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I Didn’t Die!
By David Ridgway
It was a Friday, with just over a week until Christmas, when I realized I wasn’t feeling well. My wife, Rose, and I were planning to host a Christmas party for her side of the family that evening. Not wanting to expose anyone to COVID, she suggested I get tested at a nearby place that offered free testing. I received negative results about forty minutes later, so I assumed I just had a cold or the flu. I stayed up in our bedroom that night so as not to expose anyone to whatever it was. (It turned out it was COVID, and six people got it. Thankfully none were seriously ill, and they all recovered).
Saturday I lay in bed all day coughing. Sunday I stayed home from church, and I never miss church. I own my own pest control business, and on Monday I had an important job to do that I felt couldn’t wait. I tried leaving the house, but I couldn’t walk ten or fifteen feet without gasping for air. Totally exhausted, I had to go back home. Rose immediately took me to the hospital, MercyOne West in West Des Moines, a suburb of Des Moines, Iowa. There I tested positive for COVID. I was told that I was dehydrated and my blood pressure had tanked. They gave me an IV and got my blood pressure back up in an acceptable range and early Tuesday morning sent me home, telling me to rest.
I kept getting worse. By Wednesday I was having difficulty breathing, so Rose took me back to the hospital and they admitted me. I was thinking, “I’m in the hospital. They will take care of me, and I will get better.”
Instead I went downhill fast. I was having trouble breathing even though they kept increasing my oxygen. I was up to 75 liters, but my blood stream was absorbing less and less. I was starting to lose consciousness, unaware of what was going on around me. Since Rose had also tested positive for COVID, she couldn’t visit me.
By Christmas I was in bad shape. My mother came to see me. At that point I was 99 percent sure I was going to die. In my mind I could see a passageway up in the corner, and I knew that was death’s door. I kept drifting closer and closer to that passageway. I knew that if I reached that passageway, I would be dead. I would pass from this life to the next.
I thought, “I can’t control this; I can’t stop this. I’m in my 50s and I still have a lot I want to do. I have a lot of responsibilities – my home, business, family, and church ministry. This is really happening.”
It was scary even though I know I’m saved and going to heaven. It reminded me of that song Mark Lowry sings, “Everybody Wants to Go to Heaven (But Nobody Wants to Die)”.
On Christmas the doctor called my wife and tried to prepare her. He said, “Dave has the worst kind of COVID. He has pneumonia and a respiratory infection with it. He has a rough road in front of him and probably won’t survive.” They decided to transfer me to the main hospital downtown in the middle of the night.
Even though the next morning was a Sunday, our church, Journey Church of the Open Bible in Urbandale, wasn’t holding service in order to give staff time off with their families for the holidays. Rose had been keeping our pastor, Darrick Young, apprised of my condition and he would alert the prayer team and other leaders. After receiving the alarming news of my condition Pastor Darrick called down to the hospital to see if he could visit me. Without hesitation they told him, “Yes, you should probably come.”
I remember hearing his voice and was aware he was praying for me, but I don’t remember much about the visit. He later told me that I was somewhat responsive and agreed with him in prayer.
When people in the church got word of my condition, several of them dropped what they were doing and gathered at the church to pray. Pastor Darrick called Rose at home, put her on speaker phone, and prayed with her. When she mentioned that my daughter Natalie, a nurse who happens to work at Mercy, was with me at the time, Darrick called Natalie’s phone. She put me on speaker, and I could hear people praying for me. I don’t remember it but was later told that I kept saying, “Hallelujah.” At that meeting they also organized a 24-hour prayer chain. I’m still amazed that people stopped what they were doing during a holiday and gathered to pray for me.
God blessed me with Dr. Wilcox, who I’ve been told is the best doctor for treating COVID. But the news he gave Rose Monday morning was not good. He said, “Dave is in a downward spiral. If we don’t get him on a ventilator in fifteen minutes, he has zero chance of survival. His organs will shut down.”
Rose said, “We have five kids. Can I have them call him before you do that?”
He answered, “Sure, have them call right away. I’ll have the nurse put it on speaker phone.”
I vaguely remember hearing their voices. I now realize they were telling me goodbye.
