friends. You realize that although this is the “rest of your life,” you really live only one day . . . and then you live the next day. That old phrase “one day at a time” is really true. I would think, “I don’t know if I can bear this the rest of my life, but I can bear it today.” The second thing is that years ago I learned how our emotions are formed and how to change our emotions. Because of that and by God’s grace, I haven’t gone into a depression hole. If someone had told me years ago this would happen, I think I would have curled up into a fetal position.
Message: What do you mean you can change your emotions?
Gary: Emotions are not created by our circumstances. We get a scary diagnosis or a letter in the mail or we lose our job. We think the event created the emotion, but it is not true. It’s not the event but what we believe at that moment that creates the emotion. So there is the event, and then there is the belief we have about that event, and then there is the emotion. If I have the belief that my life as a blind person is going to be horrible and there are no good times ahead and I have nothing to offer the Kingdom, that’s what creates the depressed emotion. Instead I can face it and say, “This is a hard thing, but I have been through other hard things, and God will be there with us and He will give us opportunities to make a difference for Him in other ways like we haven’t before, and we are going to have a great life!” I have to contend for that. But that belief is what creates the emotion.
Joneile: When this happened, we held each other and made a pact to remember that this has not changed who God is or who we are. We are going to take advantage of the things we like to do. We are going to enjoy life. People go through worse things than this. It is tragic. But if you treat it as “this is going to ruin my life,” then you will miss every good thing that comes from just being alive and being together. We’re not buying that. We are going to cling to each other and cling to the Lord and anticipate all the good things we are going to experience together.
Gary: Outside of a miracle (which we’re praying for) this is it; there is no medical cure. We believe in miracles, but we are not going to wait for one.
Joneile: We also believe that this could be one of the best testimonies ever because Gary’s case has been so documented; his optic nerves are dead. Imagine if the Lord chooses to heal that…!
Message: Joneile, you and Gary are both pretty independent and lead busy lives. How has this situation changed your life? Your relationship?
Joneile: Gary and I were best friends before we felt romantic about each other and got married. He’s the person I would most rather spend time with than anyone on the planet. The good thing is that this has thrust us together; we are more of a team. Of course, there’s a downside. He can’t drive. There are inconveniences that come with that. But I’m less ambitious at this age about chasing every opportunity and more excited about being home with our routine.
And he has family. I could call his sister who lives in California, and she would gladly come up for a week. Lots of friends, lots of men pastors would love to spend time with him. I don’t feel boxed in.
Gary: I don’t know what people would do if they had a bad marriage and something like this would happen.
Joneile (laughing): It’s a good thing we like each other.
Message: Gary, how do you cope with what I would think must be an increased sense of dependence?
It’s been four months now. A couple things help: first, the grace of God and great support from my wife and friends. You realize that although this is the “rest of your life,” you really live only one day . . . and then you live the next day. That old phrase “one day at a time” is really true. I would think, “I don’t know if I can bear this the rest of my life, but I can bear it today.”
Gary: It’s hard because I have run at a fast pace my entire life. I multitask pretty well. One thing in addition to the dependence factor is that my pace just has to be slower because I do need other people to do certain things for me. Even just walking through a room . . . if I walk too fast, I will trip over something. That’s frustrating. You try to do as many things for yourself as you can, and every day gets a little better. Early on I would try to help with dishes or brew coffee and would drop something or spill something and end up making a bigger mess. But you have to keep trying. You have to keep making messes if you’re going to get on the other side of this. There are some things I can’t do at all, but I’m trying every day to do one new thing.
Joneile: The Oregon Commission for the Blind has assigned him two trainers. One is a mobility coach that helps him with things like getting up the stairs to go work out and walking with a cane. But training comes one piece at a time and you still must live your life, so he’s in the midst of it. I would guess it will take a year before he becomes proficient. The other coach they assigned him is a technology coach. He is training him how to navigate with an iPhone. Every iPhone has “VoiceOver” technology, so if you can’t see the screen, you can still operate the phone. However, it is very complicated.
