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Dad, What’s Sex?
By Jordan Valentine
Not a care in the world in the California moonlight, cruising down the road with my oldest. Just a dad and his son, nothing better. Then it happened. Out of the peaceful silence my son asked me, “Dad, what’s sex?”
I did what any sane parent would do. I panicked, opened my car door, and jumped out. Okay, I made the last part up, but maybe you have wished you could make a quick escape from your kids’ questions. It can seem like a better alternative than actually having this conversation. I mean, most people might presume I am a mature adult, but I feel inappropriate even typing words like “sex” and “pornography.” You may even be asking, “Why is this rapscallion using such a wild tongue? He is simply uncouth!” (In this scenario, you are a prim and proper person from the 1600s).
If our kids don’t learn about sex from us, they will learn about it from the world. They will learn it from their friends, their schools, the culture around them, or from screens when no one else is watching. The thought of talking to your children about sex can make you feel awkward. As a youth pastor I dealt with parents who struggled with this conversation because of their past sexual mistakes. Some parents felt like hypocrites for teaching their kids to do something they didn’t even do themselves. So instead, they just left their children without guidance in a world full of sexual landmines. Other parents would try to keep their kids from making the same mistakes they did by dressing them in a chastity belt of rules. These students would be ashamed or angry with their parents and then explore an accessible sexual world when their parents weren’t looking. Either scenario leads to the children finding important answers somewhere else.
This growing communication problem leads Gen Z to pornography. For them it is natural to experience life through the screen. The average Gen Z-er spends as much time on a screen as many people do at their full-time jobs. According to Barna,* over 25 percent are on a screen over 56 hours a week. Unlike previous generations, they don’t use social media just to keep friendships; they are looking for new friendships and new experiences, not in person, but through screens. Without healthy direction they all too easily fall in lust with digital sex. This can lead to shame and fear, and ultimately it will rob our children of God’s best for them.
If our kids don’t learn about sex from us, they will learn about it from the world.
I am not a professional psychologist, just a dad trying to get better every day at my craft. Nonetheless, I am going to give you a few tips on how to have open and honest conversations about sex and pornography with your children. These conversations will help your kids have a healthier view of sex and help them safeguard themselves from the lies of pornography.
Just a few notes to review before we get started. First, God made us sexual beings. It is part of who we are, but not our main identity. God did this on purpose. (Your kids are not freaks if they desire sex.) God’s design is perfect. He declared sex good, meaning when God designed it and when we exercise it according to His design, it is good. Adam and Eve felt no shame in the way God created them and united them together. Second, Satan is a liar. He used his lies to deceive Adam and Eve. He attempted and failed to deceive Jesus. His attacks on us and on our children will come at us from his lying lips. He will attempt to lie to them about sex and pornography. You can see this in our culture. Although God made us sexual beings as part of our identity, now sexuality is seemingly synonymous with our identity.
Now on to three tips to help you to have open conversations about sex with your kids.
- Just answer what they ask.
- My parents gave me this great advice that they stole from one of their teachers. It simplifies the harder to answer questions we get from our kids. Sometimes when our child asks about sex, we think we must unleash the entirety of our knowledge upon their child-sized brains. (I’m guilty of this.) Instead, just answer the question they ask. If they ask another, answer that. Let them determine how much information they can handle and don’t assume they need more than they are asking for. You can be cautious, using words appropriate for their age. (We don’t want to push them into mature topics they haven’t thought or heard of yet.) We also don’t want them to view these conversations with us as inappropriate or embarrassing. Within our culture today, our kids will more than likely be exposed to pornography. In times past you would have to go to a sleazy store to access porn; now it is available in every pocket. If our kids feel free to come to us, we can help them avoid the secrecy and shame.
- Check in with them.
- Sometimes they may not ask questions. This is when you need to be proactive and open up the conversation. They may not be ready to talk at that moment. (Let’s be real; kids usually ask when it is the most inconvenient – pretty sure they do it on purpose.) Your checking in lets them know that they have open access to any information they are curious about. It will take away the secrecy and fear the enemy can use.