After that, they sedated me, paralyzed me, and put me on the ventilator. As horrible as my experience had been to that point, this is when the real nightmares began. I wouldn’t wish the experience on anyone. You’re in a drug-induced coma, but your mind is still active. I was given the most powerful mind-altering hallucinogens. It was horrible.
As soon as I heard the doctor say, “Let’s start it up,” geometric figures appeared all around me, moving and shifting shapes. It made me nauseous. Then creatures started to appear out of nowhere: rats and animals and horrible things, so many things I can’t describe. Thankfully my mind has erased a lot of it. It reminded me of the time in the Bible when Jesus was fasting for forty days and then Satan took Him up and showed Him all the kingdoms of the world.
It felt as if the Lord took me up and showed me the nations of the world and how evil, full of sin, and lost man is. I saw any and every kind of sin there is: lying, stealing, rape, murder, incest, and genocide. I saw all the evil and it was throughout every country in every nation of the world, even down to the animal kingdom. (You know how animals murder and prey on each other.) The evil had invaded even the earth itself. I saw mountains sinking down into the ocean because they were corrupt. I remembered that when Adam and Eve sinned, God cursed even the ground.
I saw a common thread, and it was greed. People will do so much evil for money. They will kill for money, propagate pornography, gamble, steal, and lie. I thought of the verse that says, “For the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil” (1 Timothy 6:10, NLT).
When they put you on the ventilator, they place you in a prone position on your stomach for sixteen hours and then flip you onto your back for the other eight. It’s kind of a big deal when they flip you. It takes six to eight people. I had IVs, a blood pressure cuff, oxygen sensor, catheter, and all kinds of tubes and wires, and they had to make sure nothing got pulled or pinched or kinked. They don’t even want a wrinkle in the sheet because they don’t want to create pressure points that would cause bed sores.
My daughter Natalie would pop in from time to time before or after her shift to see how I was doing although I wasn’t aware of it. One morning she happened to come in while they were flipping me. She has seen the flipping process a hundred times before; she’s even helped with it. But when she saw them doing it to me, a limp, practically lifeless corpse, she couldn’t watch. She had to leave the room.
Pastor Darrick organized a gathering at my house Thursday evening for people to come to pray. Rose was at the house with our two younger kids who still live at home. Dozens of people from at least four churches joined together in corporate prayer at the house. I just saw the video of it this week. When I think of all the people praying for me, I’m overwhelmed.
That was Thursday night. Amazingly, the next morning, Friday, the doctor called Rose and said, “I think we’re going to take him off the ventilator because he’s making overall improvement.” (Originally they had told her I would be on the ventilator for seven to fourteen days; this was day five.) After they pulled me off the ventilator, I regained consciousness. It was still kind of scary because I wasn’t out of the woods yet, but I was getting close to the edge!
On New Year’s Day, ten days after I was admitted to the hospital, Rose was able to come visit me. When they told me she was coming, I could not remember what she looked like. Then when she came in, she was wearing a gown, hair covering, and face mask so all I could see was her eyes. I still couldn’t think what she looked like! But when she spoke, it all came back.
During those dark days, when nurses would come in to take my vitals, I would reach for them because I was so lonely. I didn’t want to die alone. The nurses would hold my hand for a couple minutes and then have to leave, and I wouldn’t see them for hours. Time just seemed to come to a stop. Even after I got off the ventilator, drugs were still affecting my mind. If I closed my eyes the horrible hallucinations would come back, so I tried to keep myself awake for two days. If I even blinked, the hallucinations were right there. Eventually I started having hallucinations that, although strange, were not as bad.
Finally on day three after coming off the ventilator, the hallucinations were fading. I was feeling better, so they moved me to my own COVID room. A nurse asked me if I wanted an ice chip, and having not eaten or drunk for two weeks, it sounded so great. I had lost thirty pounds, mostly muscle. I was so weak. When I was under, I would dream of cold drinks and lemonade. And then when the nurse asked if I wanted a whole cup of water, I was overjoyed. It tasted like living water!
After giving me the water, the nurse leaned over and said, “David, I just have to tell you, you are the only person I’ve seen that was unvaccinated, that sick, and on the ventilator that long and lived.” (A lot of people don’t come off the ventilator; it’s considered a last-ditch effort.)
The doctor concurred with the nurse, saying, “You are a very, very rare case.”