At work his staff has helped so much. It’s hard for him because if one of us at the office is helping him, he knows we aren’t getting our other stuff done.
Message: Joneile, have these circumstances changed your sense of security, and if so, how?
Joneile: I depended on Gary to kill spiders and get up in the night when I heard a sound. Just last night the security system alarm at the office went off, and we got dressed and went to check on it. We are willing ourselves to trust God and not be afraid.
Gary can talk me through a lot of things he would have done. But there is a whole rack of stuff you don’t realize your husband does, like when we travel. So we get the rental car and guess who’s driving downtown everywhere – all over L.A. and other places I’ve never been? It’s me! I’ve had to pull up my courage a bit, and I’ve had to say to the Lord, “Cover us.” We do get through it, but it does feel a little weird.
The reality is, our husbands can only protect us to a point. There are few things in life you really have control over. We’ll do the best we can and trust God for what is deficient. We do have people around us. Our nephew lives in an apartment under our house and our son is near us.
Message: It’s fun to see people who have been together as partners and see how their relationship grows even stronger through something like this.
Joneile: I think when people see a Christian suffer, someone who loves God and is committed to Him, there is a beauty to that. It’s hard for people to look away from it. It’s counterintuitive that you thank God for every day even though it’s so altered. When we apprehend everything we’ve ever taught about what the Bible says, about who God is and how we serve Him, that this is the short life and we are servants of another kingdom, we can trust that God brings joy in that. People that know God know that He died to give us peace, joy – to fill our lives with what it means to be near Him and how good that is – and that is enough. We in America don’t know what’s it’s like to be stripped of stuff, but when you are stripped of things that are crucial to you, He is still enough, and more than enough. That is a testimony that nobody can take away.
Gary: We would love to have a miracle. But our faith isn’t in that. Our faith isn’t in getting what we want. That’s a shallow, thin, and misdirected faith. Our faith is in the Lord. The three Hebrew children said, “Our God is able to deliver us from this fire, but even if He does not . . . we’re not bowing down to you.” That’s faith in God irrespective of results. We don’t want to have “results faith” but “regardless faith.”
Message: Gary, you said that asking the “why” questions doesn’t help. Could you unpack that a bit?
Gary: The why questions are going to come, usually for me in the middle of the night or early in the morning. Here’s the thing with asking why: Those answers are not things that you can apprehend or pry out of something . . . and when you try to do it you will probably end up with the wrong answer. Instead, what we are trying to do is focus on the “what.” God, what do we do now? There is plenty we need to deal with right now, so we say, “What do we need to do in this moment?” That’s enough. If I need to know why, I will know. There could be mysteries we will never know.
Joneile: There is mystery in suffering. Some of the why questions will be answered on this side, but most won’t. We can concoct answers, but then can be like Job’s comforters.
Gary: Knowing the answer to a why question doesn’t get you anywhere anyway. So what if we know why. You still have to move through your day and figure out how to do life.
Message: Gary, we know your faith, your sense of humor, and your amazing wife and colleagues have been a huge help to you. What could the average person you encounter do to help you?
Gary: The greatest value of using my cane is that it says to people around me, “This guy can’t see.” I’ll be moving through an airport and people will see me struggling to find something and come up and say, “May I help you?” Just ask first. My mobility coach told me a story of being in San Jose. He needed to cross the street and some guy who spoke a different language grabbed him by the back of the shirt. The guy then semi-dragged my poor coach across the street all the time speaking a different language. My coach couldn’t help but wonder if he was being kidnapped! Simply ask if you can help. People are extraordinarily kind.
The why questions are going to come, usually for me in the middle of the night or early in the morning. Here’s the thing with asking why: Those answers are not things that you can apprehend or pry out of something . . . and when you try to do it you will probably end up with the wrong answer. Instead, what we are trying to do is focus on the “what.” God, what do we do now? There is plenty we need to deal with right now, so we say, “What do we need to do in this moment?” That’s enough. If I need to know why, I will know. There could be mysteries we will never know.
Joneile: We try to keep a sense of humor about all the crazy things that happen instead of being angry or sensitive. We laugh about stuff. When people realize we are relaxed about it, they are happy to help.
