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Dad, What’s Sex?
By Jordan Valentine
Not a care in the world in the California moonlight, cruising down the road with my oldest. Just a dad and his son, nothing better. Then it happened. Out of the peaceful silence my son asked me, “Dad, what’s sex?”
I did what any sane parent would do. I panicked, opened my car door, and jumped out. Okay, I made the last part up, but maybe you have wished you could make a quick escape from your kids’ questions. It can seem like a better alternative than actually having this conversation. I mean, most people might presume I am a mature adult, but I feel inappropriate even typing words like “sex” and “pornography.” You may even be asking, “Why is this rapscallion using such a wild tongue? He is simply uncouth!” (In this scenario, you are a prim and proper person from the 1600s).
If our kids don’t learn about sex from us, they will learn about it from the world. They will learn it from their friends, their schools, the culture around them, or from screens when no one else is watching. The thought of talking to your children about sex can make you feel awkward. As a youth pastor I dealt with parents who struggled with this conversation because of their past sexual mistakes. Some parents felt like hypocrites for teaching their kids to do something they didn’t even do themselves. So instead, they just left their children without guidance in a world full of sexual landmines. Other parents would try to keep their kids from making the same mistakes they did by dressing them in a chastity belt of rules. These students would be ashamed or angry with their parents and then explore an accessible sexual world when their parents weren’t looking. Either scenario leads to the children finding important answers somewhere else.
This growing communication problem leads Gen Z to pornography. For them it is natural to experience life through the screen. The average Gen Z-er spends as much time on a screen as many people do at their full-time jobs. According to Barna,* over 25 percent are on a screen over 56 hours a week. Unlike previous generations, they don’t use social media just to keep friendships; they are looking for new friendships and new experiences, not in person, but through screens. Without healthy direction they all too easily fall in lust with digital sex. This can lead to shame and fear, and ultimately it will rob our children of God’s best for them.
If our kids don’t learn about sex from us, they will learn about it from the world.
I am not a professional psychologist, just a dad trying to get better every day at my craft. Nonetheless, I am going to give you a few tips on how to have open and honest conversations about sex and pornography with your children. These conversations will help your kids have a healthier view of sex and help them safeguard themselves from the lies of pornography.
Just a few notes to review before we get started. First, God made us sexual beings. It is part of who we are, but not our main identity. God did this on purpose. (Your kids are not freaks if they desire sex.) God’s design is perfect. He declared sex good, meaning when God designed it and when we exercise it according to His design, it is good. Adam and Eve felt no shame in the way God created them and united them together. Second, Satan is a liar. He used his lies to deceive Adam and Eve. He attempted and failed to deceive Jesus. His attacks on us and on our children will come at us from his lying lips. He will attempt to lie to them about sex and pornography. You can see this in our culture. Although God made us sexual beings as part of our identity, now sexuality is seemingly synonymous with our identity.
Now on to three tips to help you to have open conversations about sex with your kids.
- Just answer what they ask.
- My parents gave me this great advice that they stole from one of their teachers. It simplifies the harder to answer questions we get from our kids. Sometimes when our child asks about sex, we think we must unleash the entirety of our knowledge upon their child-sized brains. (I’m guilty of this.) Instead, just answer the question they ask. If they ask another, answer that. Let them determine how much information they can handle and don’t assume they need more than they are asking for. You can be cautious, using words appropriate for their age. (We don’t want to push them into mature topics they haven’t thought or heard of yet.) We also don’t want them to view these conversations with us as inappropriate or embarrassing. Within our culture today, our kids will more than likely be exposed to pornography. In times past you would have to go to a sleazy store to access porn; now it is available in every pocket. If our kids feel free to come to us, we can help them avoid the secrecy and shame.
- Check in with them.
- Sometimes they may not ask questions. This is when you need to be proactive and open up the conversation. They may not be ready to talk at that moment. (Let’s be real; kids usually ask when it is the most inconvenient – pretty sure they do it on purpose.) Your checking in lets them know that they have open access to any information they are curious about. It will take away the secrecy and fear the enemy can use.