- Point to the blessing of God’s design.
- Every conversation becomes an opportunity to lead our kids to the immense love and goodness of God. Deuteronomy 6 gives us a great reminder as parents to be diligent in teaching our kids to love God, and from that love, to follow His commandments. In an area that can harm our child so greatly, we should diligently point them to God and the happiness they can experience through His design. Each potentially awkward and cringy conversation becomes an opportunity for your kids to see the beauty of how God made sex a special part of their lives. This approach will not just grow an excitement for doing things God’s way but will also grow their love of God the more they see His faithfulness. Remember, we are not teaching our kids that all their wildest dreams will come true when they find their spouse. That would set unrealistic expectations that would lead to frustration. What we are doing is saying that God’s way is always better. In good seasons and bad ones, God’s way is filled with peace. That is true in all areas of life, whether relationships, finances (a shout-out to Dave Ramsey), parenting, or sex.
There is no exhaustive, foolproof list for how to raise a child that will never look at pornography, but your faithful voice can lead them toward freedom. In a world that will constantly twist and pervert sex as long as they live, it is important to be that steady voice that points to the beauty and joy of God’s design for sex.
*Gen Z: The Culture, Beliefs and Motivations Shaping the Next Generation. The Barna Group and Impact 360 Institute. January 22, 2018
About the Author
Jordan Valentine is married to an amazing woman, Mia, who can tolerate all his sarcasm! He is the father of three wild boys: John, Jedidiah, and Thaddeus. He has been a youth pastor for more than ten years and now has the honor of being lead pastor at Journey Church of Open Bible in Antioch, California.
I am proud to have been a credentialed minister with Open Bible Churches for over four decades. What a privilege to have served in a variety of contexts across our wonderful family of several hundred congregations in the US, along with several thousand globally. Over those decades, God has gradually expanded my understanding of what it means to belong to His Church.
I’ve enjoyed the enriching experience of embracing so many of the distinctives of what makes Open Bible, well, Open Bible: our unwavering commitment to Scripture as the inspired, authoritative Word of God; our resolve to plant and sustain healthy, vibrant local churches; our passion for the fullness and gifts of the Holy Spirit operating in our daily lives; and so much more.
And yet, with the beauty of these ecclesial distinctives so evident in our movement, I believe I have come to realize that what we share together as our core values and practices are not completely unique to us. As a matter of fact, when we take a step back and consider just who is a part of the Body of Christ, we can discover that we have much in common with our brothers and sisters across the US and around the world. It took one unexpected friendship to deepen my understanding of what it means to belong not only to Open Bible Churches, but to the Church.
A humbling experience for me has been to receive grace and love from others who are different than me even before I was prepared to offer the same to them. One example for me comes from my years as a participant in the International Catholic-Pentecostal Dialogue. This ongoing annual conversation was begun in the 1970s by David du Plessis, the Pentecostal known as “Mr. Pentecost,” and Father Kilian McDonnell, a Catholic theologian, and continues to this day. When I attended a session of this Dialogue for the first time in 1993, I was so focused on my disagreement with Catholic doctrines and practices that I was not in a place to show much hospitality. But over the next several decades I got to know the Catholic co-chair, Father Kilian, quite well. I was amazed at how well he knew Pentecostals like me, how much he wanted to learn more, and how much he cared for us. He was respectful, honest, and compassionate. We didn’t agree on everything, obviously. But he became a mentor to me, showing me how to treat others who were different than I was. And we became friends. He passed away last year at the age of 100, and I was honored to attend his memorial service. That experience changed how I think about the global Church.
The following numbers paint a remarkable picture of the global family that shares our evangelical, Pentecostal, and charismatic faith. According to the 2026 Status of Global Christianity report, more than 1.1 billion Christians around the world identify as Evangelical, Pentecostal, or Charismatic. Of those, approximately 676 million are Pentecostal or Charismatic believers.
