No One Ever Told Me
No One Ever Told Me: I Need You
By Nicole Kerr
I was having a conversation with some friends the other day and a statement came up that has become all too familiar: “I just don’t feel connected anymore.” I don’t know how many times over the past year I’ve heard this sentiment expressed. The last few years have taken the “Etch A Sketch” of our lives and shaken it up until we don’t recognize up from down. Our lives before the pandemic may not have been masterpieces, but we had them drawn out with familiar lines that for the most part we were comfortable with. Now that is all gone. We lost connection.
The pandemic left many of us longing for the connections that we took for granted for so long. Whether it was our routine with work, the flow of the school year, time with friends, or holidays with family, none of it is the same. Along with all of that, our relationship with church has been affected more than we would like to admit. For me it has been hard to get back into the swing of things after being away. I’ve noticed a significant reshuffling of faces. People I was used to seeing each week are no longer there, replaced by new faces I don’t recognize. I don’t feel connected.
I need to come clean about something. I naturally lean towards introversion, so I was living my best life when everything shut down and I rarely needed to go anywhere or see anyone. Coming back to church with people I didn’t know felt like starting from scratch. It takes significant energy for me to step out of my comfort zone and talk to people I barely know. It would be so much easier to just stay home and continue watching church online. It would be less stressful to stay home on Monday nights instead of rushing from work in order to travel across town to pick up our kids, drive to our home outside of town to pack a quick dinner that we can eat in the car, and get back to town in time for our community group. But I need to be connected.
You would think that when God created Adam in His own image that Adam would have been complete. But God saw that it was not good for man to be alone, so He created Eve. God designed the couple to be co-laborers that could carry out God’s mandates in complementary ways. Having community and being on mission with like-hearted people was God’s plan from the beginning.
Paul teaches in 1 Corinthians 12 that all believers have different spiritual gifts. We are not the same, but we are all part of the same body. One part can’t function as it was designed without the others. The fall of Adam and Eve led to division. We too often think we can do it all on our own, or we choose to be in community with people who look, think, and act like us, but these are poor ways to grow.
I need my community of other parents with young kids to encourage me and help me navigate the trials of toddlerhood. I need people whose lives look like mine who are going through what I am going through so I know that I am not alone. But I also need you.
I need my pastor who hears from God differently than I do and can speak truth to me in ways I may have never thought about. I need that freshman student who helps out in the pre-school class on Sundays and can entertain my three-year-old ball of energy for an hour so I can participate in service. I need the couple on stage who come with different life experiences to help lead me in worship every week. I need the man who sits on the other side of the sanctuary from me with his hands always lifted in worship despite his cancer diagnosis. I need the empty nesters who make themselves available to love on my kids when my husband and I desperately need a date night. I need other women who can come alongside me and pray for and with me and encourage me. I need you.
Now I am going to give myself some advice so that I can get reconnected, and hopefully you will find it helpful as well.
- Make yourself available. If you tend to run out of church immediately after the final amen, try sticking around for a while. Volunteer for a ministry where you interact with other people. Join a small group/community group. You can’t make connections if you don’t make yourself available.
- Ask for help. People like to feel needed. One of the best ways to form a connection with someone is to let them fill a need that you may have.
- Be a connector. No one likes to enter a conversation that is already taking place, so if you are having a conversation with a friend and you see someone standing nearby, invite them over and fill them in on your conversation.
- Pray. Ask God to show you ways you can get connected back to your local church and fellow believers.
We need you!
About the Author
Nicole Kerr received her marketing degree from Drake University in Des Moines, Iowa, and currently serves as the Executive Assistant to Open Bible President Randall A. Bach. Her family’s mission is to minister to future generations and help them become leaders and people of influence. Nicole enjoys spending time with her husband, Aaron, and two energetic boys, Benaiah and Jonathan, and writing about what GOD is speaking to her as she is being stretched and refined in each season of life.
It’s easy to get excited about beginnings: the birth of something new, the start of a fresh place. But we often forget that both the beginning and end have a purpose. Finishing matters.
I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, and I have remained faithful.
2 Tim. 4:17 NLT
What a beautiful reminder that we are not running this race to win; we are running to finish. Friend, God has positioned you in this time and given you specific gifts and talents to serve Him. Your race is now and it’s important. You’ve been handed the baton of faith and entrusted to carry it forward as you run your part in God’s divine relay. Here are some reminders as you run your race:
Train to endure
Do you remember what it’s like to run when you haven’t run in a long time? When you’re so out of shape that you can’t even run one mile without stopping several times to catch your breath? I am reminded of the intense training marathon runners go through. They train day by day, putting one foot in front of the other. Eventually, they can run many miles without stopping. This is because they build endurance and gradually adapt, allowing their bodies to train for the long haul. They don’t just train their bodies for endurance, but they also fuel their bodies properly to run the race. They change how they eat so their muscles can heal and rebound between runs, and they also store enough energy so they can function properly.