- Point to the blessing of God’s design.
- Every conversation becomes an opportunity to lead our kids to the immense love and goodness of God. Deuteronomy 6 gives us a great reminder as parents to be diligent in teaching our kids to love God, and from that love, to follow His commandments. In an area that can harm our child so greatly, we should diligently point them to God and the happiness they can experience through His design. Each potentially awkward and cringy conversation becomes an opportunity for your kids to see the beauty of how God made sex a special part of their lives. This approach will not just grow an excitement for doing things God’s way but will also grow their love of God the more they see His faithfulness. Remember, we are not teaching our kids that all their wildest dreams will come true when they find their spouse. That would set unrealistic expectations that would lead to frustration. What we are doing is saying that God’s way is always better. In good seasons and bad ones, God’s way is filled with peace. That is true in all areas of life, whether relationships, finances (a shout-out to Dave Ramsey), parenting, or sex.
There is no exhaustive, foolproof list for how to raise a child that will never look at pornography, but your faithful voice can lead them toward freedom. In a world that will constantly twist and pervert sex as long as they live, it is important to be that steady voice that points to the beauty and joy of God’s design for sex.
*Gen Z: The Culture, Beliefs and Motivations Shaping the Next Generation. The Barna Group and Impact 360 Institute. January 22, 2018
About the Author
Jordan Valentine is married to an amazing woman, Mia, who can tolerate all his sarcasm! He is the father of three wild boys: John, Jedidiah, and Thaddeus. He has been a youth pastor for more than ten years and now has the honor of being lead pastor at Journey Church of Open Bible in Antioch, California.
On August 1, 2026, three fast-moving wildfires swept across the Spokane area, fueled by a frightening combination of high winds and dangerously dry conditions. The Old Trails, Autumn Lane, and Fairview fires, collectively managed as the Spokane Complex, damaged or destroyed hundreds of homes and other structures and forced thousands to evacuate.
Seven Open Bible and Open Bible-affiliated churches serve communities throughout the Spokane area, and all were affected in some way by the fires. Three, however, found themselves in the immediate path of the most destructive blaze, the Old Trails Fire. Turning Point Church and Foundation Church were placed under a Level 3 evacuation, displacing members of their church families, while Riverside Real Life Church lost its building entirely. Pastors from Turning Point and Riverside share what they witnessed as fire swept through their communities and how, amid tremendous loss, they saw God provide through the generosity, prayers, and practical care of the Church.
From Melissa Stelly,
Executive Pastor of
Turning Point Open Bible Church:
The pillar of angry smoke on the horizon immediately filled me with dread as I drove to the grocery store. High winds drove the flames across parched land so fast that one firefighter marveled that he couldn’t have outrun it, even if he tried. Hundreds of people desperately fled their neighborhoods, clogging the few roads out as flames appeared in their rearview mirrors. There were heartbreaking stories of people calling family members to say goodbye because they didn’t think they would escape in time
And yet, not a life was taken.
And yet, not a life was taken.
Our church was placed under a level 3 evacuation, and many of our people were displaced from their homes, either losing them completely to the flames or due to toxins that bathed their houses from the burning around them. Immediately, our church family responded with calls and emails, offering their homes to those impacted, along with gift cards, money, clothing, and even animal care. Spokane leaders met at the local high school, inviting faith leaders, non-profits, educators, and government to join together to streamline resources, establish a relief system, and collaborate. Since then, Spokane churches have recognized a deficit in crisis response and are organizing a network of churches to spearhead emergency and crisis response in our city.
I am proud of our church body’s immediate mobilization, which gave generously and put faith into action by meeting needs, opening homes, and volunteering at shelters and outreaches. One woman in our church, who lost her home to the flames, tearfully shared how overwhelmed she was by the support she received. The church family gave her stacks of gift cards, bought her clothes, generously gave to the church to meet her financial needs, and called her constantly to pray with her.