Message: Joneile, how can people help you?
Joneile: By encouraging me to enjoy life and to take breaks when I need to. I’m meeting a friend today for coffee. She carries a huge load in her ministry, and she is one of the people that makes me laugh. We are going to a junk shop that’s owned by a friend of hers, and we will drink some really good coffee together. Having normal things going on that are part of our lives keep me going. I come back with a clear head, excited about life again. Don’t assume that we don’t have time for “those things” anymore.
Message: There are people reading this that have just received life-altering news. What would you tell them?
Joneile: Don’t isolate yourself. Continue to enrich yourself in the relationships God has put around you – good friends, a good church, and good family. Draw close to them. Be honest with your feelings. So, if you’re having a bad day be honest about that. Even with a good outlook and trusting God, like Gary says, we have to contend for that. There are days we don’t feel on top of things and we feel like everything’s too much. Be honest about that. That lets everyone in and allows them to be part of your life as they always have been and allows you to not feel alone.
Gary: You need to ask yourself, “At a gut level, what is it I really believe?” What do you believe in this moment about your life, your future, about God, about who you are? Second, in blindness there is disorientation; there are challenges to your balance. [In life] you can lose perspective as well. You feel as if you’re in a hole, as if your compass is off. So if you feel like you are in a hole and can’t find your way out or you are disoriented, go to a specialist or some type of Christian counselor or therapist. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
Joneile: Those moments can be temporary if you ask for help.
Anything that is life-altering begs the questions: What is the quality of my own life? How can I still appreciate the things that are important to me, that are my goals? You have to inventory what is truly important to you. Maybe decorating your house is not as important as you thought it was. Maybe now you are more for comfort. Reassess what’s truly important. Invest in that. Drink from the blessings of knowing the Lord and having people you love. Draw deeper from the well.
Gary: We are so thankful for our Open Bible family. We have received words of encouragement from people all over the country and even in some of the other countries we’ve worked in. It’s wonderful to have that kind of support.
Gary Emery serves as Open Bible’s Pacific Regional Executive Director. Joneile Emery is an artist and also serves in many facets of regional ministry. Gary and Joneile have been married for 40 years and have two sons, a wonderful daughter-in-law, and three beautiful grandkids.
Gary Emery recently interviewed with President Randall Bach. click here to listen to the interview.
Church planting isn’t for the faint of heart. All church plants require faith, but it takes a special kind of crazy to “parachute plant,” where church planters “parachute” into a new place, starting from nothing with few resources or contacts. After seven years of pouring our hearts and souls into CityLife Church, a parachute church plant in Wilmington, North Carolina, my husband Mike and I were pretty certain God was calling us to do something different. We genuinely believed God was calling us into missions. In hindsight, I guess He was – just not in the way we pictured it.
This time, our “yes” led us into what was at that time the murder capital of America.
Neither one of us had a desire to plant another church, but the thought of doing something new was exciting to us. So, towards the end of our tenure at CityLife, we let the stirring of something new brew within us even though we had no idea what was coming.
During this season, a couple of things happened that God used to speak to our hearts. The Vanartsdalens, close friends of ours at CityLife, came to us with the news that they were moving to help plant another church within Open Bible (read more about their story HERE). As we celebrated what God was doing with our friends, it reignited a feeling within us that we had forgotten. (Never underestimate how your “yes” might affect someone else’s!) That feeling was the excitement and spiritual rush that comes with church planting. Neither Mike nor I expected to feel this again, and we were surprised to find the desire in our hearts to plant another church.
Everything changed after a conversation with our Open Bible Regional Director, Nathan Hagan. When we shared our initial desire with him, he began to brainstorm some different options for us to consider. One idea jumped out to both of us: “If you guys were interested in planting another church in the region, maybe it could be someplace like New Orleans.” Nathan mentioned other places, but the only one we remembered is the one that stuck to our hearts like glue. New Orleans: the word was spoken, and the Spirit responded!
