5 Things
Five Ways to Fight Fair
By Chad Davidson
Who doesn’t love a good argument?! Or maybe you avoid that type of discussion altogether. Verbal sparring might be your cup of tea if you are quick on your feet and love to be right. Others genuinely fear any conversations that are remotely controversial. Like it or not, you can’t avoid getting into a proverbial “fist fight” with words. In our culture, nothing is off the table, whether it be sex, religion, politics, social issues, marriage, or children.
But here’s the thing: many in our society have lost the capacity to meaningfully engage one another in civil conversation. We are often left witnessing extreme means of communication playing out. It’s usually the “debate team champ” tactic or the passive aggressive method. But I have also observed what I call the “I can’t even agree to disagree” approach (i.e., conflict avoidance).
What is conflict avoidance? It is nothing new, but I would suggest there has been a slight spin on this method. It simply means you are NOT allowed to point out that any obvious conflicting positions might be wrong. Everything is simply seen as subjectively true. Thank you, post-modernism! This approach is common in my secular college classroom. As much as I enjoy my students’ discussions, it is unbearable to read some of their comments to one another as they twist themselves into ideological pretzels in order to avoid offending one of their fellow students by disagreeing with them. What I have discovered, and you probably have too, is that challenging someone’s deeply held ideological beliefs is seen as the equivalent of attacking the person. This is an evident cultural shift ingrained in the minds of our young people especially. So, how do we reverse this trend? How do we engage in “constructive” and not “destructive” conversations?
Great questions! I do my best to encourage my students to learn how to have civil dialogue even when their worldviews disagree. So how do we do this?
- Challenge the ideas, NOT the person. For instance, use “I” statements that convey your thoughts and concerns about the issue rather than saying, “Your ideas are wrong.” And while this may be easier said than done, remember, your ideological opponents are made in God’s image and are worthy of respect.
- Make sure to listen. You might remember a passage in James 1 that says something like, “be quick to speak and slow to listen.…” Oops, no, that’s how we usually do it. It actually reads “be slow to speak and quick to listen” (James 1:19). Humor aside, truly listening conveys to the speaker that you genuinely want to understand what he or she is saying. And who knows, he might return the favor when it’s your turn to share!
- BE PREPARED TO GIVE AN ANSWER, one that conveys humility and openness to hearing contrary positions. The belief that your arguments are irrefutable conveys an air of superiority, not a desire to learn other viewpoints. (By the way, this attitude will be evident to your listener, and more than likely, he or she will “check out” of the discussion.) 1 Peter 3:15 provides some insight into how NOT to do this. The next point naturally follows.
- ADMIT YOU MIGHT BE WRONG. Conceding the match is, well, hard …. Even so, if your intended goal is to be “always” right, you’ve lost already – not the argument, the person. The goal is to win the person, not the argument. Jesus is our exemplar on this point, and the Apostle Paul illustrates this concept powerfully in Philippians 2. Bottom line: you need to think of others as better than yourself.
- BE GENUINE. As the saying goes: “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” This is incredibly true. You are intuitively aware of this fact but forget about it in the heat of verbal sparring. In the end, you will most likely NOT convince your listener with the “profundity” of your arguments. BUT, if he or she sees that you genuinely care about them and what they are saying, you might just win the person. “Love your enemies! Do good to them” (Luke 6:35, NLT). Need I say more?
We are in a culture war, politically and socially. We see it all around us. We agonize over the direction of our culture and the long-term implications of what might become of our country. The ideological divides are growing, and NO one wants to listen. We may be right, but the real work is done one on one, face to face with our neighbors, co-workers, friends, and family members. We need to have genuine conversations where we share each other’s concerns, passions, and frustrations. As followers of Jesus, we can LEAD the way. We can set the bar for meaningful conversation where people can be truly heard, loved on, and potentially persuaded – not necessarily to our political views, but to our JESUS. This is where change can happen. We need only to venture into the murky waters of difficult conversations in our schools, churches, workplaces, and social groups to make it happen. But wait, when you do, make sure to always FIGHT FAIR!
About the Author
Chad Davidson is a member of the pastoral leadership team at Fort Des Moines Church of the Open Bible in Des Moines, Iowa, where he has served in a variety of capacities. For the past eleven years, Chad has taught world religions at Des Moines Area Community College and William Penn University. He also enjoys teaching at Harvest Bible College in Des Moines. Aside from his teaching and pastoral duties, Chad also runs a small handyman business. He has a genuine passion to see believers grow in their Christian worldview and feels it is imperative to challenge ourselves not only spiritually, but also intellectually. In doing so, he believes we will be able to effectively articulate the relevancy of the Gospel and build bridges of conversation that lead people to the life-changing message of Jesus.
