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Losing Lisa
By Chris Hansler
Lisa and I knew each other since we were five years old because she was my best friend’s little sister. We began dating after I finished high school, got married in the summer of 1985, and were married for 36 years.
February 14, 2022, was our fortieth Valentine’s Day together; it was also the last night I would be with her. The breast cancer, which we thought she had beaten in late 2020 after aggressive treatment that included chemotherapy, a bilateral mastectomy, and radiation, had returned with a vengeance in October of 2021. That was when we received the shocking prognosis that she had maybe up to two to five years left. The sickness had shown up as a collapsed lung caused by fluid on her lungs. We then learned that the cancer had spread to lymph nodes throughout her abdomen. The decline was quick and difficult. I had to drain fluid from both of her lungs twice daily. She soon lost her ability to get around, and then she lost her appetite. She fought for her life and believed like she always had. We prayed (as did hundreds of friends and family) and the doctors did everything they could to extend her life. But on the morning of February 15, after a moment of prayer and an exchange of “I love yous” between her and me and our kids, Lisa peacefully went to be with Jesus.
The fact that the cancer had returned stunned us, but even so we thought we had a little more time. Instead, I found myself without my person. It was difficult to wrap my mind around the reality of the loss.
Everything is different: preparing and eating a meal; going for a walk; taking a work trip and not having her text or call me on the way or at the end of the day; coming home to an empty house; watching a television show; going to church; talking with our kids; discussing ideas, dreams, frustrations, funny or quirky happenings; going to bed; waking up. Everything is different.
People have assured me along the way that “it will get better.” I know what they mean by that: I will not have as many meltdowns. I will get back into a normal routine. I’ll be able to function “better” than I did earlier in the grieving process. And that is true. But the reality will not be better. Now, seven months later, it doesn’t feel any “better” without her than it did shortly after losing her because I feel even further away from her now. No, it isn’t better; it is just more familiar, though it is an unwelcome familiarity. But there have been some things that have been helpful to me:
- Journaling the journey. Writing helps me process my thoughts, so I set up a blog where I do just that. It isn’t a blog intended to inspire or teach. These are my personal psalms and lamentations.
- Seeking counseling. I have met consistently with a counselor for many years, and in this season, he has been a treasure. I am a firm believer that every pastor should have access to a counselor whom they can check in with at least once per year.
- Staying close to my family. Nobody understands or shares this season like my family. And in those relationships we can be completely ourselves – the good, the bad, and the ugly – without worrying about what the other might think.
- Accepting the genuine love of people. Psalm 34:18 (NASB) says, “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted.” I have sensed His profound, abiding presence even in the darkest and saddest moments. But one of the most prominent ways He has shown He is near is through the kindness, generosity, thoughtfulness, and care of His people. We have been overwhelmed with notes, gift cards, flowers, meals, and simple quiet presence. All of this has been a beautiful testimony of Jesus to my family and me.
- Re-engaging. After I lost Lisa, I took a leave of absence from work for a few weeks. In a weird way, going back to work felt almost like betrayal – as though I were moving on without her. But going back to work, re-focusing my attention and energy, and being around people has been a helpful part of the healing process. I have also started a master’s program. There have been so many times when I haven’t felt like re-engaging or being around people. Church, and for me worship in particular, is a very emotional time. And while it would be easy to simply avoid it, instead I chose to join our worship team. At times I have stood on the stage playing my guitar with tears in my eyes, but if church isn’t a safe place for that to happen then we have misunderstood the purpose of the body of Christ.
There are also some things I am learning in this journey.
- I need to lean into my emotion. Lisa would frequently say to me, “Of course it doesn’t bother you because you have no feelings!” 😊 But oh, how the emotions have come! And while it is tempting to bury or hide the emotions, that would not be helpful either to me or to others. If the Psalms do anything, they give permission to our emotions.