He was shocked I survived. I think a lot of the doctors were surprised. I was surprised. They moved me to a regular room, and that’s when I realized, “I’m not going to die.”
Even though I was as weak as a kitten, I now had hope. I was able to eat some pudding, which I love! The next day they started bringing me three meals a day. These became the highlight of my day. I’ve already put on twenty of the thirty pounds I lost.
When I first got to my own room, I was so weak I couldn’t even sit up. I couldn’t even push the button to move my hospital bed, turn on the TV, or call the nurse. When they tried to help me sit up, all my oxygen alarms went off. By the next day they helped me to stand, and I walked across the room with a walker, even though I soon returned to bed, exhausted. The next day I walked down the hall. The doctor was telling me I would probably get out of the hospital by the weekend.
Reflecting on Dave’s experience, Darrick Young, his pastor, said, “The turnaround in Dave’s body from near death to life was nothing short of miraculous. Dave, Rose, and their entire family have been quick to give glory to God for Dave’s healing, and they have expressed incredible gratitude to those who stood with them in prayer. God healed Dave, but he touched our whole church.”
Pastor Darrick Young
On Thursday morning, he said, “Would you like to get out of here today?”
I assured him that I would love that! I did not want to spend another night in the hospital. The beds are not comfortable. I still had all the wires and tubes, and they would come around the clock and take blood six to eight times a day.
By 8:00 that night I was home, having spent eighteen days in the hospital. I was on oxygen at first, but after a week slowly weaned myself off. I rested and got stronger the second week. By the third week when Sunday came, I said, “I’m going to church.”
That was my first outing. And the next day I went back to work and ended up working several hours. I keep getting stronger and stronger. I thank God I’m alive. My brother-in-law calls me nearly every day and the first thing he says is, “Praise God, Dave; you’re alive.”
I couldn’t get over the fact that all those people were praying for me. There were probably thousands, even beyond Iowa. There really is power in prayer. God heard their prayers and answered them. I’ve had prayers that weren’t answered the way I thought they would be, but this strengthened my faith, knowing God hears our prayers. He might not answer the way we wish, but His ways are better than ours.
God must have something for me to do; He’s not done with me yet. At first I thought that I needed to do something great for God. But when I started back teaching Royal Rangers (an activity-based, small-group ministry for boys) again, I saw a dad of two of the boys who goes to a different church. He had not heard about my ordeal, so I told him about it, wondering aloud what God had for me to do. He was shocked and amazed by my story and later sent me an email.
Part of it said:
I have experienced God helping me connect with my family better at Rangers that carries over to a better connection during the week. You have been doing Rangers for so long it may seem routine or even a little repetitive. But let me assure you that God is working through you having an impact on us . . . . You will never know how thankful I am for those two hours on Sunday when I get to come hang out with you guys and my kids. . . . You may not see it, but the impact is profound.
The vision I had while on the ventilator showed me how lost this world is, how much work we Christians have to do. I know as we get closer to the return of the Lord that sin will abound, but we can do something about it if we remain faithful to what He has called us to do.
About the Author
David Ridgway is the owner of Midwest Pest Management. He and his wife, Rose, began attending Journey Church of the Open Bible in Urbandale, Iowa, soon after it began ten years ago. Dave serves as a Journey partner, elder, and volunteer in various areas. He has been a Royal Rangers leader for 23 years and serves on the district staff. He has served as the Outpost Coordinator for Outpost 101 since it was formed at Journey Church nine years ago.
Church planting isn’t for the faint of heart. All church plants require faith, but it takes a special kind of crazy to “parachute plant,” where church planters “parachute” into a new place, starting from nothing with few resources or contacts. After seven years of pouring our hearts and souls into CityLife Church, a parachute church plant in Wilmington, North Carolina, my husband Mike and I were pretty certain God was calling us to do something different. We genuinely believed God was calling us into missions. In hindsight, I guess He was – just not in the way we pictured it.
This time, our “yes” led us into what was at that time the murder capital of America.
Neither one of us had a desire to plant another church, but the thought of doing something new was exciting to us. So, towards the end of our tenure at CityLife, we let the stirring of something new brew within us even though we had no idea what was coming.