Mike and I decided early on in our marriage that whatever God called us to do, we would say yes. This time, our “yes” led us into what was at that time the murder capital of America: New Orleans, Louisiana. It is extremely hard to uproot your family and your life and move hundreds of miles away to a place where there are no family, friends, or security. Despite these challenges, we sold many of our possessions, took what we could in a truck and trailer, and headed off into the unknown!
As soon as we put boots on the ground, we quickly realized that this city, this plant, and this call would be different from anything we had ever done. Almost immediately after moving, we were met with a triple homicide four houses down from ours, I was violently robbed at gunpoint, and our kids had a gun pulled on them while playing outside in our neighborhood. We faced circumstances that most people assumed we would run from, but when you know the Lord has called you to a land, you must trust that He will protect and prosper you in that land. Suffering is part of the calling; if we aren’t willing to suffer for the calling, we won’t partake of its full blessing. “But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed” (1 Peter 4:13).
To rewind just a bit, when we knew for sure that we were moving, Mike sat our kids down and had them help compile a dream/prayer list of people we’d love to have on our team. Some on the list were Spirit-led, some were hopefuls, but all of them were people we thought might be crazy enough to consider moving with us!
Back before we’d moved to North Carolina for our first church plant, we had told our friends Greg and Tina that we felt they were supposed to come with us. I think Greg laughed at Mike when we first shared this, but they are now the pastors at CityLife! In similar fashion, we had another friend couple in Ohio that we video chatted with as we prepared to plant in New Orleans. We shared the news of where we were moving then asked them to pray about joining us. They agreed to pray, but I’m certain they thought we were crazy!
We faced circumstances that most people assumed we would run from, but when you know the Lord has called you to a land, you must trust that He will protect and prosper you in that land.
It’s amazing to see how God works in lives, stirring people’s hearts to be part of things that take an incredible amount of faith. Here we are two years later, and Pastor Eric and Lindsay Baker are in New Orleans with us putting their hands to the plow! They moved from a one-light farm town to one of the wildest cities in the world. They and their seven kids gave their “yes” to the Lord, leaving everything they had ever known. They have had their car stolen twice, and yet here they remain. In addition to the Bakers, God sent us another person from our dream list without us even having to ask; Mike’s mom, Lynne, joined the team and lives right next door to us now!
Fast forward to present day: we are so excited to see what God is doing at OHR City Church! “Ohr” is the Hebrew word for “light,” and it also means “to bring order amid chaos” (so fitting for this city!). Almost nothing has gone how we thought it would here, yet we believe everything is going exactly how God designed it.
We are currently meeting every Sunday night in our house where we eat, worship, dream, pray, and study the word of God together. While the adults meet in our house, the kids go to Momma Lynne’s house next door! Our team is growing, and we are all becoming a family. None of us knows exactly where the Lord is taking us yet, but everyone is on board to find out!
If you feel God calling you to something, I encourage you to step out in faith and give God your “yes”!
*Want to read more from Mike and Cala Dickey? Read their related article: Five Ways to Support Church Planting
About the Author
Cala Dickey
Mike and Cala Dickey are the lead pastors at the Southeast Region of Open Bible’s newest church plant, OHR City Church, in New Orleans, Louisiana. Before heading down to the bayou, Mike and Cala planted CityLife Church in Wilmington, North Carolina. They are passionate about pioneering and planting churches in areas that desperately need Jesus. The Dickey family is excited for what God is doing through OHR City Church in New Orleans! To learn more, visit Ohrcc.com.
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Un «Sí» costoso: Plantar una iglesia en la capital del asesinato en Estados Unidos
La plantación de iglesias no es tarea fácil. Toda plantación de iglesias requiere fe, pero la «plantación en paracaídas», en la que los plantadores «saltan en paracaídas» a un lugar nuevo, partiendo de la nada y con pocos recursos o contactos, requiere un tipo especial de locura. Después de siete años de derramar nuestros corazones y almas en CityLife Church, una iglesia plantada en paracaídas en Wilmington, Carolina del Norte, mi esposo Mike y yo estábamos convencidos de que Dios nos estaba llamando a hacer algo diferente. Honestamente, creíamos que nos llamaba a las misiones. En retrospectiva, creo que lo estaba haciendo, sólo que no de la manera en que lo imaginábamos.