That global family is wonderfully diverse, including classical Pentecostal denominations like Open Bible Churches, independent charismatic networks, Catholic Charismatics, and charismatic believers within many Protestant traditions (Anglican, Methodist, etc.).
So why do these numbers matter? They remind us that we are part of something much larger than ourselves. We are not alone, and we are certainly not “small.” Along with our evangelical, Pentecostal, and charismatic brothers and sisters around the world, we are a fierce contingent in the Lord’s army. It’s both humbling and encouraging to remember that we belong to the CHURCH in all its vastness.
But that doesn’t mean we have to give up our wonderful heritage, culture, and beauty that make us Open Bible Churches. We have something to contribute to the rest of the Church. I’m reminded of the prophetic word delivered a few decades ago at one of our conventions: “Open Bible Churches is a vital organ in the Body of Christ!” That statement has never been more true.
“Open Bible Churches is not ‘the Church.’
Open Bible Churches is part of the Church
— a wonderful part,
but a part.”
And yet, we also do not want to be guilty of isolation or sectarianism. Open Bible Churches is not “the Church.” Open Bible Churches is part of the Church. A wonderful part, but a part. So, it is healthy for us to remember our brothers and sisters in other denominations and networks, to pray for them, and even to cooperate with them in community and regional initiatives so that together we may faithfully steward our callings and responsibilities to advance the Kingdom of God on the earth.
One of the most important ways we can grow in unity as believers is to start by acknowledging and valuing diversity in the Body of Christ. God didn’t make us all the same. Unity is not uniformity. The old adage still rings true: “in essentials, unity; in non-essentials, diversity; and in all things, charity.” May we agree to disagree with one another with clarity, respect, and most of all love. We can embrace grace and truth at the same time, and indeed we are called to it.
No doubt you know some followers of Jesus in your community (and probably in your own family) who do not belong to Open Bible Churches. The invitation for us all is to love them, to be grateful for all that we share with them, and to offer some space (and some grace) for our differences. This is not easy. In fact, it is hard work. Remember the words of the apostle Paul: “As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace” (Eph. 4:1-3 NIV). If maintaining unity was easy, Paul wouldn’t have needed to admonish us to “make every effort” to do so.
Jesus reminds us that unity isn’t just for our benefit: it’s one of the clearest testimonies to a watching world.
But if we are willing to pay the price of seeing God’s big Church, and loving it the way He does, we’ll be more Christlike, and we’ll participate in being an answer to one of the last prayers Jesus prayed before He went to the cross on our behalf: “…that they may be one as we are one— I in them and you in me—so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me” (John 17:22-23 NIV). Jesus reminds us that unity isn’t just for our benefit: it’s one of the clearest testimonies to a watching world.
Together, let’s allow the Lord to give us eyes to see the breadth and beauty of His Church, recognizing and loving our brothers and sisters in Christ in such an obvious way that we actually become answers to the prayer of Jesus in John 17. Amen?
Here are a few resources that explore some of these issues related to Christian Unity:
That They May Be One – Podcast
That They May Be One – Film
PCCNA Christian Unity Commission
Forum for Unity
International Charismatic Consultation
Global Christian Forum
About the Author
David Cole has been a credentialed minister with Open Bible Churches since 1984. He is currently Professor of Historical Theology at The King’s University in Southlake, Texas. He is also involved in a variety of initiatives related to his calling to encourage the pursuit of unity among believers in Jesus, and to that end currently serves as chair of the Christian Unity Commission with the Pentecostal/
Charismatic Churches of North America. He and his wife, Julie, are parents of four, grandparents of ten, and are currently located in Newberg, Oregon, where they attend College Street Church.
I woke up unable to speak. A breathing tube filled my throat. Machines surrounded my hospital bed. I was confused, intubated, and lying in an ICU room with no memory of how I got there. But strangely, I was not afraid. In the middle of the chaos, God gave me an unexplainable peace.
I motioned desperately for paper and pencil so I could ask two questions: What happened? And where is George?