- I need Jesus. Every day, more than ever, I need to be with Jesus. I have always valued solitude and getting away (often to the mountains). But now that Lisa is gone and my kids are all out on their own, I am alone frequently and the house is quiet. I know that some of you reading this with busy lives and noisy kids may think that sounds like a dream! But I’ve realized something: alone is not the same as solitude; quiet is not the same as silence; inactivity is not the same as stillness. There is an intentionality to our time with and awareness of Jesus. And more than ever I need times in solitude with Jesus, in listening silence, and to be still to know that He is God.
It is important for me to say that I am not through this. I don’t know what that even looks like. It’s been only seven months and before me are the holidays, our anniversary, and then the one-year anniversary of her death. Part of why we as evangelicals/Pentecostals are so bad at lament is because we feel that faith demands we move on. As leaders we feel pressure to put a bow on it and share a profound culminating truth. But as followers of Jesus, we are all somewhere between reality and realized hope. And while we don’t grieve as those who have no hope, we cannot rush the grieving. Nonetheless, I’m convinced that God is okay with our questions. I know that Jesus sits with us through the process. It’s tempting even now for me to wrap this up like the end of a story. But if you have lost someone and are not yet through grieving and you haven’t discovered the answer or haven’t yet realized the hope you have been waiting on, that’s okay too. Jesus will sit with you through it.
About the Author
Chris Hansler serves as the Regional Executive Director for the Pacific Region. He has diverse pastoral and other leadership experience, having served as a youth leader, church planting pastor, and as the former director of Discover Church Planting. Chris has a passion to identify, encourage, equip, and release individuals to serve the mission of Jesus through the local church. He and his late wife, Lisa, are the parents of three grown children: Robert, Johnathan, and Angela.
Church planting isn’t for the faint of heart. All church plants require faith, but it takes a special kind of crazy to “parachute plant,” where church planters “parachute” into a new place, starting from nothing with few resources or contacts. After seven years of pouring our hearts and souls into CityLife Church, a parachute church plant in Wilmington, North Carolina, my husband Mike and I were pretty certain God was calling us to do something different. We genuinely believed God was calling us into missions. In hindsight, I guess He was – just not in the way we pictured it.
This time, our “yes” led us into what was at that time the murder capital of America.
Neither one of us had a desire to plant another church, but the thought of doing something new was exciting to us. So, towards the end of our tenure at CityLife, we let the stirring of something new brew within us even though we had no idea what was coming.
During this season, a couple of things happened that God used to speak to our hearts. The Vanartsdalens, close friends of ours at CityLife, came to us with the news that they were moving to help plant another church within Open Bible (read more about their story HERE). As we celebrated what God was doing with our friends, it reignited a feeling within us that we had forgotten. (Never underestimate how your “yes” might affect someone else’s!) That feeling was the excitement and spiritual rush that comes with church planting. Neither Mike nor I expected to feel this again, and we were surprised to find the desire in our hearts to plant another church.
Everything changed after a conversation with our Open Bible Regional Director, Nathan Hagan. When we shared our initial desire with him, he began to brainstorm some different options for us to consider. One idea jumped out to both of us: “If you guys were interested in planting another church in the region, maybe it could be someplace like New Orleans.” Nathan mentioned other places, but the only one we remembered is the one that stuck to our hearts like glue. New Orleans: the word was spoken, and the Spirit responded!
Mike and I decided early on in our marriage that whatever God called us to do, we would say yes. This time, our “yes” led us into what was at that time the murder capital of America: New Orleans, Louisiana. It is extremely hard to uproot your family and your life and move hundreds of miles away to a place where there are no family, friends, or security. Despite these challenges, we sold many of our possessions, took what we could in a truck and trailer, and headed off into the unknown!