Esta vez, nuestro «sí» nos llevó a lo que en ese momento era la capital del asesinato de los Estados Unidos
Ninguno de los dos deseaba plantar otra iglesia, pero la idea de hacer algo nuevo nos entusiasmaba. Así que, casi al final de nuestro período en CityLife, dejamos que la emoción de algo nuevo se gestara dentro de nosotros, aunque no teníamos ni idea de lo que se avecinaba.
Durante ese tiempo, sucedieron un par de cosas que Dios usó para hablar a nuestros corazones. La familia Vanartsdalen, amigos cercanos de CityLife, nos comunicaron que se mudarían para ayudar a plantar otra iglesia con la Biblia Abierta (lea más sobre su historia aquí). Mientras celebrábamos lo que Dios estaba haciendo con nuestros amigos, se reavivó dentro de nosotros un sentimiento que habíamos olvidado. (¡Nunca subestimes cómo tu «sí» puede afectar al de otra persona!). Esa sensación era la emoción y la urgencia espiritual que viene con la plantación de iglesias. Ni Mike ni yo esperábamos volver a sentir esto, y nos sorprendió descubrir el deseo en nuestros corazones de plantar otra iglesia.
Después de una conversación con nuestro director regional de la Biblia Abierta, Nathan Hagan, todo cambió. Cuando le contamos nuestro deseo inicial, comenzó a pensar en algunas opciones diferentes para que las consideráramos. A ambos nos sorprendió esta idea: «Si ustedes estuvieran interesados en plantar otra iglesia en la región, tal vez podría ser en algún lugar como Nueva Orleans». Aunque Nathan mencionó otros lugares, el único que recordamos es el que se nos clavó enseguida en el corazón. Nueva Orleans: ¡se pronunció la palabra, y el Espíritu respondió!
Desde el comienzo de nuestro matrimonio, Mike y yo decidimos que diríamos «sí» a cualquier cosa que Dios nos llamara a hacer. Esta vez, nuestro «sí» nos llevó a lo que en ese momento era la capital del asesinato de los Estados Unidos: Nueva Orleans, Luisiana. Resulta sumamente difícil desarraigar a tu familia y tu vida, mudarte a cientos de kilómetros de distancia a un lugar donde no hay familia, amigos ni seguridad. A pesar de estos retos, decidimos vender muchas de nuestras pertenencias, cargamos lo que pudimos en un camión y un remolque, ¡y partimos hacia lo desconocido!
Tan pronto como comenzamos a trabajar, nos dimos cuenta de que esta ciudad, esta plantación y este llamado serían diferentes de todo lo que habíamos hecho hasta entonces. Casi inmediatamente después de mudarnos, nos enfrentamos con un triple homicidio a cuatro casas de la nuestra, me asaltaron violentamente a mano armada y apuntaron a nuestros hijos con un revólver mientras jugaban al aire libre en nuestro barrio. Tuvimos que hacer frente a circunstancias de las que la mayoría de la gente supondría que huiríamos, pero cuando sabes que el Señor te ha llamado a una tierra, tienes que confiar en que te protegerá y te hará prosperar en ella. El sufrimiento es parte del llamado; si no estamos dispuestos a sufrir por el llamado, no participaremos de toda su bendición. «En cambio, alégrense mucho, porque estas pruebas los hacen ser partícipes con Cristo de su sufrimiento, para que tengan la inmensa alegría de ver su gloria cuando sea revelada a todo el mundo.» (1 Pedro 4:13, NTV).
Volvamos atrás, cuando supimos definitivamente que nos íbamos a mudar, Mike se sentó con nuestros hijos y les pidió que le ayudaran a elaborar una lista de oración de las personas que «soñábamos» que formaran parte de nuestro equipo. Algunos de los nombres en la lista fueron guiados por el Espíritu, otros eran candidatos, pero todos eran personas que pensamos que podrían estar lo suficientemente locas como para considerar mudarse con nosotros.