My son’s father explained that I had been in a serious car accident. The car was completely destroyed. I had been found trapped beneath the steering wheel with severe facial injuries.
That morning — January 22, 2026 — had started like any other Thursday. I got ready for work, buckled my 18-month-old son George into his car seat, and pulled out of the driveway expecting an ordinary day.
It became anything but ordinary.
My neighbor, who had left home at the same time I did, later explained what happened. We were both driving around fifteen miles per hour when the car I was driving suddenly lost control. I still do not know why, and I have no memory of the moment itself.
By the grace of God, George was almost completely untouched.
The car hit a cement light pole, crossed into oncoming traffic, and was struck head-on by another vehicle. Both vehicles spun, and the car I was driving slammed into another cement light pole.
By the grace of God, George was almost completely untouched.
The back windshield shattered directly above him, yet the glass never harmed him because of the position his car seat landed in. The entire back left side of the car was crushed inward, but George had been seated on the back right side. Even now, I can only thank God for His protection.
I was taken by ambulance to the hospital and admitted into the Trauma ICU. Doctors told my family that I had suffered severe head trauma resulting in a brain bleed. I was also bleeding internally in my abdominal area, and they began preparing my family for the possible loss of my pregnancy.
… the doctors did not know the God my family and I serve — and how merciful He is.
But the doctors did not know the God my family and I serve — and how merciful He is.
My family immediately began to pray. Members of my church, Open Bible Church of Homestead, began arriving at the hospital, and soon an entire army of people was interceding for me.
During those first two days, I drifted in and out of consciousness and remember very little. But one moment remains clear in my mind: I heard the song “I Surrender” by Hillsong Worship playing in my hospital room. The lyrics, “Like a rushing wind, Jesus breathe within, Lord have Your way, Lord have Your way in me,” stayed with me and brought a deep sense of comfort in the middle of everything happening around me. In that moment, those words became my prayer as I quietly prayed, “I leave this in Your hands.”
After three days in the ICU, I was successfully extubated and began making remarkable progress. Ultrasounds showed a happy, active baby, and the bleeding had stopped.
On the fourth day, I was transferred out of the ICU into intermediate care before eventually moving to the medical-surgical floor. Doctors then began preparing me for maxillofacial surgery to reconstruct my face after multiple fractures.
On January 30, I underwent an eight-hour surgery. By God’s grace, the procedure was successful, and another ultrasound afterward showed my unborn baby remained active and healthy. On February 3, I was finally discharged and able to return home.
Since then, my recovery has gone smoothly. I am now twenty-eight weeks pregnant and waiting expectantly for the arrival of my baby. Through every frightening moment, God gave me strength and peace, and I never doubted His mercy.
Today, I am a living testimony of His grace.
About the Author
Thammy Castro is a behavior technician living in Miami and a soon-to-be mother of two. In her free time, she enjoys traveling with her family. She is a member of Open Bible Church of Homestead, where her parents, Jose and Maria Castro, serve as pastors.
There has been much discussion about the future of the Church. While I’m not a futurist or researcher, I’m grateful for voices that help us think wisely about pursuing the mission of the Church in an ever-changing culture. Researchers like Ed Stetzer and Carey Nieuwhof highlight some encouraging trends, such as revivals on college campuses, rising Bible sales, and Gen Z’s hunger for authentic faith.
I carry deep conviction and a faith-filled anticipation about what I see and am praying for. When I think about the Church and the days ahead, I don’t see a Church in retreat, but I do see a Church being refined – prepared for what God is getting ready to do. A victorious and glorious Church (Eph. 5:27).
When I think about the Church and the days ahead, I don’t see a Church in retreat, but I do see a Church being refined.
Jesus said, “I will build my church, and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it” (Matt. 16:18 ESV). That promise has no expiration date. Jesus is still building His Church today.
As the church advances, it will not stand on programs, buildings, or production. . . it will be built on the authority of Christ and the power of the Holy Spirit.
