Spotlight
Don’t Say No for Them
By Nate Beaird
I can’t remember who gave me this advice, but it’s served me well: “Don’t say no for someone else.” In life we say “no” for people all the time. We do it whenever we are so sure someone will say no to a request we might have that we don’t even bother to ask. We convince ourselves that the other person will refuse our request or maybe even be offended by it, so we never ask. As a result, that great idea, opportunity, event, or possibility never happens.
It won’t always work out for you, but I can’t even tell you how many times simply asking (or proposing an offer) has worked in my favor. In my last couple “real” jobs I would regularly suggest ideas to our team that would involve other people helping us achieve a goal. At first I was met with skepticism that other people (specifically professionals outside our non-profit organization) would oblige. I would say, “Don’t say no for them. This [proposal] is the best solution, so I will ask. If they say no, we’ll go to plan B.” More times than not, we were surprised at people’s willingness to help us.
As an example, when I worked in the national office for Open Bible Churches, we would schedule planning meetings for the upcoming issues of the Message of the Open Bible. High quality photos are key to a good user experience in the media, so we needed high resolution images to accompany articles. For one issue we needed a cover-worthy photo of a person from another city who was the subject of one of our articles, but we didn’t have the budget to fly a full-time photographer to the site and do a shoot. I floated the idea that we search online for a photographer located in that person’s city who we thought fit our style and needs, and then ask him or her if they would be interested in providing us our needed photo. They would get credit in print, a copy of the print magazine with their featured photo, and a charitable donation receipt for the value of their photo shoot.
Every time I feel the Lord leading me to do something different, seemingly crazy or intimidating, I remember that He has already gone before me. If He has genuinely called me, He’ll pick up my slack. Not only that, but (catch this part) He has gone before me to cultivate the hearts and minds of those I will encounter in this new scary thing He’s asked me to do.
On the surface this proposal seemed crazy. Even my coworkers, who were not closed-minded people by any means, weren’t sure it would work. I wasn’t either. However, I didn’t want to say no for an aspiring photographer that would love to have a cover photo, or a successful photographer that needed the tax write-off, or just another Christian that wanted to use his or her gifts for the Kingdom. We would still pay them our allotted budget even if it was just a token of appreciation, not nearly what the photo was worth.
It worked!
We did it several more times. As we communicated with the photographers, it became clear that God had gone before us to prepare them for our request. He cultivated their hearts and minds before our crazy request was ever sent. As a result, more people outside our normal sphere of influence learned about Open Bible and what God was doing through our churches and people, and we obtained quality photography. Can it be true that God works on our behalf to gain favor with others? The answer is yes! Let us not forget that GOD IS FOR US! The Bible is packed with stories about God working in other people’s hearts to bless His people.
One great example is when Nehemiah asked King Artaxerxes to grant him permission not only to take leave to journey home for months, but also to be granted safe passage with royal escort through all the neighboring territories. Then – this is my favorite – he requested that the keeper of the king’s forests would give him the necessary lumber to rebuild the walls of Jerusalem. Free building materials (Nehemiah 2:4-8)! In retrospect, my asking an Instagram photographer to do a short photoshoot doesn’t seem like that big of a deal. Do you think the Lord had been softening the king’s heart toward Nehemiah? No doubt Nehemiah was a good worker and honorable man, but how many times have good workers and honorable men been overlooked? No, God cultivated the heart of the king for years to eventually honor Nehemiah’s request. Every time I feel the Lord leading me to do something different, seemingly crazy or intimidating, I remember that He has already gone before me. If He has genuinely called me, He’ll pick up my slack. Not only that, but (catch this part) He has gone before me to cultivate the hearts and minds of those I will encounter in this new scary thing He’s asked me to do. We’ve all been humbled along the way when we realize how silly we were to put God in a box. Every time I think of that advice I was given years ago, I remember that I have no idea what God has been doing in the background. He’s a master chess player, and He’s probably been setting me up for years without my knowledge. He probably even put that desire in my heart to ask in the first place. So I trust that He is for me, He’s gone ahead, and the doors are already open – not because of anything I’ve done, but because of His goodness and faithfulness. Thankfully for me, He factored in my stupidity. Shame on me for ever doubting the Creator of the Universe. So maybe there’s a permission-giver standing in the way of something you feel God is calling you to do. Here’s some advice we can learn from Nehemiah:
1. Pray.
When Nehemiah learned of the wall’s condition, he repented and prayed. He repented for the Israelites’ actions and practiced humility. It was not until the very last line of the prayer that he asked for God to give him favor with the King, something God had been cultivating for years for this purpose without either the king’s or Nehemiah’s knowledge (Nehemiah 1:4-11).