Antes de mudarnos a Carolina del Norte para plantar nuestra primera iglesia, les habíamos dicho a nuestros amigos Greg y Tina que sentíamos que ellos debían ir con nosotros. Creo que Greg se rio de Mike cuando compartimos esto por primera vez, ¡pero ahora son los pastores de CityLife! De forma similar, teníamos otra pareja amiga en Ohio con la que nos comunicábamos por videochat mientras nos preparábamos para plantar la iglesia en Nueva Orleans. Les contamos que nos íbamos a mudar y les pedimos que consideraran orar para unirse a nosotros. Estuvieron de acuerdo en orar, ¡pero estoy seguro de que pensaron que estábamos locos!
Tuvimos que hacer frente a circunstancias de las que la mayoría de la gente supondría que huiríamos, pero cuando sabes que el Señor te ha llamado a una tierra, tienes que confiar en que te protegerá y te hará prosperar en ella.
Es asombroso ver cómo Dios trabaja en las vidas de las personas, moviendo sus corazones para ser parte de algo que requiere una cantidad increíble de fe. Ya han pasado dos años, y el pastor Eric y Lindsay Baker están en Nueva Orleans con nosotros poniendo sus manos en el arado. Se mudaron de un pueblo pequeño a una de las ciudades más desenfrenadas del mundo. Ellos y sus siete hijos dieron su «sí» al Señor, dejando todo lo que habían conocido. En dos ocasiones les han robado el vehículo y, sin embargo, aquí siguen. Además de los Baker, Dios nos envió a otra persona que estaba en nuestra lista de sueños/oración sin que ni siquiera tuviéramos que pedírselo; la madre de Mike, Lynne, se unió al equipo y ¡ahora vive justo al lado de nosotros!
Ahora, estamos muy emocionados de ver lo que Dios está haciendo en OHR City Church. «Ohr» es la palabra hebrea para «luz», y también significa «poner orden en medio del caos» (¡tan apropiado para esta ciudad!). Aunque casi nada ha salido como pensábamos, creemos que todo está saliendo exactamente como Dios lo diseñó.
En la actualidad nos reunimos todos los domingos por la noche en nuestra casa donde comemos, adoramos, soñamos, oramos y estudiamos juntos la Palabra de Dios. ¡Mientras que los adultos se reúnen en nuestra casa, los niños van a la casa de Mamá Lynne al lado! Nuestro equipo está creciendo, y todos nos estamos convirtiendo en una familia. Ninguno de nosotros sabe exactamente a dónde nos ha de llevar el Señor, ¡pero todos estamos dispuestos a descubrirlo!
¡Si sientes que Dios te está llamando a emprender algo, te animo a que des un paso de fe y le des tu «sí» a Dios!
Sobre la Autora
Cala Dickey
Mike y Cala Dickey son los pastores principales de la más reciente iglesia plantada por la Región Sureste de la Biblia Abierta, OHR City Church, en Nueva Orleans, Luisiana. Antes de ir al bayou, Mike y Cala plantaron CityLife Church en Wilmington, Carolina del Norte. Les apasiona ser pioneros y plantar iglesias en áreas que necesitan desesperadamente a Jesús. ¡La familia Dickey está emocionada por lo que Dios está haciendo a través de OHR City Church en Nueva Orleans! Para más información, visite Ohrcc.com.
In 2017, my husband Dyecol and I were asked to be the interim pastors of Word of Life Open Bible Church in Lehigh Acres, Florida. Little did we know that our two weeks as interim pastors would turn into seven years and counting. After accepting the call to be the permanent pastors, we moved to Lehigh in September, right after Hurricane Ivan had hit. There was no electricity in the city, and it felt like we were moving into darkness and chaos. I didn’t realize we were also moving into the rest of our lives.