Open Bible has a rich heritage of women ministry leaders. Our denomination was birthed in revival and formed by the union of two movements that branched off from other denominations founded and led by women (Florence Crawford and Aimee Semple McPherson). Open Bible’s position on women in ministry leadership celebrates women leaders at all levels. However, even with this rich history and current blessing for women in ministry leadership, it is still rare to find women in certain ministry positions within our churches. There are multiple reasons for this, but here are five actions to consider when addressing this issue.
1. Look at your own biases.
Most often, women aren’t chosen for senior leadership roles because “it hasn’t been done before.” Tradition can be a powerful force, but sometimes it keeps important change from happening. Ask yourself how you would feel if a woman were chosen as the senior pastor of your church. Chances are it might feel awkward. Awkward doesn’t always mean it’s wrong. It usually means it’s just different. This awkwardness is often temporary, and the willingness to lean into it can create new opportunities for women to lead. When a ministry leadership position opens, allow yourself to consider both women and men as candidates for the position.
2. Study what Scripture says about women leaders.
The Old and New Testaments are full of women who played important leadership roles at all levels. Look at the influence and level of authority they were given. Study the “problem passages” (e.g. 1 Corinthians 14:34 and 1 Timothy 2:12) in Scripture that appear to limit women teaching and speaking. Some reputable scholars and commentaries show how these passages were meant to address specific problems that the early church dealt with rather than become an overall rule limiting women in leadership. If you are a church leader, clearly communicate your church’s position on women in ministry leadership. Too often, this topic is ignored, keeping the status quo going.
3. Champion women leaders.
Encourage women, young and old, who have the gift to lead. Mentor them. Hire them. It is a blessing when a woman unselfishly cheers on another woman in her leadership; too often, there’s a temptation to be jealous or deliver harsh criticism, which leads to hesitance in stepping into leadership. It’s especially impactful when a male leader encourages and makes room for a woman to lead. Giving the same opportunities to women that would be given to men who are learning to lead is so important. Too often it is rare to have a young woman given time on stage or other public responsibilities while such opportunities are given to the men who are being trained. Try to be equal where you can. Make room for inexperience and give repeated opportunities to learn and grow.
4. Preach about strong women leaders in the Bible.
Scripture is filled with women leaders such as Miriam, Hannah, Esther, Deborah, Mary, and Priscilla. Highlighting their lives shows how God’s leadership gifts are given to both men and women. This encourages women leaders and gives them biblical role models.
5. Nurture a culture of leadership sharing.
Many times, the church hears from one pastor’s voice most of the time. Regularly sharing the pulpit creates space where leaders in training can experience public ministry. Allowing both men and women to preach helps your congregation become accustomed to both male and female leadership, creating a bench of players who can be trained to assist at all levels of church leadership. This keeps the church from idolizing or draining one leader and allows more people’s gifts to be shared.
The Church, the Bride of Christ, functions more fully when men and women work side by side in leadership. When women’s voices and leadership gifts are ignored or limited, half of the Church’s voice is muted. However, when men and women unselfishly share leadership and influence, God’s kingdom moves forward powerfully. This unselfish sharing of leadership reflects God’s nature more fully, creating a space where the Holy Spirit can come and powerfully move.
Additional resources:
- Open Bible Manual – Official Statements 7.6: The Role of Women in Ministry and Leadership (p. 89)
- Open Bible Webinar: Women in Ministry Leadership: Answering God’s Call
- Book to help with biblical theology of women in ministry leadership: God’s Women Then and Now by Deborah M. Gill and Barbara Cavaness.
About the Author
Julie Cole
Julie Cole is the Associate Director of Spiritual Formation and Soul Care at The King’s University in Southlake, TX. She’s a licensed marriage and family therapist, spiritual director, and an ordained minister. Julie desires to inspire people to hear God’s voice and to see His hand in both the big and small experiences of life. Julie and her husband, David, live in Fort Worth, Texas, and have four children and eight grandchildren with two more on the way in 2025.