During this season, a couple of things happened that God used to speak to our hearts. The Vanartsdalens, close friends of ours at CityLife, came to us with the news that they were moving to help plant another church within Open Bible (read more about their story HERE). As we celebrated what God was doing with our friends, it reignited a feeling within us that we had forgotten. (Never underestimate how your “yes” might affect someone else’s!) That feeling was the excitement and spiritual rush that comes with church planting. Neither Mike nor I expected to feel this again, and we were surprised to find the desire in our hearts to plant another church.
Everything changed after a conversation with our Open Bible Regional Director, Nathan Hagan. When we shared our initial desire with him, he began to brainstorm some different options for us to consider. One idea jumped out to both of us: “If you guys were interested in planting another church in the region, maybe it could be someplace like New Orleans.” Nathan mentioned other places, but the only one we remembered is the one that stuck to our hearts like glue. New Orleans: the word was spoken, and the Spirit responded!
Mike and I decided early on in our marriage that whatever God called us to do, we would say yes. This time, our “yes” led us into what was at that time the murder capital of America: New Orleans, Louisiana. It is extremely hard to uproot your family and your life and move hundreds of miles away to a place where there are no family, friends, or security. Despite these challenges, we sold many of our possessions, took what we could in a truck and trailer, and headed off into the unknown!
As soon as we put boots on the ground, we quickly realized that this city, this plant, and this call would be different from anything we had ever done. Almost immediately after moving, we were met with a triple homicide four houses down from ours, I was violently robbed at gunpoint, and our kids had a gun pulled on them while playing outside in our neighborhood. We faced circumstances that most people assumed we would run from, but when you know the Lord has called you to a land, you must trust that He will protect and prosper you in that land. Suffering is part of the calling; if we aren’t willing to suffer for the calling, we won’t partake of its full blessing. “But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed” (1 Peter 4:13).
To rewind just a bit, when we knew for sure that we were moving, Mike sat our kids down and had them help compile a dream/prayer list of people we’d love to have on our team. Some on the list were Spirit-led, some were hopefuls, but all of them were people we thought might be crazy enough to consider moving with us!
Back before we’d moved to North Carolina for our first church plant, we had told our friends Greg and Tina that we felt they were supposed to come with us. I think Greg laughed at Mike when we first shared this, but they are now the pastors at CityLife! In similar fashion, we had another friend couple in Ohio that we video chatted with as we prepared to plant in New Orleans. We shared the news of where we were moving then asked them to pray about joining us. They agreed to pray, but I’m certain they thought we were crazy!
We faced circumstances that most people assumed we would run from, but when you know the Lord has called you to a land, you must trust that He will protect and prosper you in that land.
It’s amazing to see how God works in lives, stirring people’s hearts to be part of things that take an incredible amount of faith. Here we are two years later, and Pastor Eric and Lindsay Baker are in New Orleans with us putting their hands to the plow! They moved from a one-light farm town to one of the wildest cities in the world. They and their seven kids gave their “yes” to the Lord, leaving everything they had ever known. They have had their car stolen twice, and yet here they remain. In addition to the Bakers, God sent us another person from our dream list without us even having to ask; Mike’s mom, Lynne, joined the team and lives right next door to us now!
Fast forward to present day: we are so excited to see what God is doing at OHR City Church! “Ohr” is the Hebrew word for “light,” and it also means “to bring order amid chaos” (so fitting for this city!). Almost nothing has gone how we thought it would here, yet we believe everything is going exactly how God designed it.
We are currently meeting every Sunday night in our house where we eat, worship, dream, pray, and study the word of God together. While the adults meet in our house, the kids go to Momma Lynne’s house next door! Our team is growing, and we are all becoming a family. None of us knows exactly where the Lord is taking us yet, but everyone is on board to find out!
If you feel God calling you to something, I encourage you to step out in faith and give God your “yes”!
*Want to read more from Mike and Cala Dickey? Read their related article: Five Ways to Support Church Planting
About the Author
Cala Dickey
Mike and Cala Dickey are the lead pastors at the Southeast Region of Open Bible’s newest church plant, OHR City Church, in New Orleans, Louisiana. Before heading down to the bayou, Mike and Cala planted CityLife Church in Wilmington, North Carolina. They are passionate about pioneering and planting churches in areas that desperately need Jesus. The Dickey family is excited for what God is doing through OHR City Church in New Orleans! To learn more, visit Ohrcc.com.