2. Make a plan for the permission-giver.
Nehemiah considered how long his trip would take, the lands he would have to travel through safely, and how he would have to rebuild the wall once he got there. He crafted a plan BEFORE he ever had the chance to ask the king so that he was ready for the opportunity. No doubt the plan sounded crazy, but you would have to think that the king appreciated the forethought that formed the plan. The king liked Nehemiah, but the sound plan might have sealed the deal. In our photographer illustration, we presented the photographers with a plan that could be a win-win for both of us. We didn’t leave it up to them to come up with a solution for us. In your own situation, this could mean devising a plan for your employer so he or she could give you a more flexible schedule or allow you to work from home. Maybe your employer needs to make some changes and your plan is what they’re looking for.
3. Walk in the favor of the Lord!
After the king’s approval, Nehemiah walked in boldness to complete the task. Imagine moving forward with the permission-giver’s support at your back and God preparing the way in front of you. This is walking in favor with the Lord. No doubt you will hit snags. Watch what the Lord does to help in those times because He already knows about that snag. Do you think He has a plan for it? Checkmate.So, if you KNOW God is calling you to do something, pray about it, plan for it, and trust Him for the confidence to accomplish it. What are you missing out on by assuming the outcome of your request? Who knows what God wants to do through you! When you present a request there’s no way of knowing the chances that it will be granted, but when you say no for your permission-giver, you can be sure the chance will be zero. Don’t say no for them!
About the Author
Nate Beaird, founder and owner of Housewolf Projects, attends Journey Church of the Open Bible in Urbandale, Iowa. According to him, his greatest achievement in life is convincing the coolest chick on the planet to marry him! He and Niki are blessed with three amazing kids. Despite peaking early in life, Nate continues to try his best.
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9 NIV).
There is a quiet invitation woven through these words – an invitation into constant, total dependence on God. We often imagine maturity as having our act together, managing our lives with unshakable strength. But in God’s kingdom, maturity looks nothing like self-reliance. It looks like surrender.
… in God’s kingdom, maturity looks nothing like self-reliance. It looks like surrender.
Just as valleys are watered with rain and become fruitful while lofty mountains remain dry, so it is with our hearts. The low places – the humbling, honest valleys – are where God’s grace pools and grows us. The heights of self-confidence, the illusions that we’ve got everything under control, stay barren.
Grace is not just God’s favor; it is His love set in motion toward us. When Paul begged God to remove the thorn in his life, God didn’t take it away. He gave Paul something far more powerful: grace. Sometimes relief comes by His removing the burden, but sometimes God strengthens the shoulders that carry it.
This past year, I’ve walked through my own valleys in ways I could never have anticipated. An abnormal mammogram led to surgery, which revealed breast cancer. By God’s miraculous hand, the tumor was removed completely, with clear margins and no spread although the tumor was dangerously close to my lymph nodes – a reminder of God’s perfect timing, protection, and faithfulness.
But the challenges didn’t end there. Amid cancer treatment, autoimmune flare-ups, and the toll on my body, I experienced alarming numbness on the left side of my face, suddenly losing strength in my left arm and leg. A trip to the ER revealed a nearly blocked right carotid artery, a tear likely caused by a fall I’d taken months prior, and a blood clot that could have caused a massive stroke.
Yet in the middle of chaos as we prepared for worst case scenarios, God’s grace showed up. Within a day of their being detected, scans revealed that both the clot and tear were gone. Every doctor involved was astonished. I was walking, speaking, and moving with minimal effects – a miracle too clear to dismiss.
In these moments, I’ve learned that we don’t truly trust God’s grace until we first admit we are insufficient. It’s easier to believe in grace for the past or the future. But grace for this moment, right here, in the pressing reality of fear, pain, and uncertainty, requires a present-tense, radical faith.
God didn’t just supplement my strength; He became my strength. He reminded me that the thorn doesn’t defeat us; it becomes the doorway through which His glory steps in. My husband, family, friends, and the countless prayers lifted on my behalf became vessels of God’s love, reminding me that what looks like an ending is often where He does His best work.
… the thorn doesn’t defeat us; it becomes the doorway through which His glory steps in.
Through lingering numbness and nerve pain in my face (Trigeminal neuralgia), vision issues in my left eye, and the exhaustion of hospital stays and oncology appointments, God has been teaching me to release my grip on self-sufficiency. Every test, every scan, every unknown has been a lesson in dependence, a sacred invitation to rest fully in Him. He meets us in both the dramatic and the mundane.
As we face uncertainty and continue to navigate treatments, recoveries, and the unknown, the same promise remains: His grace is sufficient. His power is made perfect in weakness. My valleys have become fertile soil, and in surrendering, I’ve discovered strength I never possessed alone.
To anyone reading this, let this be a challenge and an encouragement: don’t wait for the mountains to feel secure. Step into your valley. Admit your insufficiency. Rest in grace. Let God’s power carry you through the moments you cannot handle on your own. Because in the valleys, in the weakness, God is not just present – He is gloriously, powerfully enough.