As a pastor, I witnessed this verse in action: “To equip his people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up” (Ephesians 4:12 NIV).
From Kelly Armstrong,
Lead Pastor of
Riverside Real Life Church:
Our church, Riverside Real Life Church, and the entire surrounding neighborhood were destroyed by the Old Trails Fire that hit the Spokane community. Because of our location at the center of the damage, hundreds of people who call Riverside their church were displaced from their homes, at least temporarily. Praise God, most were able to return after one to two weeks; the number of homes lost in our congregation was in single digits. Many homes in the neighborhood my family lives in were destroyed, but thankfully, our home was spared, and we returned home after nine days.
The response of our community and beyond has been amazing. I’ve been contacted by hundreds of pastors and churches from all across the country and most significantly, from all across the Open Bible family. I am convinced that the prayer on our behalf has made a difference as God has opened one door after another. On September 6th, we had our first Sunday service since the fires at a middle school near where the church building was located. We came together, standing room only, to reconnect, worship God, and envision the future.
There are significant complications, but they are not barriers for Him.
Through the generosity of churches all over the country, we’ve been able to give significant financial assistance to families and individuals who’ve lost their homes, restart our small group system, launch a mobile Sunday service that we can be proud of, and continue our mission to “Reach the World for Jesus.”
I’m full of gratitude to every person and church who’ve supported through care, finances, and prayer. When church leaders ask how they can pray, I tell them, “Please pray for God’s favor in the rebuilding process. There are significant complications, but they are not barriers for Him.”
Thank you, Open Bible friends and family. I couldn’t be more grateful for your care and support; it has meant the world to me.
In the midst of tragedy, God’s goodness and glory were evident. As Pastor Melissa Stelly said when sharing her story, “The Lord preserved, the Lord provided, and the Lord used His Church to serve.” But nothing expresses God’s grace over Spokane better than Isaiah 61:3:
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
Isaiah 61:3 (NIV)
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
About the Author
Hannah Bemis currently serves as the editor and director of Message of the Open Bible. She always wanted to do too many things when she grew up, and God has been kind enough to let her do most of them in different seasons. Those seasons have included raising little ones at home, teaching, writing, and staff pastoring, with Hannah’s most recent adventure being planting and pastoring College Street Church in Newberg, Oregon, with her husband, Jordan. After Jesus and all her favorite people, she spends the remainder of her passion on pizza and dark chocolate in equal measure.
I am proud to have been a credentialed minister with Open Bible Churches for over four decades. What a privilege to have served in a variety of contexts across our wonderful family of several hundred congregations in the US, along with several thousand globally. Over those decades, God has gradually expanded my understanding of what it means to belong to His Church.
I’ve enjoyed the enriching experience of embracing so many of the distinctives of what makes Open Bible, well, Open Bible: our unwavering commitment to Scripture as the inspired, authoritative Word of God; our resolve to plant and sustain healthy, vibrant local churches; our passion for the fullness and gifts of the Holy Spirit operating in our daily lives; and so much more.
And yet, with the beauty of these ecclesial distinctives so evident in our movement, I believe I have come to realize that what we share together as our core values and practices are not completely unique to us. As a matter of fact, when we take a step back and consider just who is a part of the Body of Christ, we can discover that we have much in common with our brothers and sisters across the US and around the world. It took one unexpected friendship to deepen my understanding of what it means to belong not only to Open Bible Churches, but to the Church.
