Spotlight
Broken to Become New
By Dara Rasavanh
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalms 34:18, NIV).
I helplessly laid my head on my husband’s shoulder, staring at the hospital floor. I felt dead inside. The only thing that could comfort me was the thought that maybe I was just dreaming. Wasn’t it just yesterday that I held her and walked her around New York’s Central Park, my childhood dream place to visit?
This can’t be true, I thought. If I can close my eyes, allow myself to go to sleep, everything will be fine when I wake up.
Oh no. The doctor came out of the emergency room and walked toward us. I don’t like the look on his face. He and his team escorted us to a small consultation room, where we all sat in silence. I stood up thinking, I’m getting out of this dream. This is not happening. I need to wake up!
My husband, Mike, held me down. I didn’t want to hear. I didn’t want to listen to what the doctor had to say. I just wanted to shut down. Instead, I heard Mike say, “She’s gone; she’s with God.”
What? She’s with God? How can she be with God? She’s my baby, my firstborn. She was in my arms yesterday.
That was July 8, 1989, the day our two-year-old daughter, Samantha, was killed in a one-car accident.
Having arrived as refugees with our families in the U.S. in the ’70s, Mike and I had finally begun to live the American dream. We had just bought a new car and a home in Des Moines, Iowa. We had good jobs, an education, and were happily married with our first child. Life was going as planned. We were living our dreams. We were looking towards a good future. As a young couple in the greatest country in the world, we felt nothing could go wrong. Death was not part of our equation.
I can’t say that my walk with the Lord has always been rosy. I’ve had ups and downs, but I know He’s always near when I have allowed Him to take me to my broken places. I’ve learned that I must die daily to myself in order to live daily for God in Christ!
I felt like one of the walking dead as we planned for our daughter’s funeral. The possibility of this event had never crossed my mind. The only response I had for everyone was “That’s fine.” There were lots of people who came to pay their respects and give us their condolences. I wanted to cry. I wanted to laugh, but nothing came out!
After the funeral, I thought, Now what? What am I supposed to do? My hopes, my dreams . . . they’re gone. The pain in my heart was too much to bear. I wanted to pull my heart out and be done with it!
Mike and I were grieving in our own ways. We weren’t talking as much, mostly arguing. Some days I felt like I could live, and some days I wished to disappear. I wanted to die and be done with the pain!
I started questioning God, “Why are you doing this to me? What have I done wrong? I’ve been a good girl. I accepted your Son as my Savior! I made a confession of faith at age 17, married a Christian man, and go to church on Sundays. What else do you want from me?”
The more I questioned God, the angrier I became. I wanted to get away from everything. I told Mike I wanted to be alone. I didn’t want to be married anymore. I asked him to divorce me. His response was, “Never. I’d rather die than divorce you!” At least Mike’s words put an end to my crazy thoughts.
One Sunday evening I was so lost I thought about taking my own life. I kept driving and driving. Somehow I ended up at our church, First Church of the Open Bible, pastored by Rev. Ken Groen. The service had already started, so I slipped into the back pew and sat down. Pastor Ken was preaching from the book of Joshua on the faith of Rahab, the prostitute who hid the Israelite spies. She and her household were saved because of Rahab’s faith and courage. Rahab was the only woman who was credited by name into the Bible’s Hall of Faith (Hebrews 11).
At the end of the sermon Pastor Ken gave an altar call. I thought that was kind of interesting since I was brought up in a Christian Reformed church, and we didn’t have altar calls. I had nothing to lose because sometimes I wasn’t quite sure if I was dead or alive, so I went up to be prayed for, my first experience with an altar call.
When I came home after the service, Mike and I had a long talk, our first meaningful talk since Samantha’s funeral. I told Mike that I wanted to go back to college and live at the school. Surprisingly, he was okay with that and said he would do whatever he could to support me. That night, he asked me to pray with him, and we cried out to God, asking Him to help us get through our pain. We were young and immature both physically and spiritually. As we look back now, we credit that first prayer together as the beginning of our journey with God as the head of our house.