Like that of a marathon runner, your race requires proper training, nutrition, and self-discipline. It’s not just about the output but also about the input. God’s Word strengthens you and sustains you through your journey, and prayer and intimacy are where you rest, fuel, and receive the supernatural power of healing to continue.
Throw it off
I remember many times during a walk or a run when I realized I had a tiny rock in my shoe. Sure, I tried to ignore it, but until I took off my shoe to get rid of that little rock, it was impossible to focus on anything else. If not dealt with, the rock could rub my foot raw, cause wounds, or even worse, cost me the race. We all have things we need to throw off or get rid of.
In the book of Hebrews we are challenged, “Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us” (Heb. 12:1 NIV).
Maybe you’re in a season of transition in your race and the terrain is looking a little different. Just remember, how you leave a season will impact how you enter the next. If you leave offended, you start defensive. If you finish weak, you start fragile. If you leave healthy, you start strong. You are still running the race; what you pick up in one season is often carried into the next. Travel lightly! You cannot go where you are going without leaving where you have been. Once you’ve thrown off what you should not be holding on to, you are free to grasp new batons. Consider the power of carrying these batons into new places rather than dragging along the heaviness of old priorities, hurts and resentments, or sins and scars.
Rest
You cannot go where you are going without leaving where you have been.
Rest is vitally important when running the race. Sometimes to finish well, you need to rest. While you rest, Jesus moves. I have experienced amazing seasons of rest when I have seen God work in miraculous ways. A season of rest is just a season of catching your breath! There are seasons when you need to run, and then there are seasons when you need to stop and breathe… and that is okay. Some experiences are going to bruise you or knock the wind out of you. When that happens, take a moment and catch your breath. Remember, it’s not about winning the race – finishing is what matters!
Rest, if done properly, allows you to examine the reasons for your tiredness and relinquish what is not yours to carry. The trials, challenges, disappointments, obstacles, and hurdles you face as you run will naturally impact you. It’s not easy to go the distance, is it? The battles can be fiercer and the terrain rockier than you anticipated. Maybe, as you read this, your lungs feel like they are going to burst, and your muscles are burning because you didn’t know this would be so hard. Yet here you are, determined and locking eyes with the One who has numbered your days. Train to endure, throw off all that burdens you, and rest when needed. Keep your eyes on Jesus and finish well!
About the Author
Sarah Holsapple
Sarah Holsapple serves on staff at her church in Cedar Rapids, IA, as the Creative & Spiritual Development Director. She serves alongside her husband of almost 20 years, Pastor Harris, who is the Lead Pastor at First Open Bible. Sarah has been teaching and preaching for several years. She’s passionate about discipleship and women’s ministry and served as the Regional Women’s Director for Open Bible Central Region. One of her favorite things in life is being a mom to her two incredible children, Hudson and Lynnley Jo.
The last several years for Sarah have been the hardest of her life. She truly knows the depths of heartbreak and what it feels like to wrestle through healing. She has seen God move in miraculous ways and has experienced great comfort in knowing that we serve a faithful God. Sarah feels great joy in sharing encouragement from the word of God, seeing lives changed and people set free!
Sometimes leaders come in unexpected packages.
Toward the beginning of 2023, I had three separate conversations with three different women in our church. Each of them brought up in one way or another that they desired to learn how to write a sermon.
Not exactly the emerging leaders I was looking for.
From a strategic perspective, I’ve always been encouraged to invest in younger leaders. Not that the older generation is unimportant, but it does makes sense that with limited time and resources, we should focus on raising up those emerging leaders who will be able to influence people for Jesus for decades to come. So, what was I supposed to do with these three women? Two have grandkids and all three are old enough to get a discount on their breakfast at IHOP.
There were younger people in the church I wanted to develop. There were other leaders to which I thought it would be smarter to devote my time. But after praying, I couldn’t shake it: God was clearly asking me to invest in these women.
Before long, I was meeting with the group in an upstairs classroom at the church, teaching them my approach to sermon development (an approach influenced by both Andy Stanley’s Communicating for a Change, and my dad, who is one of the best preachers I know).
When God leads me to people I wouldn’t normally gravitate to, invest anyway. When it’s surprising and seems to contradict my leadership strategy books, invest anyway.
They each completed the three-month-long class last fall, having written a sermon of their own. Each of their sermons reflected countless hours of prayer, Bible study, writing and re-writing and re-writing again. Now, whether they share at a mid-week service, a special event, or a Sunday morning, they each have a message burning in their hearts that they are ready to preach.
I am excited to see what comes next for them. But I’m also walking away with a new resolve: I want to invest where God is calling me to invest.
When God leads me to people I wouldn’t normally gravitate to, invest anyway. When it’s surprising and seems to contradict my leadership strategy books, invest anyway.