A humbling experience for me has been to receive grace and love from others who are different than me even before I was prepared to offer the same to them. One example for me comes from my years as a participant in the International Catholic-Pentecostal Dialogue. This ongoing annual conversation was begun in the 1970s by David du Plessis, the Pentecostal known as “Mr. Pentecost,” and Father Kilian McDonnell, a Catholic theologian, and continues to this day. When I attended a session of this Dialogue for the first time in 1993, I was so focused on my disagreement with Catholic doctrines and practices that I was not in a place to show much hospitality. But over the next several decades I got to know the Catholic co-chair, Father Kilian, quite well. I was amazed at how well he knew Pentecostals like me, how much he wanted to learn more, and how much he cared for us. He was respectful, honest, and compassionate. We didn’t agree on everything, obviously. But he became a mentor to me, showing me how to treat others who were different than I was. And we became friends. He passed away last year at the age of 100, and I was honored to attend his memorial service. That experience changed how I think about the global Church.
The following numbers paint a remarkable picture of the global family that shares our evangelical, Pentecostal, and charismatic faith. According to the 2026 Status of Global Christianity report, more than 1.1 billion Christians around the world identify as Evangelical, Pentecostal, or Charismatic. Of those, approximately 676 million are Pentecostal or Charismatic believers.
That global family is wonderfully diverse, including classical Pentecostal denominations like Open Bible Churches, independent charismatic networks, Catholic Charismatics, and charismatic believers within many Protestant traditions (Anglican, Methodist, etc.).
So why do these numbers matter? They remind us that we are part of something much larger than ourselves. We are not alone, and we are certainly not “small.” Along with our evangelical, Pentecostal, and charismatic brothers and sisters around the world, we are a fierce contingent in the Lord’s army. It’s both humbling and encouraging to remember that we belong to the CHURCH in all its vastness.
But that doesn’t mean we have to give up our wonderful heritage, culture, and beauty that make us Open Bible Churches. We have something to contribute to the rest of the Church. I’m reminded of the prophetic word delivered a few decades ago at one of our conventions: “Open Bible Churches is a vital organ in the Body of Christ!” That statement has never been more true.
“Open Bible Churches is not ‘the Church.’
Open Bible Churches is part of the Church
— a wonderful part,
but a part.”
And yet, we also do not want to be guilty of isolation or sectarianism. Open Bible Churches is not “the Church.” Open Bible Churches is part of the Church. A wonderful part, but a part. So, it is healthy for us to remember our brothers and sisters in other denominations and networks, to pray for them, and even to cooperate with them in community and regional initiatives so that together we may faithfully steward our callings and responsibilities to advance the Kingdom of God on the earth.
One of the most important ways we can grow in unity as believers is to start by acknowledging and valuing diversity in the Body of Christ. God didn’t make us all the same. Unity is not uniformity. The old adage still rings true: “in essentials, unity; in non-essentials, diversity; and in all things, charity.” May we agree to disagree with one another with clarity, respect, and most of all love. We can embrace grace and truth at the same time, and indeed we are called to it.
No doubt you know some followers of Jesus in your community (and probably in your own family) who do not belong to Open Bible Churches. The invitation for us all is to love them, to be grateful for all that we share with them, and to offer some space (and some grace) for our differences. This is not easy. In fact, it is hard work. Remember the words of the apostle Paul: “As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace” (Eph. 4:1-3 NIV). If maintaining unity was easy, Paul wouldn’t have needed to admonish us to “make every effort” to do so.
Jesus reminds us that unity isn’t just for our benefit: it’s one of the clearest testimonies to a watching world.
But if we are willing to pay the price of seeing God’s big Church, and loving it the way He does, we’ll be more Christlike, and we’ll participate in being an answer to one of the last prayers Jesus prayed before He went to the cross on our behalf: “…that they may be one as we are one— I in them and you in me—so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me” (John 17:22-23 NIV). Jesus reminds us that unity isn’t just for our benefit: it’s one of the clearest testimonies to a watching world.
Together, let’s allow the Lord to give us eyes to see the breadth and beauty of His Church, recognizing and loving our brothers and sisters in Christ in such an obvious way that we actually become answers to the prayer of Jesus in John 17. Amen?