When we woke up the next morning, I felt as if a miracle had happened. I felt like living again. The desire to go off on my own went away. Instead, I decided to stay home and continue my college education in Des Moines. I continued to question God and to talk to Him about everything, spiritual things. The more I talked with Him, the more I came to understand I really didn’t know Him, and I wanted to know Him more.
I realized that the reason my relationship with God was so shallow was that I didn’t have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. I had received Jesus into my life as my Savior, but I had put him on the shelf, so to speak. I worshiped Him but never allowed Him to be in my life. I repented and thanked the Lord for opening my eyes to see the Way, the Truth, and the Life through Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior.
I can’t say that my walk with the Lord has always been rosy. I’ve had ups and downs, but I know He’s always near when I have allowed Him to take me to my broken places. I’ve learned that I must die daily to myself in order to live daily for God in Christ!
Mike and I felt led to take discipleship courses through INSTE Bible College. I’m proud to say that Mike was part of the first class of second level graduates, and I also graduated first level. We have two more children, Zach, age 32 (and daughter-in-law, Molly), and Bella, 28. We also have a two-year-old granddaughter, Vivian.
In 1996, God called us to plant the Asian Open Bible Church, now Lifesong Open Bible. After serving God at Lifesong for twenty years, the Lord called us to become missionaries to Southeast Asia in 2017. We are now working on getting Open Bible mission works going in Thailand, Vietnam, and Laos.
It is a privilege to be part of God’s Kingdom and a great honor to serve Him. From my experience I learned that sometimes God must take us to a place of brokenness. There we will find Him because He is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. When we truly find God and have Christ in our lives, He can take what the devil meant for evil and turn it around for our good, just as promised in Romans 8:28 (KJV): “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” God is doing a work in us. Sometimes He takes us to the point of brokenness so that He can transform us into something new, something useful, something beautiful.
About the Author
Dara Rasavanh was born in Laos in 1966 and, at the age of thirteen, migrated with the rest of her family to the U.S. She and her husband, Mike, planted the Asian Open Bible Church (now Lifesong Church of the Open Bible) in 1996 and assisted in the building of the Lifesong Learning Center in Cambodia in 2007. After pastoring for twenty years, the Rasavanhs accepted the call to go back to Southeast Asia as Open Bible missionaries and have been living in Thailand since 2017. Dara, an INSTE Bible College 1st Level graduate, holds a bachelor’s degree in business management and a master’s degree in education administration. She is currently a PhD Candidate in organizational management from Christian University of Thailand.
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9 NIV).
There is a quiet invitation woven through these words – an invitation into constant, total dependence on God. We often imagine maturity as having our act together, managing our lives with unshakable strength. But in God’s kingdom, maturity looks nothing like self-reliance. It looks like surrender.
… in God’s kingdom, maturity looks nothing like self-reliance. It looks like surrender.
Just as valleys are watered with rain and become fruitful while lofty mountains remain dry, so it is with our hearts. The low places – the humbling, honest valleys – are where God’s grace pools and grows us. The heights of self-confidence, the illusions that we’ve got everything under control, stay barren.
Grace is not just God’s favor; it is His love set in motion toward us. When Paul begged God to remove the thorn in his life, God didn’t take it away. He gave Paul something far more powerful: grace. Sometimes relief comes by His removing the burden, but sometimes God strengthens the shoulders that carry it.
This past year, I’ve walked through my own valleys in ways I could never have anticipated. An abnormal mammogram led to surgery, which revealed breast cancer. By God’s miraculous hand, the tumor was removed completely, with clear margins and no spread although the tumor was dangerously close to my lymph nodes – a reminder of God’s perfect timing, protection, and faithfulness.