Years ago, I took the StrengthsFinder Assessment, which is designed to help a person understand their top gifts. “Achiever” fell at the top of my list, and I found myself feeling uncomfortable with this result. I wrestled with my uneasiness, unsure why I felt this way until God began to unlock my understanding. From the time I was young, I had built my life to be full to the brim, accumulating a long resume of accomplishments, none of which brought me satisfaction. Instead, God placed a hunger inside of me to be marked by the supernatural. One definition of supernatural is “above, beyond, and far higher and greater than the natural.” I longed to see things that exceeded what I could do through my own achievements and to witness the power of God in my daily life.
God placed a hunger inside of me to be marked by the supernatural.
Since that time, God has taught me to forsake striving and performance, instead discovering His will and wisdom by walking in friendship with Him. Even more than before, my heart yearns to experience ministry moments that inspire awe of our magnificent God. Our team had the honor of experiencing some of these moments during our summer of outreach at Asbury Park. As I share our story, I’ll also share the five lessons we learned through reaching our neighborhood.
1. We can partner with God to see His desires fulfilled.
We were gathered for our regular weekly prayer meeting when God said, “I want this neighborhood. Will you make My name great at Asbury Park?” We felt the weight of this invitation. For a year, we had been hosting neighbors in the basement of our ministry house for weekly dinners. Dozens had found community and a sense of belonging in that space. Some had already met Jesus, but He wanted us to cast the net further. No one on our team had imagined taking our Thursday night dinners out to the park for the summer. But God had heard our cry: “God, you get to do whatever is in your heart to do. We pray your will be done in this region and that Jesus would be glorified.” And that day, He gave us another piece of His blueprint for our region.
2. We don’t have to strive.
Naturally, we looked at the invitation from God and imagined possibilities of how to gather the community at our neighborhood park. We considered the successes of past events that utilized raffle and prize incentives or entertainment such as bounce houses. We went back to prayer and God revealed more of His plan to us. He wanted it simple. As we prayed, He gave us visions of the stations in the park: crafts themed to tell the story of creation, food to fill bellies, a field with kids carefree and playing, bold worship, and a baptismal. He said to get ready for people to be saved and baptized!
May we all live in daily expectation of the things that are beyond what we could do in our own ability, partnering with God and watching His fame spread across the earth.
3. God has a storehouse of provision.
Although God’s plan was relatively simple, we did not have the finances or workers to pull off this vision of taking dinners to the park every other week throughout the summer. God impressed upon us that He would be faithful to provide everything we needed to serve the community in this way. We chose to embrace His plan with faith that He would make a way.
4. God loves collaboration.
God brilliantly inspired us to reach out to many individuals and groups, inviting them to partner with us in reaching the Five Points Neighborhood in Toledo. Over a dozen churches were represented by the participants who filled volunteer slots and donated food and supplies. The greater Body of Christ truly came together, unified around Jesus and His mission.
5. Love + Power + Gospel = Jesus gets His reward
When our dinners first launched at the ministry base in 2023, God gave us a foundational verse to build upon:
“Walk continually in love [that is, value one another—practice empathy and compassion, unselfishly seeking the best for others], just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and sacrifice to God [slain for you, so that it became] a sweet fragrance” (Ephesians 5:2 AMP).
God desired for this aroma to rise to Heaven, the smell of a people walking in sacrificial love. And so, His people took that love to the park. We shared the good news that Jesus gave His life so that all could be saved, healed, and delivered. Many accepted the invitation to receive this gift from Jesus, giving their lives to Him. People experienced healing in their bodies and freedom from bondage. Many encountered the power of the Holy Spirit in a personal way. Twenty-four people chose to follow Jesus through water baptism!
God rained down this summer on Asbury Park. It was His plan, His provision, His glory. It was Jesus’ reward. May we all live in daily expectation of the things that are beyond what we could do in our own ability, partnering with God and watching His fame spread across the earth.
About the Author
Sarah Williams
Sarah Williams and her husband, George, have been in ministry together since they were married in 2006. They began their journey as urban missionaries, which led to planting and co-pastoring CityLight Church. In 2016, Sarah founded the Transformation Center, where she and her team have helped hundreds of people find wholeness and freedom. Sarah’s passion is for Jesus to receive His reward through salvation, healing, and deliverance. The team at the Transformation Center welcomes ministers to book a stay to receive personal ministry or to visit and partner with them in reaching their community.