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Un «Sí» costoso: Plantar una iglesia en la capital del asesinato en Estados Unidos
La plantación de iglesias no es tarea fácil. Toda plantación de iglesias requiere fe, pero la «plantación en paracaídas», en la que los plantadores «saltan en paracaídas» a un lugar nuevo, partiendo de la nada y con pocos recursos o contactos, requiere un tipo especial de locura. Después de siete años de derramar nuestros corazones y almas en CityLife Church, una iglesia plantada en paracaídas en Wilmington, Carolina del Norte, mi esposo Mike y yo estábamos convencidos de que Dios nos estaba llamando a hacer algo diferente. Honestamente, creíamos que nos llamaba a las misiones. En retrospectiva, creo que lo estaba haciendo, sólo que no de la manera en que lo imaginábamos.
Esta vez, nuestro «sí» nos llevó a lo que en ese momento era la capital del asesinato de los Estados Unidos
Ninguno de los dos deseaba plantar otra iglesia, pero la idea de hacer algo nuevo nos entusiasmaba. Así que, casi al final de nuestro período en CityLife, dejamos que la emoción de algo nuevo se gestara dentro de nosotros, aunque no teníamos ni idea de lo que se avecinaba.
Durante ese tiempo, sucedieron un par de cosas que Dios usó para hablar a nuestros corazones. La familia Vanartsdalen, amigos cercanos de CityLife, nos comunicaron que se mudarían para ayudar a plantar otra iglesia con la Biblia Abierta (lea más sobre su historia aquí). Mientras celebrábamos lo que Dios estaba haciendo con nuestros amigos, se reavivó dentro de nosotros un sentimiento que habíamos olvidado. (¡Nunca subestimes cómo tu «sí» puede afectar al de otra persona!). Esa sensación era la emoción y la urgencia espiritual que viene con la plantación de iglesias. Ni Mike ni yo esperábamos volver a sentir esto, y nos sorprendió descubrir el deseo en nuestros corazones de plantar otra iglesia.
Después de una conversación con nuestro director regional de la Biblia Abierta, Nathan Hagan, todo cambió. Cuando le contamos nuestro deseo inicial, comenzó a pensar en algunas opciones diferentes para que las consideráramos. A ambos nos sorprendió esta idea: «Si ustedes estuvieran interesados en plantar otra iglesia en la región, tal vez podría ser en algún lugar como Nueva Orleans». Aunque Nathan mencionó otros lugares, el único que recordamos es el que se nos clavó enseguida en el corazón. Nueva Orleans: ¡se pronunció la palabra, y el Espíritu respondió!
Desde el comienzo de nuestro matrimonio, Mike y yo decidimos que diríamos «sí» a cualquier cosa que Dios nos llamara a hacer. Esta vez, nuestro «sí» nos llevó a lo que en ese momento era la capital del asesinato de los Estados Unidos: Nueva Orleans, Luisiana. Resulta sumamente difícil desarraigar a tu familia y tu vida, mudarte a cientos de kilómetros de distancia a un lugar donde no hay familia, amigos ni seguridad. A pesar de estos retos, decidimos vender muchas de nuestras pertenencias, cargamos lo que pudimos en un camión y un remolque, ¡y partimos hacia lo desconocido!
Tan pronto como comenzamos a trabajar, nos dimos cuenta de que esta ciudad, esta plantación y este llamado serían diferentes de todo lo que habíamos hecho hasta entonces. Casi inmediatamente después de mudarnos, nos enfrentamos con un triple homicidio a cuatro casas de la nuestra, me asaltaron violentamente a mano armada y apuntaron a nuestros hijos con un revólver mientras jugaban al aire libre en nuestro barrio. Tuvimos que hacer frente a circunstancias de las que la mayoría de la gente supondría que huiríamos, pero cuando sabes que el Señor te ha llamado a una tierra, tienes que confiar en que te protegerá y te hará prosperar en ella. El sufrimiento es parte del llamado; si no estamos dispuestos a sufrir por el llamado, no participaremos de toda su bendición. «En cambio, alégrense mucho, porque estas pruebas los hacen ser partícipes con Cristo de su sufrimiento, para que tengan la inmensa alegría de ver su gloria cuando sea revelada a todo el mundo.» (1 Pedro 4:13, NTV).
