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Choose Your Hard
By Kris Beaird
When my husband, Jim, and I had children, we vowed we would do everything right. We had fairly normal upbringings, but they lacked an emotional awareness that we wanted our children to have. We devoured everything we could from Dr. James Dobson of Focus on the Family; we even attended his last in-person conference in Colorado Springs in 1977. We set our expectations high, to be the perfect parents as well as the perfect pastors. We all know that perfect pastors must have perfect children! Wow, what pressure!
In my book, There Had Better Be a Corner, I describe the process I went through in dealing with depression and anxiety, especially in the childrearing stages. The pressure finally got the best of me and became debilitating. Making that first appointment to engage in counseling was a big step for me. However, it began the process of unraveling the lies I had believed about myself from childhood and my self-imposed expectations.
When our children were small, it was very important to me that bedtime was a special time for them. During our nightly ritual I would bathe them, then read to them, and then pray with them. As a stay-at-home mom, by the end of the day the process of nurturing wore me out. I asked Jim to help me with it, but I was never satisfied with the way he did it. He just put them to bed and said prayers.
One day the Holy Spirit rebuked me and said, “He is their dad, and he can do just as good a job as you can, so let him be their dad!”
Moms are usually the more nurturing parent, and as the children get older, the dads must prepare the children for the hard knocks of life, a job, rejection, and becoming a protector to those around them. In this particular case, I needed to yield to Jim and let him be the dad.
There were also other areas of conflict in our marriage and parenting where Jim and I had to learn compromise. Our backgrounds in financial matters were very different regarding credit. One experienced never using credit; for the other it was a regular habit. Neither process is 100 percent perfect, but we needed to mesh together what worked for us. It was very difficult because we each wanted to be “right!” We usually think our parents’ way of doing things is “right,” and we each had to listen to understand and then bend to what would work for our marriage.
Money or poverty can become the “power” in a family, and those bondages needed to be broken.
Marriage counseling shone a light on how our differing backgrounds affected our marriage. Money or poverty can become the “power” in a family, and those bondages needed to be broken. Since one person may be more dominant verbally, marriage counseling gave both of us a chance to express ourselves. Sometimes we met together in counseling, and other times we met with the counselor individually. At that time this seemed like the biggest luxury to me. I had someone to listen to me for a whole hour! Within our marriage, I was the less verbal one and needed to learn how to express my needs and desires to Jim. Expecting him to read my mind was not working, and it wasn’t fair to him.
One of the most practical books on marriage I have read is Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus by John Gray, Ph.D. On one YouTube video, Mark Gungor, a pastor, comedian, and counselor, gives a hilarious description of the man’s brain and the woman’s brain called A Tale of Two Brains. It is priceless! I wish I would have known about this concept thirty years earlier. It would have saved us both so much strife. The essence is that the man’s brain has boxes, and he takes out only one box (topic) at a time and then he puts it back. The woman’s brain is like spaghetti noodles. Everything is connected to everything which is why it’s difficult for us to turn our brains off. The video is hilarious and so true! This concept explains why women are usually better at multitasking and men are able to push out distractions and focus on one thing.
Last summer, Jim and I celebrated our fiftieth wedding anniversary. It seems as if we are totally different people now because we have each grown. I am convinced that we would not have accomplished this feat without the assistance of Christian, faith-based counseling. We always knew that we loved each other, but we didn’t always like each other. We have changed in so many ways. I used to be the introverted, practical one and he was the extroverted dreamer. He was the talker; I was the listener. I was passive-aggressive and moody; he spoke directly. He was the risk-taker; I played it safe. Now I’m more of a risk-taker and the extroverted one while he wants to stay home and write books. Jim encouraged me to get my master’s degree in 2010, and then I invested in becoming a leadership coach through the John Maxwell program. The coaching principles helped me grow to the next level personally as well as professionally.
During the early years of our marriage, when we could least afford it, we invested in counseling so we could get to really know and understand each other. That investment has returned great treasures. We learned from counseling others that if they don’t have “skin in the game” (if the counseling doesn’t cost them anything), they don’t value each other enough and won’t follow through. There are no quick fixes. Marriage and parenting are hard! I’ve seen variations of this thought, and it’s so true:
Marriage is hard. Divorce is hard. Choose your hard.
Obesity is hard. Being fit is hard. Choose your hard.
Being in debt is hard. Being financially responsible is hard. Choose your hard.
Communication is hard. Not communicating is hard. Choose your hard.
Life will never be easy. It will always be hard. But we can choose our hard. Choose wisely!
About the Author
Kris Beaird is a wife, mother, grandmother, minister, and author. She and her husband, Jim, are retired and live in the Tampa Bay area. In her book, There Had Better Be a Corner, she describes how each person has a journey and is challenged to make decisions that will shape their present and future personal development.
