5 Things
Five Ways to Prepare to Respond Well in High Emotion Situations
By Ryan Weldon
My first experience with a “lose-lose” decision was in 2020 when local districts were considering a return to school in the fall. Being a member of the local school board meant that six other board members and I would be making the decision about if and/or how over 13,000 students and staff members could be kept safe at school in the middle of a pandemic. Our school board meetings suddenly became the popular streaming choice on Monday nights, and we received emails and phone calls from the community representing all possible perspectives with extremely passionate opinions.
Our board held many long meetings debating the myriad considerations, and our community became very divided. One reason for returning to school was being used as the same reason against returning to school, hence the term “lose-lose.” No decision was going to result in a positive outcome for anyone.
I found myself in the minority opinion among my fellow board members, and I received public ridicule on social media from members of the community for my stance. It wouldn’t have been as personal if people simply disagreed with my opinion. Instead, my intelligence was in question because of my identity as a Christian. Was I angry? Yes. Was I frustrated? Extremely. But in a situation where my public conduct would reflect the character of the God whom I claimed to follow, lashing out in an emotional rage wasn’t the wise thing to do.
I had to decide that instead of letting my ego and emotions get the best of me, it was more important to lead by reflecting the image of Christ, to prioritize relationships above the urge to be right, and to influence in a way that was counterintuitive to my human nature.
We will all find ourselves in a situation where we can build or burn a bridge. In many cases the hard choice, but the best choice, will be to choose the relationship over the situation. Don’t wait until that moment to find out how you’ll respond. Here are five ways to prepare to respond well in high emotion situations:
READ THE INSTRUCTION MANUAL
Jesus gave us very specific instructions for how to treat others. In John 13:34 He said to love each other as He loved us. What does love mean? 1 Corinthians 13:4-5 (NLT) says, “Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.” Responding this way is not easy, but Jesus is very clear. Regardless of the situation or how the other people involved are reacting, our task as followers of Christ is to respond in love. That might mean you need to take some time to process and let your emotions calm down, but that’s much better than lashing out and regretting your response later.
KNOW YOUR BUTTONS
Because other people do. Just because you want to respond well doesn’t mean the person you’re with in the situation does. It may be their goal to get you to fly off the handle. As followers of Jesus, how we respond isn’t determined by how we’re treated. Does that mean we’re doormats for people to walk all over? No. There is a way to take a stance and remain respectful, but you won’t have a chance to respond that way if you lash out uncontrollably because someone knows what buttons to push to make you angry, impatient, or frustrated.
Start paying attention to what makes your heart race. Reach out to someone you trust and ask for their help in determining when you’re most likely to respond in an out-of-control manner. It’s better to know now because it’s almost impossible to be in control if you are not prepared.
CHECK YOUR EGO
Your ego is like that show you wouldn’t want people to know you watch. Secretly, we want to be recognized for what we’re good at; we want to be appreciated for the things we do; we want to stand strong on principle. There’s nothing wrong with having an ego; there is something wrong with letting your ego control you.
This past year brought to light many situations and opinions that the Christian community decided we should fight about in front of the world. John 13:35 says, “Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.” Every day you could open a social media app and watch as Christians lashed out at each other for the sake of having the right opinion. Other than ego, what purpose does that serve? Does God need us to defend Him?
Similarly, in an environment where you’re debating important issues with anyone, your stance, opinion, or response should be given with patience, peace, and understanding. Driven by ego, we will only drive others away.
DECIDE EVERYONE IS WORTH LISTENING TO
Sometimes I tend to discredit others who have a different perspective than I do and tune them out. It’s not something I’m proud of, but it is something I need to be aware of. In a situation where emotions are running high, one of the best things you can do to stay in the moment is to really focus on what is being said regardless of who’s saying it. If you selectively tune out one person’s perspective or get lost in your own thoughts, you’ll miss out on what could be a unifying thought or opinion.
I’ve learned that my ability to tell the future is not so great. The actual manifestation of a fake conversation I’ve had in my head between me and another person has rarely happened the way I scripted it. By assuming that person won’t have anything good to say because of something they said or did in the past, I’m projecting a false future for them. That’s not only unfair, it’s highly disrespectful. Actively listening, taking notes, and pausing to ask clarifying questions are secrets to remaining in a state of curiosity and responding confidently.
RESPOND WITH RESPECT
It’s very easy to yell at someone who is yelling at you or to respond sarcastically when you’re being pandered to. And there’s nothing better than that mic drop moment when you completely silence the opposing argument. But we’re not held accountable for how good we make ourselves feel. As Christians we answer to a higher authority who we believe created us all as His sons and daughters.