Dyecol and I had never had children together. Shortly after our move to Lehigh, we saw a billboard for an adoption agency. Dyecol went to the agency’s office for more information, and it wasn’t long before we were taking a class on adoption. The instructor of the class emphasized how much greater our chances would be to adopt through fostering, and pretty soon we got our first call to foster a three-year-old girl named Isabella. I will never forget seeing that scared little girl walk through our doorway. I scooped her up in my arms, she laid her head on my shoulder, and my future was sealed.
We’d had Isabella for only a month when we got a call for a second little girl, Maria. Maria’s sister Ruby would join her a few months later, and not long after Ruby, we got a call for a fourth child, our first newborn. This baby was only six days old and had been born addicted to drugs. We were told her parents didn’t want her, and we became excited that this baby might become ours. We attached, weaned her off drugs, and she began to thrive. It was then that her biological father decided that he wanted her. As difficult as this was, it was further complicated by the fact that our hopes of adopting the other girls fell through around the same time. We were shattered. This taste of parenthood had convinced me that I wanted to be a mom again, but fostering was too difficult. I told myself, “Never ever again!” Until I got the next call.
Sometimes God walks you through a process of loss and then He dumps blessing on you when you least expect it.
“Ms. Walker, I have a little girl for you….”
“I don’t know, we’re taking a break.”
“Ms. Walker, I’m telling you, you’re going to want this little girl.”
(Deep Breath.) “Okay.”
Our case worker brought over this ten-year-old little girl with big old grandma glasses, fuzzy hair, and the cutest smile. That little girl walked into our lives, and she has changed us forever. Her name is Anna-Tae Walker, and she became our first adopted daughter. Two months later, we were introduced to our daughter Heavenly. We loved her from the moment we saw her. Sometimes you just know. I said to my husband, “She’s not leaving.” True to my word, Heavenly AND her brother Joshua became ours through adoption.
Sometimes God walks you through a process of loss and then He dumps blessing on you when you least expect it. I didn’t understand why we couldn’t have the first little girls we tried to adopt, but God said no. He knew who our kids were.
Despite my having three adopted children, I continued to take new placements. My first experiences fostering almost broke me, but as I continued to say “yes” to each new child, God reinforced my heart with His strength. Instead of shrinking with each loss, my heart grows bigger as I watch family reunifications. God has gifted me with the capacity to love and to lose.
One night as I was lying on my bed, the Lord gave me a word: “Walker’s House of Hope.” I told my husband, “This is what we’re going to name the house where we raise the children God brings to us.” We started praying, “Lord, if you give us a bigger house we will take more children.” At that time, we had seven children in a three-bedroom house. It wasn’t long before the Lord provided us with a four-bedroom house.
God has gifted me with the capacity to love and to lose.
I got the call almost immediately: “Ms. Walker, we have a sibling group of three.”
“You know I have seven children, right?”
“Yes, Ms. Walker, but you were born for this.”
Immediately the voice of the Lord came to me, reminding me of my prayer. He had given me a bigger house; I was obligated to fulfill my promise. So, we ran out and bought another bunk bed.
Today, we have ten children: three adopted and seven fostered. Every day after school, I hear ten voices at once, beautiful chaos. Each time I say aloud, “I have ten children,” I can’t believe it – not because it’s too much, but because it feels comfortable. When I dream about the future, I see myself with even more children, running around a big property and coming in to eat dinner around our huge kitchen table. I have found my calling, and I am believing for God to gift us with the house that’s as big as my heart.
I had a sign made that hangs in our current home: “Walker’s House of Hope.” When I look at it, I say to God, “This is not it. But this is it for now.”
Seven years ago, we moved to a city that was in chaos and darkness. Today, we live in a home of chaos and light. And as I look around my busy kitchen table, I have never been more excited about the rest of my life.
About the Author
Taneasha Walker
Taneasha Walker is currently co-pastoring Word of Life Open Bible Church in Lehigh Acres, Florida, with her husband Dyecol. She serves on the Southeast Regional Board as an At- Large member. Taneasha has gained experience in every area of ministry, using this knowledge to effectively care for the local church body as well as the children that have been entrusted to her. She is passionate about prayer, utilizing it in every endeavor. In her free time, Taneasha’s hobbies include reading, singing, and traveling.
