5 Things
Five Ways to Adjust to Change
By Rev. Dyrie Francis
The human experience is punctuated by countless changes that vary in significance. Some life changes are pleasant and hold great prospects while others seem distressful from the start. The way we respond reflects our outlook on change and often determines its effect on our lives. We read or hear stories of those who have overcome extreme life circumstances and wonder how they are able to maintain perspective and rise above their circumstances to inspire others in a meaningful way.
Sister Dort was a ninety-year-old woman who used her Facebook account to connect with family and friends. What a profound impact she made, sharing encouraging Scriptures and photos, and updating her friends and family on her life transitions. Others much younger physically, resist learning how to utilize the technology available, thinking they are “too old” to learn. For them, the process of accepting that life has changed and offers exciting ways of staying in touch can seem overwhelming. Some yield to despair and loneliness in the advanced years of their lives, especially when isolated from family in an assisted living facility, nursing home, or alone at home. Perseverance and commitment to learn something new can equip those who, like Dort, accept change, bringing rich dividends of connectedness and decreasing the risk of isolation and loneliness. Not only is the learner encouraged, he or she also becomes a source of blessing to others.
Another believer who suffered severe burns from head to toe impacted me greatly. Wrapped like a mummy with only his eyes visible, this man exhibited such joy and peace. His armor of righteousness was impenetrable. His severe burns caused intense pain, yet he girded his waist with the belt of truth – the Scriptures. He shared the Gospel of salvation with every member of the healthcare team he encountered. He lifted the shield of faith with courage and confidence in the God in whom he believed, never giving up on God despite his circumstances. His secret lay in his close communion with God and his loving and transparent relationship with other believers. I wept many times for his pain and drew closer to the God who could sustain a person with such unwavering faith amid intense suffering.
I have found that the following five actions can help secure a positive outcome when we face inevitable changes. They will not only improve the course of our lives but also equip us to be encouragers and blessers of others experiencing change.
- Accept. Accept the notion that changes are inevitable. To passively resist change is counter-productive and only increases related stress. In his book Who Moved My Cheese? Dr. Spencer Johnson demonstrated that the characters Hem and Haw were totally unprepared for the disappearance of their cheese. They were angry and refused to accept that there would no longer be cheese in their maze. Why? They never considered their circumstances would change; therefore, accepting the change was a major challenge.
- Attend to. A vital step in the process of change is to attend to small changes before they become large and unmanageable. Too frequently minor changes, like red flag warnings, go unheeded and calamity follows. Take health, for example. Debilitating health issues do not usually occur suddenly. Instead, they creep up with the extra added sugar, salt, fat, and lack of physical exercise that promote a healthier lifestyle. A popular adage is “We are what we eat!”
For years I pleaded with a fellow believer to gradually decrease the number of packets of sugar she added to her cup of tea. She laughed and ignored the red flags. One day she approached me in tears. I asked what was wrong, and her answer was painful for me because she had ignored the warning signs. She had been diagnosed with full-blown diabetes. How about preparing for advanced aging since we already know God could extend our lives beyond the ability to perform self-care? Proverbs 27:23 (NKJV) instructs, “Be diligent to know the state of your flocks, and attend to your herds.”
- Adapt. Adaptability is vital to successfully navigating change. Instead of reacting negatively to an impending change, be open to consider what good may be in the change. Proverbs 3:5-7 is a directive to “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.”
We can miss the opportunity to grow in different areas because we resist change without looking at what is involved, considering how we can improve ourselves, or contemplating how we can improve the way we do things. James 5:13-14 provides purposeful ways of adapting to personal changes. He instructed,
Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray. Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing psalms. Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. (James 5:13-14)
- Assess/Admit. Get help to assess your needs, whether emotional, spiritual, physical, or financial, and admit areas where you have need. Pride and the spirit of independence can hinder our assessment and admission that we need assistance. Professional Christian counselors, mature spiritual guides, and professionals in social work can provide needs assessments. We are our brother’s keeper in the household of faith and the hand of God to serve the poor and needy in the community. The Apostle Paul admonished the Galatians believers: “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ” (6:2).
- Ask/Accept. Jesus commands His followers: “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. Or what man is there among you who, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone?” (Matthew 7:7). Sometimes we are unwilling to ask for or accept help because of cultural customs, past experiences, or ignorance about available resources and how to navigate the system. As members of the household of faith and disciples of our Lord Jesus Christ, may we purposefully seek out hurting brothers and sisters who are facing critical life changes. In addition, let us also look for the needs of the unchurched in our communities as a way of introducing Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior. In serving the poor and oppressed in our community, our brothers and sisters, we demonstrate to the world that our God loves, cares for, and reigns over all the earth!