Living and serving in a foreign land involves adjusting to new cultures, languages, and realities. Over my thirty years as a missionary, I’ve faced these challenges in multiple countries and languages. Yet, none of my experiences could have prepared me for the realities of war—its impact on life, ministry, and faith.
I had lived in Ukraine full time for thirteen years when the initial invasion occurred in 2014. The conflict was terrifying but distant from me; over time, I learned to navigate the stress of the threat of violence and the uncertainty that seemed to linger everywhere. But everything changed on February 23, 2022, with the full-scale invasion. Ukraine entered a dark chapter with an unknowable future, and so did I.
… everything changed on February 23, 2022, with the full-scale invasion. Ukraine entered a dark chapter with an unknowable future, and so did I
I spent the first few months of war in the United States. While physically “safe,” my heart remained with Ukraine. I wanted to be with the INSTE community, neighbors, and other loved ones who had become my family, not just because of my love and concern for them but because there is power in presence; there is a powerful ministry of simply being with others in their suffering. Just as God promises in Psalm 91:15 (NIV), “I will be with him in trouble,” I felt compelled to personify that presence for Ukrainians.
Returning to Ukraine in October 2022 meant facing new unsettling realities. Air raid sirens, missile strikes, and weaponized drones are part of daily life. Psalm 91:5 promises, “You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day,” yet living this truth is challenging. In 2024, attack drones or missiles filled Ukrainian skies every single day and night. Fear is a natural response to danger, yet courage is trusting God despite fear. For me, each step forward, even with a lump in my throat, is an act of faith.
Psalm 91’s promise that God is “with us in trouble” anchors me, helping reconcile the tension between “not fearing” and “doing things afraid.” Fear doesn’t disqualify us from obedience; it’s often the very place where we find God’s will and experience His presence in profound ways.
My main ministry has always been equipping leaders through INSTE Global Bible College, but my focus has shifted during the war. In this season the Lord has allowed me to minister to humanitarian needs of Ukrainians with the help of Open Bible sponsors and a wide network of friends and ministry partners. For independent teen orphans, we’ve provided power banks and lamps for long nights without electricity.
Other times, we’ve purchased medicine for sick neighbors and helped seniors pay for medical procedures. For those along the frontlines, we’ve sent financial aid, clothing, and prayers. We have also translated, printed, and distributed thousands of booklets that teach how to deal with PTSD.
While others deliver large-scale humanitarian aid, my role is one of smaller, personal acts of kindness. In the market, I look for “Holy Spirit nudges” and find struggling grandmothers to bless with money for food, blessing them and reminding them that God sees their need. Each of these actions, though small, serves as a tangible reminder of God’s love and light in dark times.
The human cost of war is staggering. Food insecurity, disrupted education systems, and loss of electricity are all daily problems. Families have been displaced and torn apart, some with children attending school in other countries, others with family members on the frontlines, missing in action, prisoners of war, or buried in a grave. Communities have been shattered and the trajectory of so many lives forever altered. Over the years we have had thousands of INSTE students throughout Ukraine; many of their lives have been dramatically changed by this war.
I witness incredible resilience in the defenders who are outnumbered and outgunned on the front lines, the mothers holding families together, and the children navigating unimaginable loss
Despite this, I witness incredible resilience in the defenders who are outnumbered and outgunned on the front lines, the mothers holding families together, and the children navigating unimaginable loss, including a normal childhood. Their resilience reflects the truth that God has not abandoned them. In their stories, I see glimmers of hope – reminders that even in the darkest times, Light shines. Their resilience inspires me.
It has been difficult to deal with the capture of my godson, Max, a nineteen-year-old soldier, by enemy forces. The pain of not knowing his fate is immense. We pray for his soul. Every Ukrainian has their “Max,” someone whose unknown future brings unbearable heartache.
As I reflect on these years of war, I’m reminded of how deeply it has reshaped my life, my understanding of compassion, and my faith. War has tested me in ways I never expected, but it has also deepened my faith.
Psalm 91 continues to be a comfort: not a promise of an easy way, but of God’s presence. It is in His refuge that I find strength to minister and to believe for His promises. And it is there, even in wartime, that I have found God’s refuge.
About the Author
Tammy Swailes
Tammy Swailes is passionate about cross-cultural Christian education, so working with INSTE Bible College to disciple and equip leaders throughout Europe and beyond is a great fit! Tammy has lived in Europe since 1999 – first in Hungary and now Ukraine. Before that, she was in Japan, as well as Spokane, Washington. She now serves as INSTE regional director in Europe, assisting INSTE programs in five languages. Tammy has her undergraduate degrees in both Missions and Christian Education, and a MA in Intercultural Studies. Photography, good coffee, multi-cultural experiences, and the family’s Yorkie are some of Tammy’s favorite things.