We are no better than anyone; we are equals. When discussing a topic you’re passionate about, talking down to the other person, acting rude, or being offensive are not options. That is not how we are called to treat others regardless of their argument against us. Responding respectfully means looking the other person in the eye, not interrupting them, being polite, and not embarrassing them even if they’re wrong. It’s the right thing to do, and it will go a long way in showing who you are under pressure.
If you want to have influence over the course of your life, playing the long game is a smart strategy. Everyone you “spar with” knows someone you may connect with in your future; your reputation will precede you. Being a person who can stay cool in the most difficult situations is a badge you can proudly wear in any context you find yourself in. But it’s more than that.
Matthew 5:43-48 tells us why: “You have heard the law that says, ‘Love your neighbor’ and hate your enemy. But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike. If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that much. If you are kind only to your friends, how are you different from anyone else? Even pagans do that. But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect.”
We are set apart to be different from this world, and we need to act like it. Nobody said it would be easy, but it will be worth it!
About the Author
Ryan Weldon currently works bi-vocationally as the Church Operations and Organizational Leadership Pastor at Journey Church in Urbandale, Iowa, and a Client Communication and Education Strategist for a local digital marketing and website development agency. Ryan also serves as an elected member of his local school board and holds a Bachelor’s Degree in Christian Leadership and Management from Liberty University. He and his wife have been married for sixteen years and enjoy raising their four young children ages nine, five, four, and one.
My husband Josh and I joke that we have a punch card for all the life-threatening scares our children have given us, and that punch card is completely filled.
I want to cash it in for a prize, please.
Yet each life-threatening moment (and let’s be honest, just living) has taught me the imperative of prayer. Sometimes I sense the Lord allowed these events to strengthen my prayer life, teaching me not only the importance of prayer but also methods of praying that have opened my eyes to His power in action.
My prayers of this season are stained with tears, joy, anguish, strangled silence, unstifled cries, and awestruck gratitude.
I could not have survived without my lifeline of constant communication with the Lord of Heaven’s Armies. My prayers of this season are stained with tears, joy, anguish, strangled silence, unstifled cries, and awestruck gratitude.
The following are five things I have learned about prayer, with about a dozen encouragements squeezed in for good measure.
1. The best time to pray is right now.
It’s hard to admit, but I used to be that person who would say they would pray for someone, then forget to actually do it.
Jesus caught hold of me and had a serious talk with my heart, and I have since repented, learning that the best time to pray is right now.
Now, when someone asks me to pray for them, it doesn’t matter what I am doing; I stop, take their hands, and ask if I can pray for them right now. It does not matter if it is in the grocery aisle, in the church hallway on a Sunday morning, as I am rushing to accomplish a task, walking to my car, or watching my daughter’s soccer match. Every time I say I will pray for someone or am asked to say a prayer, that is my Holy Spirit cue to stop and pray RIGHT NOW.
Allow your life to be interruptible for prayer.
2. Invite children and youth to pray for you.
This lesson is brought to you by my three daughters, who have shown me the power of a young person praying. Children and youth do not have less of the Holy Spirit than adults! Being older and more experienced in life does not give me a greater volume of Holy Spirit power.
Children and youth pray with a purity untarnished by life’s cynicism and skepticism.
I see evidence of this in children who feel called to pray over others, teenagers joining hands with adults to pray for bonds to be broken, and youth bowing their heads for freedom and healing.
Children and youth pray with a purity untarnished by life’s cynicism and skepticism.
Seek them out for prayer
3. Practice the Prayer of Examen.
I did not misspell that word. The Prayer of Examen is a rhythm of prayer in which, at the end of your day, you assess your availability to the Spirit with honesty and humility in five ways:
Gratitude: Note the ways you have experienced God’s loving presence today and thank Him.
Ask: Invite the Holy Spirit to provide insight beyond human capacity.
Review: Review the day and moments where God passed right by, unnoticed or ignored.
Repentance: Ask forgiveness for any moments you rejected, ignored, or rebelled against God’s invitation to you.
Renewal: Look ahead to the next twenty-four hours, resolving to respond to the Holy Spirit.
4. Pray Scripture.
There are many moments in counseling others when I have no words for what they need or I am at a loss about how to direct them. In those moments, the Lord reminds me that His Word is a balm. Because His Word does not return void, I take up the sword of truth and use it to bring healing and guidance in ways only He can. I love to pray Scripture over people. Often, I don’t even realize I have Scripture memorized; it just comes out of me as I pray! When you are in your quiet time each day with the Lord and a portion of Scripture speaks to your heart, write it down, memorize it, and wield it in your prayers for others.
5. Pray Creatively.
I am praying right now that the Lord will open your eyes wide to prayer in your every day. May you be available and interruptible, seeing the miraculous because of your obedience.