In our efforts to accept/anticipate change, attend to small changes, adapt to change, assess/admit our needs, and ask for and accept assistance, may God help us to pray:
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
Reinhold Niebuhr (1892-1971)
About the Author
Rev. Dyrie Francis R.N., M.S.N., M.A.C.L. lives in South Florida, where she and her husband, Karl, pioneered Living Word Open Bible Church in Cooper City, thirty years ago. The congregation is comprised of believers from 22 countries, including a minority of Caucasian Americans. The church celebrates unity in diversity and eagerly pursues the fulfillment of the Great Commission regardless of race or color. God and family are central to Dyrie’s life and ministry paradigm. She loves people and serves through teaching the Word and the ministry of prayer. Underlying her calling to service is a deep and inescapable sensitivity to God’s heart on justice and the plight of the oppressed. She serves as a bridge to many and will continue by the grace of God. Dyrie and Karl have two adult sons, Jonathan (married to Andrea) and Bryan (married to Terrone) and one granddaughter, Christine Noelle.
My husband Josh and I joke that we have a punch card for all the life-threatening scares our children have given us, and that punch card is completely filled.
I want to cash it in for a prize, please.
Yet each life-threatening moment (and let’s be honest, just living) has taught me the imperative of prayer. Sometimes I sense the Lord allowed these events to strengthen my prayer life, teaching me not only the importance of prayer but also methods of praying that have opened my eyes to His power in action.
My prayers of this season are stained with tears, joy, anguish, strangled silence, unstifled cries, and awestruck gratitude.
I could not have survived without my lifeline of constant communication with the Lord of Heaven’s Armies. My prayers of this season are stained with tears, joy, anguish, strangled silence, unstifled cries, and awestruck gratitude.
The following are five things I have learned about prayer, with about a dozen encouragements squeezed in for good measure.
1. The best time to pray is right now.
It’s hard to admit, but I used to be that person who would say they would pray for someone, then forget to actually do it.
Jesus caught hold of me and had a serious talk with my heart, and I have since repented, learning that the best time to pray is right now.
Now, when someone asks me to pray for them, it doesn’t matter what I am doing; I stop, take their hands, and ask if I can pray for them right now. It does not matter if it is in the grocery aisle, in the church hallway on a Sunday morning, as I am rushing to accomplish a task, walking to my car, or watching my daughter’s soccer match. Every time I say I will pray for someone or am asked to say a prayer, that is my Holy Spirit cue to stop and pray RIGHT NOW.
Allow your life to be interruptible for prayer.
2. Invite children and youth to pray for you.
This lesson is brought to you by my three daughters, who have shown me the power of a young person praying. Children and youth do not have less of the Holy Spirit than adults! Being older and more experienced in life does not give me a greater volume of Holy Spirit power.
Children and youth pray with a purity untarnished by life’s cynicism and skepticism.
I see evidence of this in children who feel called to pray over others, teenagers joining hands with adults to pray for bonds to be broken, and youth bowing their heads for freedom and healing.
Children and youth pray with a purity untarnished by life’s cynicism and skepticism.
Seek them out for prayer
3. Practice the Prayer of Examen.
I did not misspell that word. The Prayer of Examen is a rhythm of prayer in which, at the end of your day, you assess your availability to the Spirit with honesty and humility in five ways:
Gratitude: Note the ways you have experienced God’s loving presence today and thank Him.
Ask: Invite the Holy Spirit to provide insight beyond human capacity.
Review: Review the day and moments where God passed right by, unnoticed or ignored.
Repentance: Ask forgiveness for any moments you rejected, ignored, or rebelled against God’s invitation to you.
Renewal: Look ahead to the next twenty-four hours, resolving to respond to the Holy Spirit.
4. Pray Scripture.
There are many moments in counseling others when I have no words for what they need or I am at a loss about how to direct them. In those moments, the Lord reminds me that His Word is a balm. Because His Word does not return void, I take up the sword of truth and use it to bring healing and guidance in ways only He can. I love to pray Scripture over people. Often, I don’t even realize I have Scripture memorized; it just comes out of me as I pray! When you are in your quiet time each day with the Lord and a portion of Scripture speaks to your heart, write it down, memorize it, and wield it in your prayers for others.
5. Pray Creatively.
I am praying right now that the Lord will open your eyes wide to prayer in your every day. May you be available and interruptible, seeing the miraculous because of your obedience.
“O, Lord, hear. O, Lord, forgive. O, Lord, listen and act! For your own sake, do not delay…” (Daniel 9:19 NIV).
*To read more about Melissa’s testimony and how it has driven her to pray, read her related article, The Miracle that is Adelaide.