The diaspora of the Tai Dam refugees in 1975 to Des Moines, Iowa, fueled a first generation of Tai Dam Americans adapting to new ways of life, blending language, culture, and embracing the numerous opportunities in the US. I was part of that first generation. Three years after my parents’ settlement in Iowa, I was born and became the first in my family to acquire an American education and step into a church. We were blessed to have Christian sponsors who helped us transition from our homeland to America.
Every Sunday, our sponsors would take me, my sister, and several of my cousins to church service at the First Church of the Open Bible. Naomi Young was one of the many people who was significant in my life; she gave me my first Bible. Through the faithfulness of Naomi and others at the church, seeds of faith were planted as I was told about a man named Jesus who died on the cross for me. I was curious, but I did not understand and did not accept Him into my life at that time. Attending church was short-lived, coming to a halt when I was eight years old. The seed that was planted in me could not grow because it was never nourished with Truth at home. My parents and grandmother believed and practiced animism and ancestral worship, which is the veneration and honoring of the dead. Confusion infiltrated my mind, and my desire to attend church ceased. While I abandoned everything that was taught to me in Sunday school, I always kept my Bible in a special place underneath my pillow because something in my heart could not throw it away.
The seed that was planted in me could not grow because it was never nourished with Truth at home.
When I was twenty-two years old, my cousin took me to a Buddhist temple to have my fortune read. There, sitting in front of me, were three monks. One monk opened his notebook, wrote in it, then read to me my childhood, present life, and future life story up to the time I would turn thirty years old. He then shut his notebook and told me, “I am done.” When I asked him, “Why?” he told me only, “I cannot read you anymore.” That same week I went to a card reader and had my fortune read. Again, he read my childhood, present life, and up to the age I would be thirty, then stopped. I told him, “You are the second person that could not read me past thirty; tell me – do I die?” He quickly gathered his cards, saying only, “I cannot tell you.”
Throughout my adult life in my twenties, I was in an unhealthy, abusive relationship, which led to an alcohol addiction. When I was twenty-six, I became pregnant and had my daughter, Kaylee, on January 31, 2005. God was already working in my life, and I did not know it; He was molding me and reminding me of who He was through the darkest moments of my life. Around that time, I came upon a childhood friend who worked as a cashier at Hy-Vee; she would tell me, “Soukham, God is so good.” Though I resisted, the words she spoke over me resonated in my heart. Not long after, I found myself attending her funeral. Worship and praise were included in the Christian service. I was confused, but a part of me had the desire to know more about the God they said was so good and how through Him there would be no more pain and suffering. When I left the funeral, the Lord continued to reveal Himself to me through divine encounters. In July of 2008, I took a position at Nationwide Insurance where I reconnected with an old high school friend. She invited me to a Thanksgiving potluck at her church, and my walk with the Lord began soon after.
From the Tai Dam little girl who was born in America and met Jesus in an Iowan church, to the woman who is now taking the hope of Christ back to Southeast Asia, His hand has been in every chapter of my story.
I was thirty years old when I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. The verse that will remain with me forever is 2 Corinthians 5:17: “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” (NIV).
Now I understand why the monk and card reader could not read my life past the age of thirty. At that age, I became a new creation because of Jesus Christ, and the enemy no longer had a hold on me! Jesus continued to bless me and my daughter. Amid my pain and struggles, God brought a man into my life, my husband Othone (Pong), who became a father to Kaylee. We got married on September 15, 2010. Together the Lord blessed us with two more children, Isaac and Silas. In 2017, the Lord called us to serve in Iowa at Kingdom Life Church (now Kingdom City Church).
In November 2021, the Lord instilled in Pong’s heart a dream to build a charitable foundation to address needs in the vulnerable communities of Southeast Asia. The foundation would have a Christ-centered vision: to make and equip future disciples, providing them with sustainable resources and empowering them to advance beyond their current situation. Through continuous prayer and the Lord’s guidance, the foundation was born in April 2023 and officially named Nations in Need (NIN). Recently in 2023 and 2024, the Lord took Pong, Kaylee, and three of our brothers, Ap, Peng, and Bay, on trips to Southeast Asia where they built relationships, served the communities, ministered to the people, and spread the good news about Jesus Christ. Today, NIN has branched into multiple communities in Southeast Asia. Through the work of a future center in Southeast Asia, we will expand NIN’s mission and go wherever the Lord leads.