As soon as we put boots on the ground, we quickly realized that this city, this plant, and this call would be different from anything we had ever done. Almost immediately after moving, we were met with a triple homicide four houses down from ours, I was violently robbed at gunpoint, and our kids had a gun pulled on them while playing outside in our neighborhood. We faced circumstances that most people assumed we would run from, but when you know the Lord has called you to a land, you must trust that He will protect and prosper you in that land. Suffering is part of the calling; if we aren’t willing to suffer for the calling, we won’t partake of its full blessing. “But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed” (1 Peter 4:13).
To rewind just a bit, when we knew for sure that we were moving, Mike sat our kids down and had them help compile a dream/prayer list of people we’d love to have on our team. Some on the list were Spirit-led, some were hopefuls, but all of them were people we thought might be crazy enough to consider moving with us!
Back before we’d moved to North Carolina for our first church plant, we had told our friends Greg and Tina that we felt they were supposed to come with us. I think Greg laughed at Mike when we first shared this, but they are now the pastors at CityLife! In similar fashion, we had another friend couple in Ohio that we video chatted with as we prepared to plant in New Orleans. We shared the news of where we were moving then asked them to pray about joining us. They agreed to pray, but I’m certain they thought we were crazy!
We faced circumstances that most people assumed we would run from, but when you know the Lord has called you to a land, you must trust that He will protect and prosper you in that land.
It’s amazing to see how God works in lives, stirring people’s hearts to be part of things that take an incredible amount of faith. Here we are two years later, and Pastor Eric and Lindsay Baker are in New Orleans with us putting their hands to the plow! They moved from a one-light farm town to one of the wildest cities in the world. They and their seven kids gave their “yes” to the Lord, leaving everything they had ever known. They have had their car stolen twice, and yet here they remain. In addition to the Bakers, God sent us another person from our dream list without us even having to ask; Mike’s mom, Lynne, joined the team and lives right next door to us now!
Fast forward to present day: we are so excited to see what God is doing at OHR City Church! “Ohr” is the Hebrew word for “light,” and it also means “to bring order amid chaos” (so fitting for this city!). Almost nothing has gone how we thought it would here, yet we believe everything is going exactly how God designed it.
We are currently meeting every Sunday night in our house where we eat, worship, dream, pray, and study the word of God together. While the adults meet in our house, the kids go to Momma Lynne’s house next door! Our team is growing, and we are all becoming a family. None of us knows exactly where the Lord is taking us yet, but everyone is on board to find out!
If you feel God calling you to something, I encourage you to step out in faith and give God your “yes”!
*Want to read more from Mike and Cala Dickey? Read their related article: Five Ways to Support Church Planting
About the Author
Cala Dickey
Mike and Cala Dickey are the lead pastors at the Southeast Region of Open Bible’s newest church plant, OHR City Church, in New Orleans, Louisiana. Before heading down to the bayou, Mike and Cala planted CityLife Church in Wilmington, North Carolina. They are passionate about pioneering and planting churches in areas that desperately need Jesus. The Dickey family is excited for what God is doing through OHR City Church in New Orleans! To learn more, visit Ohrcc.com.
Featured Articles
Un «Sí» costoso: Plantar una iglesia en la capital del asesinato en Estados Unidos
La plantación de iglesias no es tarea fácil. Toda plantación de iglesias requiere fe, pero la «plantación en paracaídas», en la que los plantadores «saltan en paracaídas» a un lugar nuevo, partiendo de la nada y con pocos recursos o contactos, requiere un tipo especial de locura. Después de siete años de derramar nuestros corazones y almas en CityLife Church, una iglesia plantada en paracaídas en Wilmington, Carolina del Norte, mi esposo Mike y yo estábamos convencidos de que Dios nos estaba llamando a hacer algo diferente. Honestamente, creíamos que nos llamaba a las misiones. En retrospectiva, creo que lo estaba haciendo, sólo que no de la manera en que lo imaginábamos.
Esta vez, nuestro «sí» nos llevó a lo que en ese momento era la capital del asesinato de los Estados Unidos
Ninguno de los dos deseaba plantar otra iglesia, pero la idea de hacer algo nuevo nos entusiasmaba. Así que, casi al final de nuestro período en CityLife, dejamos que la emoción de algo nuevo se gestara dentro de nosotros, aunque no teníamos ni idea de lo que se avecinaba.