Volvamos atrás, cuando supimos definitivamente que nos íbamos a mudar, Mike se sentó con nuestros hijos y les pidió que le ayudaran a elaborar una lista de oración de las personas que «soñábamos» que formaran parte de nuestro equipo. Algunos de los nombres en la lista fueron guiados por el Espíritu, otros eran candidatos, pero todos eran personas que pensamos que podrían estar lo suficientemente locas como para considerar mudarse con nosotros.
Antes de mudarnos a Carolina del Norte para plantar nuestra primera iglesia, les habíamos dicho a nuestros amigos Greg y Tina que sentíamos que ellos debían ir con nosotros. Creo que Greg se rio de Mike cuando compartimos esto por primera vez, ¡pero ahora son los pastores de CityLife! De forma similar, teníamos otra pareja amiga en Ohio con la que nos comunicábamos por videochat mientras nos preparábamos para plantar la iglesia en Nueva Orleans. Les contamos que nos íbamos a mudar y les pedimos que consideraran orar para unirse a nosotros. Estuvieron de acuerdo en orar, ¡pero estoy seguro de que pensaron que estábamos locos!
Tuvimos que hacer frente a circunstancias de las que la mayoría de la gente supondría que huiríamos, pero cuando sabes que el Señor te ha llamado a una tierra, tienes que confiar en que te protegerá y te hará prosperar en ella.
Es asombroso ver cómo Dios trabaja en las vidas de las personas, moviendo sus corazones para ser parte de algo que requiere una cantidad increíble de fe. Ya han pasado dos años, y el pastor Eric y Lindsay Baker están en Nueva Orleans con nosotros poniendo sus manos en el arado. Se mudaron de un pueblo pequeño a una de las ciudades más desenfrenadas del mundo. Ellos y sus siete hijos dieron su «sí» al Señor, dejando todo lo que habían conocido. En dos ocasiones les han robado el vehículo y, sin embargo, aquí siguen. Además de los Baker, Dios nos envió a otra persona que estaba en nuestra lista de sueños/oración sin que ni siquiera tuviéramos que pedírselo; la madre de Mike, Lynne, se unió al equipo y ¡ahora vive justo al lado de nosotros!
Ahora, estamos muy emocionados de ver lo que Dios está haciendo en OHR City Church. «Ohr» es la palabra hebrea para «luz», y también significa «poner orden en medio del caos» (¡tan apropiado para esta ciudad!). Aunque casi nada ha salido como pensábamos, creemos que todo está saliendo exactamente como Dios lo diseñó.
En la actualidad nos reunimos todos los domingos por la noche en nuestra casa donde comemos, adoramos, soñamos, oramos y estudiamos juntos la Palabra de Dios. ¡Mientras que los adultos se reúnen en nuestra casa, los niños van a la casa de Mamá Lynne al lado! Nuestro equipo está creciendo, y todos nos estamos convirtiendo en una familia. Ninguno de nosotros sabe exactamente a dónde nos ha de llevar el Señor, ¡pero todos estamos dispuestos a descubrirlo!
¡Si sientes que Dios te está llamando a emprender algo, te animo a que des un paso de fe y le des tu «sí» a Dios!
Sobre la Autora
Cala Dickey
Mike y Cala Dickey son los pastores principales de la más reciente iglesia plantada por la Región Sureste de la Biblia Abierta, OHR City Church, en Nueva Orleans, Luisiana. Antes de ir al bayou, Mike y Cala plantaron CityLife Church en Wilmington, Carolina del Norte. Les apasiona ser pioneros y plantar iglesias en áreas que necesitan desesperadamente a Jesús. ¡La familia Dickey está emocionada por lo que Dios está haciendo a través de OHR City Church en Nueva Orleans! Para más información, visite Ohrcc.com.
In 2017, my husband Dyecol and I were asked to be the interim pastors of Word of Life Open Bible Church in Lehigh Acres, Florida. Little did we know that our two weeks as interim pastors would turn into seven years and counting. After accepting the call to be the permanent pastors, we moved to Lehigh in September, right after Hurricane Ivan had hit. There was no electricity in the city, and it felt like we were moving into darkness and chaos. I didn’t realize we were also moving into the rest of our lives.