“O, Lord, hear. O, Lord, forgive. O, Lord, listen and act! For your own sake, do not delay…” (Daniel 9:19 NIV).
*To read more about Melissa’s testimony and how it has driven her to pray, read her related article, The Miracle that is Adelaide.
About the Author
Melissa Stelly serves as the executive pastor at Turning Point Church in Spokane, Washington, alongside her husband, Josh Stelly. She has attended Turning Point for thirty-five years. She is the mother of three daughters, adores camping, hiking, and adventuring, is a voracious reader, and considers Mt. Rainier one of the greatest accomplishments the Lord created. Most days in her free time you will find her curled up with a good book or taking a long walk.
Have your kids ever made plans for you without asking first? Mine have, more than once! But a few years ago, one of those “surprise” plans turned into one of the most meaningful Thanksgivings for our family.
Those moments of laughter around the table and story-sharing carried the quiet presence of Jesus, who promises to be close to the brokenhearted.
Our neighbors, a family of four whom our kids had befriended, had recently lost the matriarch of their family. It was going to be their first holiday season without Mom/Grandma, and our kids insisted we invite them and their grandpa to Thanksgiving dinner.
We sent the invitation and didn’t know what to expect. Weeks passed without a response, and I assumed they had made other plans. Then, just two days before Thanksgiving, a text came through: five more people were coming!
Our table wasn’t perfect. We scrambled to get more groceries to make a few more sides. But the house was full of laughter, stories, and a sense of togetherness that no amount of planning could have created. That experience taught me so much about opening my home and my heart to families who are hurting.
Here are five things I learned:
- 1. Do it scared.
Extending an invitation can feel intimidating! You might worry about saying the wrong thing or overstepping. Ask God to fill you with boldness and do it anyway. I quickly sent a text message before I could second-guess myself or my kids. Even if they don’t accept, your invitation tells them you see them, you remember there loved one, and you care. And most importantly, it shows them God sees them, too. - 2. Focus on connection, not perfection.
Our table was crowded! We pulled in extra chairs from the garage, used mismatched plates, and squeezed elbow-to-elbow. And you know what? Nobody cared. What people remember most isn’t how it looked; it’s how they felt. This family was so grateful to have a new memory of a special holiday meal as they started to figure out what their life without Grandma looked like. Those moments of laughter around the table and story-sharing carried the quiet presence of Jesus, who promises to be close to the brokenhearted. - 3. Acknowledge their loss.
It can feel awkward to bring up the person they’re missing, but silence can make the grief feel heavier. Talk about their loved one. Almost all grieving people I’ve encountered love an opportunity to talk about and remember the person they’ve lost. Ask about their favorite holiday memories. If there’s time, ask ahead of time if there’s a special family recipe you can include with the meal. - 4. Let the invitation be open-handed.
There is a man in our community who is divorced and has difficult relationships with his grown children. He, too, is hurting and spends the holidays alone. For several years now we have invited him to join us, and he always politely declines. However, a small but significant step was taken last year. He accepted an invitation to come over after our meal and pick up a plate of leftovers to take home. We got to chat with him for a while and celebrate after the meal was done. There are many forms of grief, and the last thing we want to do is place pressure on someone in pain. Extending an open-handed invitation without expectation creates space for them to join if and when they are ready. It’s a beautiful reminder of God’s own invitation to us: always open, always patient, always full of grace. - 5. Keep checking in after the holidays.
Grief doesn’t follow a calendar. Sometimes the hardest days come after the big holidays, when everyone else has moved on. Keep inviting, keep texting, keep showing up. Presence in the days and weeks after is just as powerful as during the holiday itself.
That Thanksgiving reminded me that hospitality is less about the table and more about the heart around it. When we create space at our tables for those who are grieving, we’re doing more than sharing a meal. We are sharing the love of God in a tangible way, making room for Holy Spirit to comfort and heal. You don’t need the perfect meal or a Pinterest-worthy home to share the love of Jesus and help someone feel seen. All you need is a willing heart and an open door, and God will do the rest.
About the Author
Katie Thompson is the executive pastor at Desert Streams Church in Southern California, where her husband, Levi, serves as lead pastor. When she’s not pastoring, she’s running her bookkeeping business, leading as CFO at a wellness center, or wrangling kids and backyard chickens. She’s convinced coffee makes everything better, family adventures are non-negotiable, and the beach is one of God’s best ideas.
Recently, at an Alpha leaders’ meeting at our church, someone asked, “What does relevant ministry look like in today’s culture?” I think I decoded that question as “How do we effectively create Christ followers in a way that is relevant for today?” Cultural shifts, digital saturation, and generational expectations have reshaped the ministry landscape. Yet, helping people find and follow Jesus remains our mission. Jesus’ call to “go and make disciples” hasn’t changed—but the environment in which we fulfill that call certainly has.