If you look at who Jesus called and invested in, His choices surely shocked a lot of people. When you look at who I was when He chose me, that was pretty shocking too. I’m so grateful Jesus didn’t cater to the opinions of others and chose me anyway. I’m also thankful for ministry leaders like my dad, my mentor Steve Moore, and my long-time pastor Gary Khan. When God prompted them, and even when my potential was hard to see, they invested anyway.
Levi Thompson
Levi Thompson serves as the lead pastor at Desert Streams Church in Canyon Country, CA. Following a life-changing encounter with God at 17, Levi became passionate about facilitating transformative experiences with God for others and inspiring them to pursue their God-given destinies. Levi enjoys sharing life’s adventures and the ministry journey with his wife, Katie, and their two children, Noah (13) and Mia (8).
By LeAnna McIntyre
I have always enjoyed the story of Esther from the Bible, an unexpected hero for her people. An orphan girl just living her life, Esther found herself appointed queen of a whole kingdom. She exposed an evil plot, and because of that her people were saved.
However, I did not relate much to this orphan girl in my younger years, and I don’t know how much I even tried. I am no queen. I simply was raised in a Christian home with parents who loved the Lord. I loved God and wanted to serve Him. I remember crying to my mom when I was young because we had heard a beautiful testimony of a woman whom God had rescued from drug addiction, and I didn’t know how my testimony could show God’s love that powerfully.
I tried to fly under the radar. I am a wife of twenty-eight years to a wonderful husband. For years I was a stay-at-home, homeschool mother to four boys. I volunteered at our church in youth ministry, worship, and kids’ ministries. I just loved people and loved God.
I attended Pacific Region’s Discover Ministry School simply because I wanted to serve better and know God in a deeper way. I had spent more of my life feeling insecure than confident. Pastoring was not something for which I was aiming. But when the opportunity came to lead our church, God gave me a passion for His Word and a love for the people in our community. I jumped in, afraid but wanting to do what God had for me. I am now surrounded by people who encourage me and support me, and God is doing great things at our church.
At first, many people quoted to me Mordecai’s words to Esther: “Who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?” (Esther 4:14, NIV). And then someone told me that I had said “yes” when others said “no.”
The insecurity in my mind told me that somehow I became the pastor only because others said no, and without realizing it, I believed I was God’s “Plan “B,” a backup plan because “Plan A” didn’t work out. I didn’t know any other female lead pastors to look to, so I questioned every decision I made and yet tried to trust God to work out this backup plan toward His good.
Now He is showing me that I am His Plan A for the call He has on my life. It’s a crazy thought, but I am coming to know and walk in it. I have learned a few things happen when you understand that you are God’s Plan A.
First, you begin to look toward Him in a new way. If I am God’s plan A, that means He put me here. I am not an afterthought. Jeremiah 29:11 tells us that He knows the plans He has for us. His plans are not for our harm, but rather to give us a hope and a future.
Sometimes we read that verse and forget that the hope of that plan coming about comes from God as well. So, we must get close to Him, close enough to hear His heartbeat and recognize His voice. When things do not open up like we think they should, when they don’t come as fast as we would like, being close to Him keeps us from bitterness because we are not shaken by the things of this world. We are led by Him.
Second, our boxing gloves come off. When you understand you are God’s Plan A for the purposes He has for you, you do not have to fight for that position. God is the one who called you; people did not give you that call. If you are called by Him, He will open doors and close doors as He sees fit. I do not want to walk through any door that He did not open. We must be careful to guard our hearts and not let bitterness or frustration motivate us to kick doors down or throw a fit in the hallway as we wait on Him. Proverbs 4:23 says, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Everything flows from what is in our hearts. What kind of ministry or purpose will you walk out if you get frustrated and start punching down doors? One that is grown from a place of bitterness will not speak Jesus to the nations or even our neighbors. God’s timing is perfect, so we need to follow that timing to truly walk out the purposes He has for us.
Esther trusted God in the process. She was in the palace; she was queen; but she was just herself. You do not see her fighting anyone or forwarding her agenda. When she was told of the plot to kill her people, she fasted and prayed and instructed others to do so as well. She could have tried to kick down the door of the throne room, but without God’s favor and timing in that moment, she would have died. She was careful to be led by God. She was obedient to His voice even in the timing.
What I wish I would have known earlier is that we are all a little like Esther. We are all being raised up for “such a time as this.” God could have put us anywhere in the timeline of the earth, and He chose now. We are God’s Plan A for this place in time. We get to walk in obedience, get close to Him, and watch Him work out the good purposes He has for us. I cannot wait to see what He has in store next!
About the Author
LeAnna McIntyre serves at The Bridge Open Bible Church in Eugene, Oregon, where she has been lead pastor for the past two and one-half years. She has been married to her husband, Scott, for twenty-eight years and is the mother of four boys. LeAnna is passionate about prayer and worship and loving people well.
To listen to LeAnna’s interview with President Randall Bach about her journey from fellow church member to lead pastor, go to Better Roads-LeAnna McIntyre