About the Author
Melissa Stelly serves as the executive pastor at Turning Point Church in Spokane, Washington, alongside her husband, Josh Stelly. She has attended Turning Point for thirty-five years. She is the mother of three daughters, adores camping, hiking, and adventuring, is a voracious reader, and considers Mt. Rainier one of the greatest accomplishments the Lord created. Most days in her free time you will find her curled up with a good book or taking a long walk.
Have your kids ever made plans for you without asking first? Mine have, more than once! But a few years ago, one of those “surprise” plans turned into one of the most meaningful Thanksgivings for our family.
Those moments of laughter around the table and story-sharing carried the quiet presence of Jesus, who promises to be close to the brokenhearted.
Our neighbors, a family of four whom our kids had befriended, had recently lost the matriarch of their family. It was going to be their first holiday season without Mom/Grandma, and our kids insisted we invite them and their grandpa to Thanksgiving dinner.
We sent the invitation and didn’t know what to expect. Weeks passed without a response, and I assumed they had made other plans. Then, just two days before Thanksgiving, a text came through: five more people were coming!
Our table wasn’t perfect. We scrambled to get more groceries to make a few more sides. But the house was full of laughter, stories, and a sense of togetherness that no amount of planning could have created. That experience taught me so much about opening my home and my heart to families who are hurting.
Here are five things I learned:
- 1. Do it scared.
Extending an invitation can feel intimidating! You might worry about saying the wrong thing or overstepping. Ask God to fill you with boldness and do it anyway. I quickly sent a text message before I could second-guess myself or my kids. Even if they don’t accept, your invitation tells them you see them, you remember there loved one, and you care. And most importantly, it shows them God sees them, too. - 2. Focus on connection, not perfection.
Our table was crowded! We pulled in extra chairs from the garage, used mismatched plates, and squeezed elbow-to-elbow. And you know what? Nobody cared. What people remember most isn’t how it looked; it’s how they felt. This family was so grateful to have a new memory of a special holiday meal as they started to figure out what their life without Grandma looked like. Those moments of laughter around the table and story-sharing carried the quiet presence of Jesus, who promises to be close to the brokenhearted. - 3. Acknowledge their loss.
It can feel awkward to bring up the person they’re missing, but silence can make the grief feel heavier. Talk about their loved one. Almost all grieving people I’ve encountered love an opportunity to talk about and remember the person they’ve lost. Ask about their favorite holiday memories. If there’s time, ask ahead of time if there’s a special family recipe you can include with the meal. - 4. Let the invitation be open-handed.
There is a man in our community who is divorced and has difficult relationships with his grown children. He, too, is hurting and spends the holidays alone. For several years now we have invited him to join us, and he always politely declines. However, a small but significant step was taken last year. He accepted an invitation to come over after our meal and pick up a plate of leftovers to take home. We got to chat with him for a while and celebrate after the meal was done. There are many forms of grief, and the last thing we want to do is place pressure on someone in pain. Extending an open-handed invitation without expectation creates space for them to join if and when they are ready. It’s a beautiful reminder of God’s own invitation to us: always open, always patient, always full of grace. - 5. Keep checking in after the holidays.
Grief doesn’t follow a calendar. Sometimes the hardest days come after the big holidays, when everyone else has moved on. Keep inviting, keep texting, keep showing up. Presence in the days and weeks after is just as powerful as during the holiday itself.
That Thanksgiving reminded me that hospitality is less about the table and more about the heart around it. When we create space at our tables for those who are grieving, we’re doing more than sharing a meal. We are sharing the love of God in a tangible way, making room for Holy Spirit to comfort and heal. You don’t need the perfect meal or a Pinterest-worthy home to share the love of Jesus and help someone feel seen. All you need is a willing heart and an open door, and God will do the rest.
About the Author
Katie Thompson is the executive pastor at Desert Streams Church in Southern California, where her husband, Levi, serves as lead pastor. When she’s not pastoring, she’s running her bookkeeping business, leading as CFO at a wellness center, or wrangling kids and backyard chickens. She’s convinced coffee makes everything better, family adventures are non-negotiable, and the beach is one of God’s best ideas.
Recently, at an Alpha leaders’ meeting at our church, someone asked, “What does relevant ministry look like in today’s culture?” I think I decoded that question as “How do we effectively create Christ followers in a way that is relevant for today?” Cultural shifts, digital saturation, and generational expectations have reshaped the ministry landscape. Yet, helping people find and follow Jesus remains our mission. Jesus’ call to “go and make disciples” hasn’t changed—but the environment in which we fulfill that call certainly has.