Across the body of Christ, there is a growing recognition that the future of the Church will not be built by addition alone, but by multiplication. Disciples will make disciples, leaders will develop and release leaders, and churches will plant churches. There are many voices helping to bring clarity to this, and we are seeing that same conviction take shape within Open Bible through our Mission to Multiply and the Power of We.
So, when I think about the Church and what is ahead of us, what do I see?
I SEE A MULTIPLYING CHURCH
We often measure success by attendance, budgets, and programs. While salvations and baptisms remain central, we must expand the scorecard. As Larry Walkemeyer describes in The River Church, we must move from “lake churches” that gather to “river churches” that send – becoming disciple makers who multiply.
The book of Acts shows us a model of a church that did not just meet but multiplied. The future will not belong to churches that simply gather a crowd, but it will belong to churches that make and send disciple makers. Jesus did not commission us to build an audience. He commanded us to go and make disciples (Matt. 28:19). Multiplication begins there – in intentional, relational, Spirit-led disciple making.
Multiplication is not just a strategy or a motto we adopt. It is the culture of Spirit-empowered, disciple-making churches. The Church I see measures health not only by attendance, but by how many are discipled, equipped, and sent to reproduce what’s been invested in them. This is our Mission to Multiply.
I SEE A SPIRIT-EMPOWERED CHURCH
We live in a time of rapid change. Technology, AI, and social media shape how we communicate and connect. These tools can be helpful, but they don’t transform lives. The Holy Spirit does.
These tools can be helpful, but they don’t transform lives. The Holy Spirit does.
Pentecost was Heaven’s defining moment for the birth of the Church and the fulfillment of what Jesus said in Acts 1:8. The early followers of Jesus did not have the influence, resources, or tools we have today. What they had was the power of God. That has not changed!
In the days ahead, more than ever, the Church will move forward not through innovation alone but through consecration. The church I see is unapologetically dependent on the Spirit of God.
I SEE A COURAGEOUS CHURCH
In the book of Acts, every step forward required courage – Peter and John before the Sanhedrin, Stephen in the face of death, Peter going to Cornelius’s home, the sending out of Paul and Barnabas. These were not small steps; they were courageous steps across cultural and spiritual boundaries. The early Church moved from gathering to going, from addition to multiplication. The expansion of the early Church was not accidental. It followed obedience and courage.
The Church I see will walk in that same Spirit.
Courage to preach the truth in love.
Courage to plant in hard places.
Courage to raise and release the next generation.
Courage to choose multiplication over comfort.
Courage to link arms with others for the sake of the greater mission.
Courage to build the Kingdom over our own castles.
We can stand on His promise and by His Spirit knowing “God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power and of love and of a sound mind” (2 Tim. 1:7 NKJV).
I SEE THE POWER OF WE
As we look forward, one of the strongest convictions I carry is this: our future will be stronger through the Power of We.
Individualism limits impact; partnership multiplies it. When we share vision, develop leaders, and align around mission, we step into something far greater than any one church could accomplish alone. I believe the future Church will not thrive through isolation but will flourish through collaboration. The church I see understands that “we” is stronger than “me.”
When we share vision, develop leaders, and align around mission, we step into something far greater than any one church could accomplish alone.
I am confident in what God has called us to:
The church that makes disciple makers will multiply.
The church that depends on the Holy Spirit will endure.
The church that walks in courage will advance. This is the church I see, and I believe we are being invited to build it together.
About the Author
Michael Nortune serves as president of Open Bible Churches. He has ministered in the local church faithfully for thirty-five years. From his start as a janitor and groundskeeper to church planter and lead pastor of Life Church in Concord, California, Michael has had the opportunity to gain experience in every capacity within the church throughout his ministry. Not only does he have hands-on experience on the local level, but Michael has also led at the district, regional, and national levels within Open Bible Churches. Michael and his wife, Julie, currently reside in Colorado and love living near five of their six children and their spouses. They also treasure the time they spend with their other daughter who lives in Alabama with their first (but not the last) grandson!