Dyecol and I had never had children together. Shortly after our move to Lehigh, we saw a billboard for an adoption agency. Dyecol went to the agency’s office for more information, and it wasn’t long before we were taking a class on adoption. The instructor of the class emphasized how much greater our chances would be to adopt through fostering, and pretty soon we got our first call to foster a three-year-old girl named Isabella. I will never forget seeing that scared little girl walk through our doorway. I scooped her up in my arms, she laid her head on my shoulder, and my future was sealed.
We’d had Isabella for only a month when we got a call for a second little girl, Maria. Maria’s sister Ruby would join her a few months later, and not long after Ruby, we got a call for a fourth child, our first newborn. This baby was only six days old and had been born addicted to drugs. We were told her parents didn’t want her, and we became excited that this baby might become ours. We attached, weaned her off drugs, and she began to thrive. It was then that her biological father decided that he wanted her. As difficult as this was, it was further complicated by the fact that our hopes of adopting the other girls fell through around the same time. We were shattered. This taste of parenthood had convinced me that I wanted to be a mom again, but fostering was too difficult. I told myself, “Never ever again!” Until I got the next call.
Sometimes God walks you through a process of loss and then He dumps blessing on you when you least expect it.
“Ms. Walker, I have a little girl for you….”
“I don’t know, we’re taking a break.”
“Ms. Walker, I’m telling you, you’re going to want this little girl.”
(Deep Breath.) “Okay.”
Our case worker brought over this ten-year-old little girl with big old grandma glasses, fuzzy hair, and the cutest smile. That little girl walked into our lives, and she has changed us forever. Her name is Anna-Tae Walker, and she became our first adopted daughter. Two months later, we were introduced to our daughter Heavenly. We loved her from the moment we saw her. Sometimes you just know. I said to my husband, “She’s not leaving.” True to my word, Heavenly AND her brother Joshua became ours through adoption.
Sometimes God walks you through a process of loss and then He dumps blessing on you when you least expect it. I didn’t understand why we couldn’t have the first little girls we tried to adopt, but God said no. He knew who our kids were.
Despite my having three adopted children, I continued to take new placements. My first experiences fostering almost broke me, but as I continued to say “yes” to each new child, God reinforced my heart with His strength. Instead of shrinking with each loss, my heart grows bigger as I watch family reunifications. God has gifted me with the capacity to love and to lose.
One night as I was lying on my bed, the Lord gave me a word: “Walker’s House of Hope.” I told my husband, “This is what we’re going to name the house where we raise the children God brings to us.” We started praying, “Lord, if you give us a bigger house we will take more children.” At that time, we had seven children in a three-bedroom house. It wasn’t long before the Lord provided us with a four-bedroom house.
God has gifted me with the capacity to love and to lose.
I got the call almost immediately: “Ms. Walker, we have a sibling group of three.”
“You know I have seven children, right?”
“Yes, Ms. Walker, but you were born for this.”
Immediately the voice of the Lord came to me, reminding me of my prayer. He had given me a bigger house; I was obligated to fulfill my promise. So, we ran out and bought another bunk bed.
Today, we have ten children: three adopted and seven fostered. Every day after school, I hear ten voices at once, beautiful chaos. Each time I say aloud, “I have ten children,” I can’t believe it – not because it’s too much, but because it feels comfortable. When I dream about the future, I see myself with even more children, running around a big property and coming in to eat dinner around our huge kitchen table. I have found my calling, and I am believing for God to gift us with the house that’s as big as my heart.
I had a sign made that hangs in our current home: “Walker’s House of Hope.” When I look at it, I say to God, “This is not it. But this is it for now.”
Seven years ago, we moved to a city that was in chaos and darkness. Today, we live in a home of chaos and light. And as I look around my busy kitchen table, I have never been more excited about the rest of my life.
About the Author
Taneasha Walker
Taneasha Walker is currently co-pastoring Word of Life Open Bible Church in Lehigh Acres, Florida, with her husband Dyecol. She serves on the Southeast Regional Board as an At- Large member. Taneasha has gained experience in every area of ministry, using this knowledge to effectively care for the local church body as well as the children that have been entrusted to her. She is passionate about prayer, utilizing it in every endeavor. In her free time, Taneasha’s hobbies include reading, singing, and traveling.