I would like to share five thoughts on how we can effectively disciple in today’s world, the first two being observations on the state of our culture and the final three being suggestions for how we can minister in relevant ways in this culture.
1. We are being shaped by our culture’s digital fluidity and fluency.
We are living in an age of rapid digital transformation. Platforms change. Trends shift. Everyone has a voice AND everyone is selling you something. The result? People are overwhelmed with content and unsure of what’s even real anymore.
News, opinions, and even personal milestones unfold in real time, framed through algorithms and filtered bias. We’re not just consuming content; we’re being shaped by it. And just when we’ve adapted to one platform (remember Facebook?), a new one arises, demanding more of our time and attention.
Why it matters: Discipleship today must cut through the noise. We can’t just add to the information pile; we must offer something real, relational, and rooted in truth.
2. Despite being more “connected” than ever, people are starving for genuine relationships.
People may be connected and engaged in a myriad of conversations, but they lack authenticity and real community.My adopted daughter, for example, grieved the loss of our dog not by turning to close family or friends but by posting online and receiving brief, surface-level sympathy. She devoured those one-liners, but they didn’t satisfy her deep need for comfort and true compassion.
This is the paradox of the present: constant connection without true community.
Why it matters: Discipleship flourishes in authentic relationships. We must move past content delivery to heart-level engagement.
Yes, I know there is more to observe about today’s culture than these two aspects, but this is a good starting point to start structuring our ministries to multiply Christ followers in our current context. Now let’s look at a few practical ways we can do that.
3. Prioritize relational discipleship.
Digital influence may shape opinions, but it doesn’t form character. What forms a disciple is being seen, known, and challenged in the context of real relationships. Discipleship today needs to happen “eyeball to eyeball.” People are more likely to engage today not by having an expert stand up front and tell them the “answers” but by sitting in a circle, in a transparent and safe environment where they are safe to explore the questions, parse the information, AND where they can be mentored by people who model authentic faith. These mentors need to “do life together” with them so that they can provide consistent care and support.
Jesus modeled this beautifully. He didn’t just teach the crowds; He lived life with His disciples. His method was both invitational (“Come, follow me”) and challenging (“Take up your cross”).
Practical Steps:
• Think small: Build organic small groups that foster vulnerability and trust.
• Pair new believers with mature Christians who are willing to “do life together.”
• Create safe spaces for honest questions and struggles without judgment.
Discipleship isn’t about having all the answers; it’s about walking together toward Jesus.
4. Move from information to transformation.
The reality is that people don’t want or need more information; Google and AI have given us all the information of the ages at our fingertips. But here’s the catch: information alone doesn’t transform lives. True discipleship must bridge the gap between knowing about God and being transformed by Him. This means shifting the focus from merely imparting biblical knowledge to fostering genuine spiritual growth and life change.
Practical Steps:
• Encourage spiritual disciplines like PB & J (Prayer, Bible reading and Journaling/Meditation) into daily rhythms.
• Propose application-oriented questions: What is God saying to me and what am I going to do about it? How will this inform my decisions and change my actions this week?
• Share stories of personal transformation to make faith tangible.
The goal isn’t smarter Christians; it’s surrendered lives.
5. Make discipleship practical and missional.
Discipleship must extend beyond study and conversation. Jesus sent His disciples out. They learned by doing. In today’s world, hands-on faith matters more than ever.
Mission trips, community outreach, and acts of justice and mercy aren’t just good deeds, they’re discipleship labs. I like to say that “Ministry is simply an excuse for discipleship.” It’s in the doing that faith is tested, stretched, and refined.
Practical Steps:
• Involve disciples in regular service projects and real-world ministry.
• Help people discover their gifts and put them to work in their communities, not just inside the walls of the church
• Reflect on service together: What did God show you as you served others?
Missional discipleship reminds us that faith isn’t just personal, it’s participatory
Final Thought: Never forget the role of the Holy Spirit.
Disciple-making is a divine partnership. Strategies, programs, and best practices are helpful, but only God transforms hearts. Prayer must be our starting point and our sustaining power.
Pray for those you lead. Ask the Holy Spirit to guide, convict, and empower. And trust that the seeds you plant, even in today’s challenging soil, are in good hands.
Now is a great time for ministry!
Gary Khan was born on the island of Trinidad in the Caribbean. He moved to America when he was twenty to pursue his education and calling to be a pastor. He met his wife DeLaine at Eugene Bible College (now New Hope Christian College) and upon their graduation, they were married and began working at Desert Streams Church in Santa Clarita, CA. After thirty-two years as a pastor, Gary became an Executive Director of Operations for Marketplace Chaplains. He is the author of devotionals including Reset and Greater and his most recent book, That Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Thought.