Durante ese tiempo, sucedieron un par de cosas que Dios usó para hablar a nuestros corazones. La familia Vanartsdalen, amigos cercanos de CityLife, nos comunicaron que se mudarían para ayudar a plantar otra iglesia con la Biblia Abierta (lea más sobre su historia aquí). Mientras celebrábamos lo que Dios estaba haciendo con nuestros amigos, se reavivó dentro de nosotros un sentimiento que habíamos olvidado. (¡Nunca subestimes cómo tu «sí» puede afectar al de otra persona!). Esa sensación era la emoción y la urgencia espiritual que viene con la plantación de iglesias. Ni Mike ni yo esperábamos volver a sentir esto, y nos sorprendió descubrir el deseo en nuestros corazones de plantar otra iglesia.
Después de una conversación con nuestro director regional de la Biblia Abierta, Nathan Hagan, todo cambió. Cuando le contamos nuestro deseo inicial, comenzó a pensar en algunas opciones diferentes para que las consideráramos. A ambos nos sorprendió esta idea: «Si ustedes estuvieran interesados en plantar otra iglesia en la región, tal vez podría ser en algún lugar como Nueva Orleans». Aunque Nathan mencionó otros lugares, el único que recordamos es el que se nos clavó enseguida en el corazón. Nueva Orleans: ¡se pronunció la palabra, y el Espíritu respondió!
Desde el comienzo de nuestro matrimonio, Mike y yo decidimos que diríamos «sí» a cualquier cosa que Dios nos llamara a hacer. Esta vez, nuestro «sí» nos llevó a lo que en ese momento era la capital del asesinato de los Estados Unidos: Nueva Orleans, Luisiana. Resulta sumamente difícil desarraigar a tu familia y tu vida, mudarte a cientos de kilómetros de distancia a un lugar donde no hay familia, amigos ni seguridad. A pesar de estos retos, decidimos vender muchas de nuestras pertenencias, cargamos lo que pudimos en un camión y un remolque, ¡y partimos hacia lo desconocido!
Tan pronto como comenzamos a trabajar, nos dimos cuenta de que esta ciudad, esta plantación y este llamado serían diferentes de todo lo que habíamos hecho hasta entonces. Casi inmediatamente después de mudarnos, nos enfrentamos con un triple homicidio a cuatro casas de la nuestra, me asaltaron violentamente a mano armada y apuntaron a nuestros hijos con un revólver mientras jugaban al aire libre en nuestro barrio. Tuvimos que hacer frente a circunstancias de las que la mayoría de la gente supondría que huiríamos, pero cuando sabes que el Señor te ha llamado a una tierra, tienes que confiar en que te protegerá y te hará prosperar en ella. El sufrimiento es parte del llamado; si no estamos dispuestos a sufrir por el llamado, no participaremos de toda su bendición. «En cambio, alégrense mucho, porque estas pruebas los hacen ser partícipes con Cristo de su sufrimiento, para que tengan la inmensa alegría de ver su gloria cuando sea revelada a todo el mundo.» (1 Pedro 4:13, NTV).
Volvamos atrás, cuando supimos definitivamente que nos íbamos a mudar, Mike se sentó con nuestros hijos y les pidió que le ayudaran a elaborar una lista de oración de las personas que «soñábamos» que formaran parte de nuestro equipo. Algunos de los nombres en la lista fueron guiados por el Espíritu, otros eran candidatos, pero todos eran personas que pensamos que podrían estar lo suficientemente locas como para considerar mudarse con nosotros.