But the challenges didn’t end there. Amid cancer treatment, autoimmune flare-ups, and the toll on my body, I experienced alarming numbness on the left side of my face, suddenly losing strength in my left arm and leg. A trip to the ER revealed a nearly blocked right carotid artery, a tear likely caused by a fall I’d taken months prior, and a blood clot that could have caused a massive stroke.
Yet in the middle of chaos as we prepared for worst case scenarios, God’s grace showed up. Within a day of their being detected, scans revealed that both the clot and tear were gone. Every doctor involved was astonished. I was walking, speaking, and moving with minimal effects – a miracle too clear to dismiss.
In these moments, I’ve learned that we don’t truly trust God’s grace until we first admit we are insufficient. It’s easier to believe in grace for the past or the future. But grace for this moment, right here, in the pressing reality of fear, pain, and uncertainty, requires a present-tense, radical faith.
God didn’t just supplement my strength; He became my strength. He reminded me that the thorn doesn’t defeat us; it becomes the doorway through which His glory steps in. My husband, family, friends, and the countless prayers lifted on my behalf became vessels of God’s love, reminding me that what looks like an ending is often where He does His best work.
… the thorn doesn’t defeat us; it becomes the doorway through which His glory steps in.
Through lingering numbness and nerve pain in my face (Trigeminal neuralgia), vision issues in my left eye, and the exhaustion of hospital stays and oncology appointments, God has been teaching me to release my grip on self-sufficiency. Every test, every scan, every unknown has been a lesson in dependence, a sacred invitation to rest fully in Him. He meets us in both the dramatic and the mundane.
As we face uncertainty and continue to navigate treatments, recoveries, and the unknown, the same promise remains: His grace is sufficient. His power is made perfect in weakness. My valleys have become fertile soil, and in surrendering, I’ve discovered strength I never possessed alone.
To anyone reading this, let this be a challenge and an encouragement: don’t wait for the mountains to feel secure. Step into your valley. Admit your insufficiency. Rest in grace. Let God’s power carry you through the moments you cannot handle on your own. Because in the valleys, in the weakness, God is not just present – He is gloriously, powerfully enough.
About the Author
Sarah Holsapple serves on staff at her church in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, as the Creative & Spiritual Development Director. She serves alongside her husband of almost twenty years, Harris, who is the lead pastor at First Open Bible. Sarah has been teaching and preaching for several years. She’s passionate about discipleship and women’s ministry and served as the Regional Women’s Director for Open Bible Central Region. One of her favorite things in life is being a mom to her two incredible children, Hudson and Lynnley Jo.
The last several years for Sarah have been the hardest of her life. She truly knows the depths of heartbreak and what it feels like to wrestle through healing. She has seen God move in miraculous ways and has experienced great comfort in knowing that we serve a faithful God. Sarah feels great joy in sharing encouragement from the word of God, seeing lives changed and people set free!
My wife, Leona, was at an eye exam, and I was waiting in the lobby when a good-looking couple walked in. Thinking they were Hispanic, I greeted them in Spanish. With a look of surprise, they responded that they didn’t understand. Noticing their accent, I asked what language they spoke. “Arabic,” they replied. They were from Cairo, Egypt.
“I was just there!” I exclaimed. We introduced ourselves, and when they asked about my trip, I explained that I had gone to teach at INSTE Global Bible College. As we talked, we discovered common ground—Youssef and Fatima are both college professors, and Leona and I also work in higher education.
When the conversation turned to food, my Italian roots—revealed by my surname—caught their interest. I asked them what their favorite Italian dish was. “We love eggplant parmesan,” they answered.
“Would you come to our house for dinner if I made that?” I asked. They gladly accepted. When Leona’s appointment ended, we compared calendars and set a date to host Youssef, Fatima, and their four sons.
At home we talked about what to do with our dog Barney. Living in a townhome, we couldn’t put him outside. Knowing that Muslims traditionally view dogs as unclean, we decided to banish Barney to our finished basement during the visit.