Here are a few resources that explore some of these issues related to Christian Unity:
That They May Be One – Podcast
That They May Be One – Film
PCCNA Christian Unity Commission
Forum for Unity
International Charismatic Consultation
Global Christian Forum
About the Author
David Cole has been a credentialed minister with Open Bible Churches since 1984. He is currently Professor of Historical Theology at The King’s University in Southlake, Texas. He is also involved in a variety of initiatives related to his calling to encourage the pursuit of unity among believers in Jesus, and to that end currently serves as chair of the Christian Unity Commission with the Pentecostal/
Charismatic Churches of North America. He and his wife, Julie, are parents of four, grandparents of ten, and are currently located in Newberg, Oregon, where they attend College Street Church.
I woke up unable to speak. A breathing tube filled my throat. Machines surrounded my hospital bed. I was confused, intubated, and lying in an ICU room with no memory of how I got there. But strangely, I was not afraid. In the middle of the chaos, God gave me an unexplainable peace.
I motioned desperately for paper and pencil so I could ask two questions: What happened? And where is George?
My son’s father explained that I had been in a serious car accident. The car was completely destroyed. I had been found trapped beneath the steering wheel with severe facial injuries.
That morning — January 22, 2026 — had started like any other Thursday. I got ready for work, buckled my 18-month-old son George into his car seat, and pulled out of the driveway expecting an ordinary day.
It became anything but ordinary.
My neighbor, who had left home at the same time I did, later explained what happened. We were both driving around fifteen miles per hour when the car I was driving suddenly lost control. I still do not know why, and I have no memory of the moment itself.
By the grace of God, George was almost completely untouched.
The car hit a cement light pole, crossed into oncoming traffic, and was struck head-on by another vehicle. Both vehicles spun, and the car I was driving slammed into another cement light pole.
By the grace of God, George was almost completely untouched.
The back windshield shattered directly above him, yet the glass never harmed him because of the position his car seat landed in. The entire back left side of the car was crushed inward, but George had been seated on the back right side. Even now, I can only thank God for His protection.
I was taken by ambulance to the hospital and admitted into the Trauma ICU. Doctors told my family that I had suffered severe head trauma resulting in a brain bleed. I was also bleeding internally in my abdominal area, and they began preparing my family for the possible loss of my pregnancy.
… the doctors did not know the God my family and I serve — and how merciful He is.
But the doctors did not know the God my family and I serve — and how merciful He is.
My family immediately began to pray. Members of my church, Open Bible Church of Homestead, began arriving at the hospital, and soon an entire army of people was interceding for me.
During those first two days, I drifted in and out of consciousness and remember very little. But one moment remains clear in my mind: I heard the song “I Surrender” by Hillsong Worship playing in my hospital room. The lyrics, “Like a rushing wind, Jesus breathe within, Lord have Your way, Lord have Your way in me,” stayed with me and brought a deep sense of comfort in the middle of everything happening around me. In that moment, those words became my prayer as I quietly prayed, “I leave this in Your hands.”
After three days in the ICU, I was successfully extubated and began making remarkable progress. Ultrasounds showed a happy, active baby, and the bleeding had stopped.
On the fourth day, I was transferred out of the ICU into intermediate care before eventually moving to the medical-surgical floor. Doctors then began preparing me for maxillofacial surgery to reconstruct my face after multiple fractures.
On January 30, I underwent an eight-hour surgery. By God’s grace, the procedure was successful, and another ultrasound afterward showed my unborn baby remained active and healthy. On February 3, I was finally discharged and able to return home.
Since then, my recovery has gone smoothly. I am now twenty-eight weeks pregnant and waiting expectantly for the arrival of my baby. Through every frightening moment, God gave me strength and peace, and I never doubted His mercy.
Today, I am a living testimony of His grace.
About the Author
Thammy Castro is a behavior technician living in Miami and a soon-to-be mother of two. In her free time, she enjoys traveling with her family. She is a member of Open Bible Church of Homestead, where her parents, Jose and Maria Castro, serve as pastors.