I would like to share five thoughts on how we can effectively disciple in today’s world, the first two being observations on the state of our culture and the final three being suggestions for how we can minister in relevant ways in this culture.
1. We are being shaped by our culture’s digital fluidity and fluency.
We are living in an age of rapid digital transformation. Platforms change. Trends shift. Everyone has a voice AND everyone is selling you something. The result? People are overwhelmed with content and unsure of what’s even real anymore.
News, opinions, and even personal milestones unfold in real time, framed through algorithms and filtered bias. We’re not just consuming content; we’re being shaped by it. And just when we’ve adapted to one platform (remember Facebook?), a new one arises, demanding more of our time and attention.
Why it matters: Discipleship today must cut through the noise. We can’t just add to the information pile; we must offer something real, relational, and rooted in truth.
2. Despite being more “connected” than ever, people are starving for genuine relationships.
People may be connected and engaged in a myriad of conversations, but they lack authenticity and real community.My adopted daughter, for example, grieved the loss of our dog not by turning to close family or friends but by posting online and receiving brief, surface-level sympathy. She devoured those one-liners, but they didn’t satisfy her deep need for comfort and true compassion.
This is the paradox of the present: constant connection without true community.
Why it matters: Discipleship flourishes in authentic relationships. We must move past content delivery to heart-level engagement.
Yes, I know there is more to observe about today’s culture than these two aspects, but this is a good starting point to start structuring our ministries to multiply Christ followers in our current context. Now let’s look at a few practical ways we can do that.
3. Prioritize relational discipleship.
Digital influence may shape opinions, but it doesn’t form character. What forms a disciple is being seen, known, and challenged in the context of real relationships. Discipleship today needs to happen “eyeball to eyeball.” People are more likely to engage today not by having an expert stand up front and tell them the “answers” but by sitting in a circle, in a transparent and safe environment where they are safe to explore the questions, parse the information, AND where they can be mentored by people who model authentic faith. These mentors need to “do life together” with them so that they can provide consistent care and support.
Jesus modeled this beautifully. He didn’t just teach the crowds; He lived life with His disciples. His method was both invitational (“Come, follow me”) and challenging (“Take up your cross”).
Practical Steps:
• Think small: Build organic small groups that foster vulnerability and trust.
• Pair new believers with mature Christians who are willing to “do life together.”
• Create safe spaces for honest questions and struggles without judgment.
Discipleship isn’t about having all the answers; it’s about walking together toward Jesus.
4. Move from information to transformation.
The reality is that people don’t want or need more information; Google and AI have given us all the information of the ages at our fingertips. But here’s the catch: information alone doesn’t transform lives. True discipleship must bridge the gap between knowing about God and being transformed by Him. This means shifting the focus from merely imparting biblical knowledge to fostering genuine spiritual growth and life change.
Practical Steps:
• Encourage spiritual disciplines like PB & J (Prayer, Bible reading and Journaling/Meditation) into daily rhythms.
• Propose application-oriented questions: What is God saying to me and what am I going to do about it? How will this inform my decisions and change my actions this week?
• Share stories of personal transformation to make faith tangible.
The goal isn’t smarter Christians; it’s surrendered lives.
5. Make discipleship practical and missional.
Discipleship must extend beyond study and conversation. Jesus sent His disciples out. They learned by doing. In today’s world, hands-on faith matters more than ever.
Mission trips, community outreach, and acts of justice and mercy aren’t just good deeds, they’re discipleship labs. I like to say that “Ministry is simply an excuse for discipleship.” It’s in the doing that faith is tested, stretched, and refined.
Practical Steps:
• Involve disciples in regular service projects and real-world ministry.
• Help people discover their gifts and put them to work in their communities, not just inside the walls of the church
• Reflect on service together: What did God show you as you served others?
Missional discipleship reminds us that faith isn’t just personal, it’s participatory
Final Thought: Never forget the role of the Holy Spirit.
Disciple-making is a divine partnership. Strategies, programs, and best practices are helpful, but only God transforms hearts. Prayer must be our starting point and our sustaining power.
Pray for those you lead. Ask the Holy Spirit to guide, convict, and empower. And trust that the seeds you plant, even in today’s challenging soil, are in good hands.
Now is a great time for ministry!
Gary Khan was born on the island of Trinidad in the Caribbean. He moved to America when he was twenty to pursue his education and calling to be a pastor. He met his wife DeLaine at Eugene Bible College (now New Hope Christian College) and upon their graduation, they were married and began working at Desert Streams Church in Santa Clarita, CA. After thirty-two years as a pastor, Gary became an Executive Director of Operations for Marketplace Chaplains. He is the author of devotionals including Reset and Greater and his most recent book, That Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Thought.