Throughout my whole life God has carried me, even when I didn’t know it. From the Tai Dam little girl who was born in America and met Jesus in an Iowan church, to the woman who is now taking the hope of Christ back to Southeast Asia, His hand has been in every chapter of my story. Whether the next chapter is in America, Southeast Asia, or somewhere else, I will follow Christ, forever His new creation.
About the Author
Soukham Khanthavixay
Soukham Khanthavixay and her husband, Pong, are active members of Kingdom City Church in Des Moines, Iowa. They reside in Pleasant Hill, Iowa, with their three children and two dogs. Soukham is a registered nurse at a local county hospital and also works for Nations in Need (NIN), the ministry her husband founded. Her family and ministry team work together to expand the mission of NIN and spread the gospel. To learn more about Nations in Need, follow them on Facebook or Instagram: @nationsinneed.
Spirit and Truth Church began as a dream amidst the stormy backdrop of January 2021, during the COVID-19 pandemic. Despite the challenges that the world faced, we found ourselves thriving, anchored by the belief that God’s plans always prevail. As we say on our website, we are passionate about helping people “find freedom in the fullness” of both the Spirit and the Word. This foundational vision has carried us through times of uncertainty and propelled us forward.
Yet, for all our successes, we reached a point where we felt like we were on an island—thriving, yes, but lacking the covering, coaching, counsel, and care that every church needs to flourish long term. In 2022, at the first MOVEMENT conference, God spoke directly to my heart, telling me that Spirit and Truth Church was meant to be part of the Open Bible Church family. This call was a turning point for our ministry. In 2023, I was credentialed through Open Bible Churches, and in February of this year (2024), we became officially affiliated with Open Bible Churches’ Mountain Plains region. Since then, the blessings have been immense.
For all our successes, we reached a point where we felt like we were on an island.
Being part of Open Bible has been transformative for us. We have received so much investment, training, and support. Open Bible has helped us shore up essential aspects of our ministry: leadership, organization, staffing, budget, facilities, and more. Our growth has been remarkable—we’ve doubled in size, growing from 60 to 120 regular attendees in the past year. This growth, I believe, is a testament to both the godly covering of Open Bible and the Spirit-led outreaches we engage in. Our church has a culture of lifestyle evangelism and hospitality where all our members are witnesses and welcomers. In addition, we have forged strategic partnerships with other ministries.
One of the most exciting partnerships we have is with Every Heart Tours, a ministry led by fiery, Jesus-loving college students from Michigan. These students come to stay with us for a week at a time, engaging in outdoor worship outreaches and “prophetic treasure hunts.” If you’re unfamiliar with this term, a prophetic treasure hunt is an evangelistic practice where participants ask the Holy Spirit to reveal specific details about people they will meet, and then they go into the community to find these “treasures.” It’s a beautiful, Spirit-led adventure allowing us to partner with God and minister to people in our city in a unique way. We’ve seen so many lives touched and transformed through these treasure hunts.
What started as a small church plant in Northern Colorado has since grown into a vibrant community reflecting the heart of God for His people.
One of the most powerful testimonies from these outreaches happened this summer (2024). We had a team of prophetic ministers giving specific words to people as we worshipped in Fort Collins Old Town square. We preached the gospel boldly, and by the end of the night eleven people made the decision to be baptized! We walked down to the Poudre River and witnessed the supernatural power of God as they went under the water and came up renewed. It was a moment that felt like the early church, where “the Lord added to their number daily” (Acts 2:47 NIV).
Of course, ministry isn’t always easy. We’ve faced rejection and opposition. But we hold firm to the truth of Romans 1:16: “For I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes.” The harvest is plentiful, and we’ve seen this reality unfold before our eyes. As we continue to partner with ministries, step out in faith, and preach the gospel, we trust that God will continue to bring more people into His kingdom.
Our journey with Open Bible has been a testimony to God’s faithfulness. What started as a small church plant in Northern Colorado has since grown into a vibrant community reflecting the heart of God for His people. We remain committed to spreading the good news and making sure outreach and evangelism are at the heart of our ministry. The harvest is ready, Open Bible fam – let’s go bring it in!
About the Author
Rob Bray
Rob Bray is a marketplace and ministry leader with over a decade of experience in both business and church contexts. He is the founder and lead pastor of Spirit + Truth Church, an Open Bible Church in the Mountain Plains Region. Rob has catalyzed successful companies, grown healthy ministries, and spoken at influential conferences, workshops, and events. Rob’s expertise and passion have made him a trusted advisor and coach for leaders and entrepreneurs seeking breakthroughs in multiple areas including life, marriage, and business. Rob and his wife Bethany live on their homestead in Fort Collins, CO, with their six children: Nehemiah, Nora, Noelle, Neely, Nayla, and Nicholas. In their spare time, they enjoy hiking, paddle boarding, and snowboarding.