Antes de mudarnos a Carolina del Norte para plantar nuestra primera iglesia, les habíamos dicho a nuestros amigos Greg y Tina que sentíamos que ellos debían ir con nosotros. Creo que Greg se rio de Mike cuando compartimos esto por primera vez, ¡pero ahora son los pastores de CityLife! De forma similar, teníamos otra pareja amiga en Ohio con la que nos comunicábamos por videochat mientras nos preparábamos para plantar la iglesia en Nueva Orleans. Les contamos que nos íbamos a mudar y les pedimos que consideraran orar para unirse a nosotros. Estuvieron de acuerdo en orar, ¡pero estoy seguro de que pensaron que estábamos locos!
Tuvimos que hacer frente a circunstancias de las que la mayoría de la gente supondría que huiríamos, pero cuando sabes que el Señor te ha llamado a una tierra, tienes que confiar en que te protegerá y te hará prosperar en ella.
Es asombroso ver cómo Dios trabaja en las vidas de las personas, moviendo sus corazones para ser parte de algo que requiere una cantidad increíble de fe. Ya han pasado dos años, y el pastor Eric y Lindsay Baker están en Nueva Orleans con nosotros poniendo sus manos en el arado. Se mudaron de un pueblo pequeño a una de las ciudades más desenfrenadas del mundo. Ellos y sus siete hijos dieron su «sí» al Señor, dejando todo lo que habían conocido. En dos ocasiones les han robado el vehículo y, sin embargo, aquí siguen. Además de los Baker, Dios nos envió a otra persona que estaba en nuestra lista de sueños/oración sin que ni siquiera tuviéramos que pedírselo; la madre de Mike, Lynne, se unió al equipo y ¡ahora vive justo al lado de nosotros!
Ahora, estamos muy emocionados de ver lo que Dios está haciendo en OHR City Church. «Ohr» es la palabra hebrea para «luz», y también significa «poner orden en medio del caos» (¡tan apropiado para esta ciudad!). Aunque casi nada ha salido como pensábamos, creemos que todo está saliendo exactamente como Dios lo diseñó.
En la actualidad nos reunimos todos los domingos por la noche en nuestra casa donde comemos, adoramos, soñamos, oramos y estudiamos juntos la Palabra de Dios. ¡Mientras que los adultos se reúnen en nuestra casa, los niños van a la casa de Mamá Lynne al lado! Nuestro equipo está creciendo, y todos nos estamos convirtiendo en una familia. Ninguno de nosotros sabe exactamente a dónde nos ha de llevar el Señor, ¡pero todos estamos dispuestos a descubrirlo!
¡Si sientes que Dios te está llamando a emprender algo, te animo a que des un paso de fe y le des tu «sí» a Dios!
Sobre la Autora
Cala Dickey
Mike y Cala Dickey son los pastores principales de la más reciente iglesia plantada por la Región Sureste de la Biblia Abierta, OHR City Church, en Nueva Orleans, Luisiana. Antes de ir al bayou, Mike y Cala plantaron CityLife Church en Wilmington, Carolina del Norte. Les apasiona ser pioneros y plantar iglesias en áreas que necesitan desesperadamente a Jesús. ¡La familia Dickey está emocionada por lo que Dios está haciendo a través de OHR City Church en Nueva Orleans! Para más información, visite Ohrcc.com.
In 2017, my husband Dyecol and I were asked to be the interim pastors of Word of Life Open Bible Church in Lehigh Acres, Florida. Little did we know that our two weeks as interim pastors would turn into seven years and counting. After accepting the call to be the permanent pastors, we moved to Lehigh in September, right after Hurricane Ivan had hit. There was no electricity in the city, and it felt like we were moving into darkness and chaos. I didn’t realize we were also moving into the rest of our lives.
Dyecol and I had never had children together. Shortly after our move to Lehigh, we saw a billboard for an adoption agency. Dyecol went to the agency’s office for more information, and it wasn’t long before we were taking a class on adoption. The instructor of the class emphasized how much greater our chances would be to adopt through fostering, and pretty soon we got our first call to foster a three-year-old girl named Isabella. I will never forget seeing that scared little girl walk through our doorway. I scooped her up in my arms, she laid her head on my shoulder, and my future was sealed.