About the Author
Sarah Holsapple serves on staff at her church in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, as the Creative & Spiritual Development Director. She serves alongside her husband of almost twenty years, Harris, who is the lead pastor at First Open Bible. Sarah has been teaching and preaching for several years. She’s passionate about discipleship and women’s ministry and served as the Regional Women’s Director for Open Bible Central Region. One of her favorite things in life is being a mom to her two incredible children, Hudson and Lynnley Jo.
The last several years for Sarah have been the hardest of her life. She truly knows the depths of heartbreak and what it feels like to wrestle through healing. She has seen God move in miraculous ways and has experienced great comfort in knowing that we serve a faithful God. Sarah feels great joy in sharing encouragement from the word of God, seeing lives changed and people set free!
My wife, Leona, was at an eye exam, and I was waiting in the lobby when a good-looking couple walked in. Thinking they were Hispanic, I greeted them in Spanish. With a look of surprise, they responded that they didn’t understand. Noticing their accent, I asked what language they spoke. “Arabic,” they replied. They were from Cairo, Egypt.
“I was just there!” I exclaimed. We introduced ourselves, and when they asked about my trip, I explained that I had gone to teach at INSTE Global Bible College. As we talked, we discovered common ground—Youssef and Fatima are both college professors, and Leona and I also work in higher education.
When the conversation turned to food, my Italian roots—revealed by my surname—caught their interest. I asked them what their favorite Italian dish was. “We love eggplant parmesan,” they answered.
“Would you come to our house for dinner if I made that?” I asked. They gladly accepted. When Leona’s appointment ended, we compared calendars and set a date to host Youssef, Fatima, and their four sons.
At home we talked about what to do with our dog Barney. Living in a townhome, we couldn’t put him outside. Knowing that Muslims traditionally view dogs as unclean, we decided to banish Barney to our finished basement during the visit.
Before dinner, we explained our custom of thanking God for our food. They understood, appreciating that we blessed them also in our prayer. Conversation flowed easily as we shared the meal. Afterward, the younger boys, full of energy, spotted the basement stairs. Leona explained about Barney, assuring Fatima that he was friendly. With her permission, the boys bounded downstairs to play with one very happy dog. The older boys preferred the TV room to watch football, while we lingered at the table with Youssef and Fatima, enjoying the chance to connect as fellow educators. Our first dinner together was a success.
As Fatima and Leona washed the dishes, the conversation was salted with quotes from the Koran and the Bible…
That Thanksgiving, we invited the family back to share in a traditional holiday meal. Barney had a sleepover at Leona’s sister’s house this time. We set the table for a 1:00 p.m. feast, but our guests were delayed returning from Wisconsin and arrived closer to 5:00. Once gathered, we enjoyed another rich time together.
Leona and Fatima washed dishes side by side, as Youssef and I chatted in the living room. All four boys bundled into the TV room to watch sports. Later, gathered by the fireplace, Youssef asked, “Does the Bible talk about the end of the world?” He was genuinely interested in comparing Christian and Muslim viewpoints on the end times. We had a very interesting conversation that evening! It was 11:00 p.m. when six-year-old Ahmed sleepily stumbled from the TV room, asking, “Can we go home now?” Shortly thereafter, we said good night to our guests with gratitude for another memorable evening.
Months later, Youssef and Fatima invited us to their home for the Muslim celebration of Eid, marking the close of Ramadan. Fatima had prepared the traditional feast of Egyptian dishes. We arrived in time to count down to sunset, and then the banquet began. As Fatima and Leona washed the dishes, the conversation was salted with quotes from the Koran and the Bible as Fatima explained Eid. The rest of the evening was filled with relaxing conversation, along with plans to get together for the Fourth of July.
Friendship and food opened doors for evangelism.
Our last gathering was at Christmas. Once again, we shared a meal, meaningful conversation, and plenty of laughter. Wanting to give them New Testaments in a respectful way, we sought guidance from friends experienced in ministry to Muslims. Following their advice, we wrapped the books beautifully, adding a heartfelt note expressing our joy in their friendship. We presented the gifts as they left that evening. Though we haven’t heard from them since, we often remember Youssef, Fatima, and their boys in prayer. Friendship and food opened doors for evangelism. We learned that sensitivity to cultural and religious differences keeps those doors open, and above all, we were reminded to live out 1 Peter 3:15: “Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect…” (NIV).
About the Authors
Leona K. Venditti, EdD, and Nicholas A Venditti, PhD, met in Madrid, Spain. In 1982, Leona was sent by Open Bible’s Department of Global Missions to start a training program which has since grown into INSTE Global Bible College. It has expanded to more than forty countries and eighteen languages. Together, the Vendittis continue to “make disciples and develop leaders” both nationally and globally as they mentor many cross-cultural followers of Jesus.