Every student should have an opportunity to encounter Jesus beyond the walls of a church. Most students further their relationship with Christ at special events like church camps or mission trips. But the reality of these intentional events is that they cost money, and sometimes a lot of money, for our students. Money should never be the reason a student doesn’t get to experience Jesus in a new way. Fundraising can be daunting for a youth pastor, but it doesn’t have to be! We have found that there are some consistent keys to make fundraising enjoyable, successful, and a blessing to the community.
- Diversify your fundraising sources.
Sometimes it is difficult to fundraise because it feels like we are asking the same people repeatedly to donate. When planning which types of fundraisers you’re going to do each year, make sure the fundraisers draw from various sources and audiences.
- Have a fundraiser that focuses on church engagement, allowing church members to bless the youth (e.g. Dessert Auction, Work Project, Bingo Night).
- Have a fundraiser that draws from the local community. These might offer a service that people in your community need or enjoy (e.g. Car Wash, Flower Basket Sales, Corn Hole Tournament, Restaurant Coupons).
- Have a fundraiser that draws from parents. They are going to have to pay for a portion of the event cost, so you might as well offer something to them in exchange for their investment
.(e.g. Dunk Tank to dunk students or youth leaders, Date Night with babysitting at the church).
- Lastly, have a fundraiser that casts a wide net and engages high numbers of people. You never know who will want to support you or who will want to help you network (e.g. Call/Text-A-Thon).
- Make fundraisers fun for students!
The worst thing ever is when leaders or parents are doing all the work to fundraise for their students. When we make fundraisers fun, students will want to show up and do the work. Here are two of our favorites as examples:
- Wing-A-thon: We have a local chicken shack that makes incredible wings, and they allow us to come in and eat unlimited wings for an hour. Students must collect sponsors to pay them for each wing they can eat. There are “Wing Refs” that ensure students eat all the meat off the bone, there is trivia for spectators, and prizes are awarded based on most wings eaten, fewest wings eaten, spiciest basket finished, surprise competitor, etc. We even let family members eat on behalf of students to encourage everyone to participate (sponsors just need to know it is Dad eating the wings and not a 12-year-old).
- Dunk Tank Fundraiser: Every year at our summer baptism service, we spend a couple hundred bucks and rent a dunk tank. People can pay ten dollars for three chances to dunk the student of their choice, and at the end we do a bidding war for people to be able to dunk each of our staff pastors. You’d be surprised how high some of these bids can get!
- Utilize business sponsorships.
Business sponsorships are typically in larger amounts than contributions from individual donors, and they can serve multiple purposes. These funds can be used to make fundraiser events better by allowing you to purchase prizes, decor, or props. They can cover costs (like paying for everyone to eat unlimited wings so it doesn’t count against the student fundraising). They can go towards travel expenses to help drive down event costs. Any leftover funds can be offered to students who have a harder time fundraising. One perk of a church being a non–profit is we can provide businesses with tax donation forms for anything they give. Additionally, engaging these businesses fosters community partnership.
Money should never be the reason a student doesn’t get to experience Jesus in a new way. Fundraising can be daunting for a youth pastor, but it doesn’t have to be!
- Allow fundraisers to be outreach opportunities.
Fundraisers are wonderful opportunities to invite people into church environments. Encourage students to invite their friends and family to come support at fundraising events. Encourage leadership to attend fundraisers to socialize and build new relationships. Find ways to pray at the event, share testimonies, and model the gospel.
- Overpromote!
Utilize every platform you have in promoting your fundraisers. Make them a Facebook event, post them on your organization’s website, post social media stories that students and parents can share, create graphics for church announcements and printed fliers, send emails via your church database, and have fundraising nights where you sit down with your students to help them write and send out support letters. Lastly, never assume a student will fill their guardians in on what is going on. Always individually connect with parents and give them the information directly.
Fundraising does take work and intentionality, but it is so worth it. Instead of focusing on the money, keep the focus on Christ. He will provide in a perfect and timely manner. Philippians 4:19 says, “And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus” (NIV). Plan with intention, but have fun with your students, church, and community as you equip these students for an awesome opportunity to experience Jesus!
About the Author
Aaron and Christine McAndrews
Aaron and Christine McAndrews both grew up in Thurston, Oregon, and love the people there like family. They serve at Waypoint Community Church as youth pastors and volunteer with Young Life. Aaron attended Fuller Theological Seminary for his Master of Divinity, and Christine attended the University of Oregon for her Bachelor of Arts in education. Aaron serves as a US Army Chaplain for the Oregon National Guard, and Christine is an educator in a local elementary school. Both have a heart to serve the youth in their community.