We’d had Isabella for only a month when we got a call for a second little girl, Maria. Maria’s sister Ruby would join her a few months later, and not long after Ruby, we got a call for a fourth child, our first newborn. This baby was only six days old and had been born addicted to drugs. We were told her parents didn’t want her, and we became excited that this baby might become ours. We attached, weaned her off drugs, and she began to thrive. It was then that her biological father decided that he wanted her. As difficult as this was, it was further complicated by the fact that our hopes of adopting the other girls fell through around the same time. We were shattered. This taste of parenthood had convinced me that I wanted to be a mom again, but fostering was too difficult. I told myself, “Never ever again!” Until I got the next call.
Sometimes God walks you through a process of loss and then He dumps blessing on you when you least expect it.
“Ms. Walker, I have a little girl for you….”
“I don’t know, we’re taking a break.”
“Ms. Walker, I’m telling you, you’re going to want this little girl.”
(Deep Breath.) “Okay.”
Our case worker brought over this ten-year-old little girl with big old grandma glasses, fuzzy hair, and the cutest smile. That little girl walked into our lives, and she has changed us forever. Her name is Anna-Tae Walker, and she became our first adopted daughter. Two months later, we were introduced to our daughter Heavenly. We loved her from the moment we saw her. Sometimes you just know. I said to my husband, “She’s not leaving.” True to my word, Heavenly AND her brother Joshua became ours through adoption.
Sometimes God walks you through a process of loss and then He dumps blessing on you when you least expect it. I didn’t understand why we couldn’t have the first little girls we tried to adopt, but God said no. He knew who our kids were.
Despite my having three adopted children, I continued to take new placements. My first experiences fostering almost broke me, but as I continued to say “yes” to each new child, God reinforced my heart with His strength. Instead of shrinking with each loss, my heart grows bigger as I watch family reunifications. God has gifted me with the capacity to love and to lose.
One night as I was lying on my bed, the Lord gave me a word: “Walker’s House of Hope.” I told my husband, “This is what we’re going to name the house where we raise the children God brings to us.” We started praying, “Lord, if you give us a bigger house we will take more children.” At that time, we had seven children in a three-bedroom house. It wasn’t long before the Lord provided us with a four-bedroom house.
God has gifted me with the capacity to love and to lose.
I got the call almost immediately: “Ms. Walker, we have a sibling group of three.”
“You know I have seven children, right?”
“Yes, Ms. Walker, but you were born for this.”
Immediately the voice of the Lord came to me, reminding me of my prayer. He had given me a bigger house; I was obligated to fulfill my promise. So, we ran out and bought another bunk bed.
Today, we have ten children: three adopted and seven fostered. Every day after school, I hear ten voices at once, beautiful chaos. Each time I say aloud, “I have ten children,” I can’t believe it – not because it’s too much, but because it feels comfortable. When I dream about the future, I see myself with even more children, running around a big property and coming in to eat dinner around our huge kitchen table. I have found my calling, and I am believing for God to gift us with the house that’s as big as my heart.
I had a sign made that hangs in our current home: “Walker’s House of Hope.” When I look at it, I say to God, “This is not it. But this is it for now.”
Seven years ago, we moved to a city that was in chaos and darkness. Today, we live in a home of chaos and light. And as I look around my busy kitchen table, I have never been more excited about the rest of my life.
About the Author
Taneasha Walker
Taneasha Walker is currently co-pastoring Word of Life Open Bible Church in Lehigh Acres, Florida, with her husband Dyecol. She serves on the Southeast Regional Board as an At- Large member. Taneasha has gained experience in every area of ministry, using this knowledge to effectively care for the local church body as well as the children that have been entrusted to her. She is passionate about prayer, utilizing it in every endeavor. In her free time, Taneasha’s hobbies include reading, singing, and traveling.