Spiritual direction…hmmm, sounds like what I get from the Holy Spirit when I pray, so why would I need to meet with a spiritual director when I can do this on my own? Seems unnecessary, right? Not to mention, I’m a guy; we never ask for directions.
That was my thinking a few years ago, until the day I got a call from another minister who was training to be a spiritual director. She needed to log a certain number of practice hours to finish her training, and she asked if I would be her “guinea pig.”
The call had “coincidentally” come in the middle of a challenging season; my pastoral duties felt relentless, and I was going through a profound life change. I felt empty inside as I wrestled with a nagging question: “Am I really hearing God clearly?” Unable to talk through my struggle with very many people, I had been feeling spiritually stuck. The person calling was someone I trusted, so I agreed to be a part of her training process. I thought I was helping her out, but little did I know this decision would stand as a cornerstone of my spiritual and mental health moving forward.
Spiritual direction is like having a wonderful (dare I say, sacred) friend who walks alongside you and gently guides you to notice and respond to the presence of God in your life.
Spiritual direction is like having a wonderful (dare I say, sacred) friend who walks alongside you and gently guides you to notice and respond to the presence of God in your life. Believe it or not, even the best of us can miss Him in the middle of our emotional and mental upheavals. Unlike traditional counseling or mentorship, spiritual direction focuses on deepening our relationship with God, helping us become more aware of His presence in our everyday experiences.
A Transformative Encounter: Experiencing the Father Three Ways
There’s one spiritual direction session that particularly stands out in my mind. My mom had just passed away, and my dad was in the final stages of his life. It had been a tough year of loss, and I was doing my best to keep it together. As I shared with my spiritual director, she made a suggestion. She said, “Gary, take the next ten minutes to sit before the Father and ask Him what He wants to say to you in this season.”
I muted the microphone, sat in silence, and stared out the window of my office into my backyard. It was a beautiful day, and the wind was rustling through the trees. Things moving by some unseen force. As I sat there, God reminded me of three snapshots (memories) with my dad. The first was a memory of being at the beach with him when I was four and his taking me into the deep water. I remember protesting that I didn’t want to go out there but also feeling safe because I was held tightly in my father’s arms. The second was a memory of when I was twenty and we took a trip together. It was on that trip that I felt my father, through his actions, take his mantle of authority and leadership and place it on my shoulders. The third snapshot wasn’t a true memory but a glimpse into the future. I was about to visit my dad in a month – it was to say goodbye as he was in the final stages of life on earth. My agenda was simple: I was just going to spend time with Dad.
In those pictures, with the wind blowing through the trees, the Father used my father to help me encounter Him. I’ll never forget the three things God whispered to me as I pondered those three snapshots:
Gary, I’m with you; you’re safe.
Gary, I’ve given you everything you need to fulfill what I’ve called you to do; I trust you.
Gary, all I desire is for you to spend time with me and enjoy my presence.
Those past and future joys were a reminder from my heavenly Father that I could take the path ahead because He was with me. I’m not sure I would have had such a profound experience had it not been for the preceding conversation with my spiritual director and our subsequent debrief.
Integrating Spiritual Direction into Pastoral Ministry
Moments in this and following sessions have been a game changer for me, helping me become a better leader and follower. I now approach decisions with a greater sense of grounding, choosing to rely on prayerful discernment and feedback from someone who’s spiritually mature and not emotionally tied to the situations. I’ve also learned to listen better, not just to God but also to people.
Spiritual direction has been a transformative experience for me, helping me grow both personally and professionally.
Spiritual direction has also been a huge help with my mental health. Regular sessions provide a sanctuary from the incessant demands of ministry and allow me to process those stressors in a safe context. I’ve learned to be more resilient, thanks to the reflective exploration of my spiritual journey, and I feel more balanced and purposeful.
If you’re a minister who hasn’t tried spiritual direction yet, I highly recommend it. Here are a few things to keep in mind:
- Find a spiritual director who’s trained to help others on their spiritual journey.
- Make sure you prioritize regular meetings. Consistent engagement allows for a deeper unfolding of your spiritual narrative and allows for sustained growth.
- Be open and vulnerable. Don’t be afraid to talk about the good and bad parts of your spiritual life.
Spiritual direction has been a transformative experience for me, helping me grow both personally and professionally. Remember, we all need help sometimes.
About the Author
Gary Kahn
Gary Khan was born on the island of Trinidad in the Caribbean. He moved to America when he was twenty to pursue his education and calling to be a pastor. He met his wife DeLaine at Eugene Bible College (now New Hope Christian College) and upon their graduation, they were married and began working at Desert Streams Church in Santa Clarita, CA. After thirty-two years as a pastor, Gary became an Executive Director of Operations for Marketplace Chaplains. He is the author of devotionals including Reset and Greater and his most recent book, That Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Thought.