Before dinner, we explained our custom of thanking God for our food. They understood, appreciating that we blessed them also in our prayer. Conversation flowed easily as we shared the meal. Afterward, the younger boys, full of energy, spotted the basement stairs. Leona explained about Barney, assuring Fatima that he was friendly. With her permission, the boys bounded downstairs to play with one very happy dog. The older boys preferred the TV room to watch football, while we lingered at the table with Youssef and Fatima, enjoying the chance to connect as fellow educators. Our first dinner together was a success.
As Fatima and Leona washed the dishes, the conversation was salted with quotes from the Koran and the Bible…
That Thanksgiving, we invited the family back to share in a traditional holiday meal. Barney had a sleepover at Leona’s sister’s house this time. We set the table for a 1:00 p.m. feast, but our guests were delayed returning from Wisconsin and arrived closer to 5:00. Once gathered, we enjoyed another rich time together.
Leona and Fatima washed dishes side by side, as Youssef and I chatted in the living room. All four boys bundled into the TV room to watch sports. Later, gathered by the fireplace, Youssef asked, “Does the Bible talk about the end of the world?” He was genuinely interested in comparing Christian and Muslim viewpoints on the end times. We had a very interesting conversation that evening! It was 11:00 p.m. when six-year-old Ahmed sleepily stumbled from the TV room, asking, “Can we go home now?” Shortly thereafter, we said good night to our guests with gratitude for another memorable evening.
Months later, Youssef and Fatima invited us to their home for the Muslim celebration of Eid, marking the close of Ramadan. Fatima had prepared the traditional feast of Egyptian dishes. We arrived in time to count down to sunset, and then the banquet began. As Fatima and Leona washed the dishes, the conversation was salted with quotes from the Koran and the Bible as Fatima explained Eid. The rest of the evening was filled with relaxing conversation, along with plans to get together for the Fourth of July.
Friendship and food opened doors for evangelism.
Our last gathering was at Christmas. Once again, we shared a meal, meaningful conversation, and plenty of laughter. Wanting to give them New Testaments in a respectful way, we sought guidance from friends experienced in ministry to Muslims. Following their advice, we wrapped the books beautifully, adding a heartfelt note expressing our joy in their friendship. We presented the gifts as they left that evening. Though we haven’t heard from them since, we often remember Youssef, Fatima, and their boys in prayer. Friendship and food opened doors for evangelism. We learned that sensitivity to cultural and religious differences keeps those doors open, and above all, we were reminded to live out 1 Peter 3:15: “Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect…” (NIV).
About the Authors
Leona K. Venditti, EdD, and Nicholas A Venditti, PhD, met in Madrid, Spain. In 1982, Leona was sent by Open Bible’s Department of Global Missions to start a training program which has since grown into INSTE Global Bible College. It has expanded to more than forty countries and eighteen languages. Together, the Vendittis continue to “make disciples and develop leaders” both nationally and globally as they mentor many cross-cultural followers of Jesus.
Spiritual direction…hmmm, sounds like what I get from the Holy Spirit when I pray, so why would I need to meet with a spiritual director when I can do this on my own? Seems unnecessary, right? Not to mention, I’m a guy; we never ask for directions.
That was my thinking a few years ago, until the day I got a call from another minister who was training to be a spiritual director. She needed to log a certain number of practice hours to finish her training, and she asked if I would be her “guinea pig.”
The call had “coincidentally” come in the middle of a challenging season; my pastoral duties felt relentless, and I was going through a profound life change. I felt empty inside as I wrestled with a nagging question: “Am I really hearing God clearly?” Unable to talk through my struggle with very many people, I had been feeling spiritually stuck. The person calling was someone I trusted, so I agreed to be a part of her training process. I thought I was helping her out, but little did I know this decision would stand as a cornerstone of my spiritual and mental health moving forward.
Spiritual direction is like having a wonderful (dare I say, sacred) friend who walks alongside you and gently guides you to notice and respond to the presence of God in your life.
Spiritual direction is like having a wonderful (dare I say, sacred) friend who walks alongside you and gently guides you to notice and respond to the presence of God in your life. Believe it or not, even the best of us can miss Him in the middle of our emotional and mental upheavals. Unlike traditional counseling or mentorship, spiritual direction focuses on deepening our relationship with God, helping us become more aware of His presence in our everyday experiences.
A Transformative Encounter: Experiencing the Father Three Ways
There’s one spiritual direction session that particularly stands out in my mind. My mom had just passed away, and my dad was in the final stages of his life. It had been a tough year of loss, and I was doing my best to keep it together. As I shared with my spiritual director, she made a suggestion. She said, “Gary, take the next ten minutes to sit before the Father and ask Him what He wants to say to you in this season.”
I muted the microphone, sat in silence, and stared out the window of my office into my backyard. It was a beautiful day, and the wind was rustling through the trees. Things moving by some unseen force. As I sat there, God reminded me of three snapshots (memories) with my dad. The first was a memory of being at the beach with him when I was four and his taking me into the deep water. I remember protesting that I didn’t want to go out there but also feeling safe because I was held tightly in my father’s arms. The second was a memory of when I was twenty and we took a trip together. It was on that trip that I felt my father, through his actions, take his mantle of authority and leadership and place it on my shoulders. The third snapshot wasn’t a true memory but a glimpse into the future. I was about to visit my dad in a month – it was to say goodbye as he was in the final stages of life on earth. My agenda was simple: I was just going to spend time with Dad.
In those pictures, with the wind blowing through the trees, the Father used my father to help me encounter Him. I’ll never forget the three things God whispered to me as I pondered those three snapshots:
Gary, I’m with you; you’re safe.
Gary, I’ve given you everything you need to fulfill what I’ve called you to do; I trust you.
Gary, all I desire is for you to spend time with me and enjoy my presence.
Those past and future joys were a reminder from my heavenly Father that I could take the path ahead because He was with me. I’m not sure I would have had such a profound experience had it not been for the preceding conversation with my spiritual director and our subsequent debrief.
Integrating Spiritual Direction into Pastoral Ministry
Moments in this and following sessions have been a game changer for me, helping me become a better leader and follower. I now approach decisions with a greater sense of grounding, choosing to rely on prayerful discernment and feedback from someone who’s spiritually mature and not emotionally tied to the situations. I’ve also learned to listen better, not just to God but also to people.
Spiritual direction has been a transformative experience for me, helping me grow both personally and professionally.
Spiritual direction has also been a huge help with my mental health. Regular sessions provide a sanctuary from the incessant demands of ministry and allow me to process those stressors in a safe context. I’ve learned to be more resilient, thanks to the reflective exploration of my spiritual journey, and I feel more balanced and purposeful.
If you’re a minister who hasn’t tried spiritual direction yet, I highly recommend it. Here are a few things to keep in mind:
- Find a spiritual director who’s trained to help others on their spiritual journey.
- Make sure you prioritize regular meetings. Consistent engagement allows for a deeper unfolding of your spiritual narrative and allows for sustained growth.
- Be open and vulnerable. Don’t be afraid to talk about the good and bad parts of your spiritual life.
Spiritual direction has been a transformative experience for me, helping me grow both personally and professionally. Remember, we all need help sometimes.
About the Author
Gary Kahn
Gary Khan was born on the island of Trinidad in the Caribbean. He moved to America when he was twenty to pursue his education and calling to be a pastor. He met his wife DeLaine at Eugene Bible College (now New Hope Christian College) and upon their graduation, they were married and began working at Desert Streams Church in Santa Clarita, CA. After thirty-two years as a pastor, Gary became an Executive Director of Operations for Marketplace Chaplains. He is the author of devotionals including Reset and Greater and his most recent book, That Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Thought.
